RSS

Tag Archives: birthmother

Dear Expectant Moms considering adoption (aka Birthmothers)

I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them.  I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named.  Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time.  Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following. Read the rest of this entry »

 
18 Comments

Posted by on August 8, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »

 
7 Comments

Posted by on August 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Judging crediblity and worth in adoption circles

Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents.  Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions.  Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

 
32 Comments

Posted by on July 16, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Archives 2015 – Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there.  I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt.  I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good.  Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her.  Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know… Read the rest of this entry »

 
8 Comments

Posted by on July 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

That whole Meant To Be thing…

From my understanding this may be part of someone’s faith and I’m not trying to disrespect that, but delve respectfully into how problematic that can be in adoption.  Nor am I trying to disrespect parents who feel that way down the road that their family was what their family was supposed to be, that seems different somehow. Read the rest of this entry »

 
29 Comments

Posted by on June 25, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Who knew she was adopted.

I often search for quotes on a topic, find one that resonates and then read about the person who said it.  It’s an interesting and enlightening way to learn about people.  This morning, I started with Origins, then Wisdom, then decided I’d try to find an Adoption quote that didn’t try to make adoption better than biological families, wasn’t wrapped up in destiny, wasn’t magical, pre-ordained, or mystical, just something you’d expect from a normal conversation from someone in adoption.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
5 Comments

Posted by on June 23, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It’s That Day Again…

We didn’t do Mother’s Day per se, at least not like it’s done today. We’d say Happy Mother’s Day at the breakfast table while eating the breakfast mom cooked.  All Sunday breakfasts were special, we weren’t having oatmeal (or ‘mush’) and fruit for starters, like we had weekday mornings, and it was better than Saturday when we’d get non-sweetened cold cereal (that we saw as a weekly treat) and fruit.  Sunday’s, we’d have either pancakes or waffles (sometimes with hot blueberry sauce for syrup), or eggs and toast and fruit, sometimes even hot fruit on toast (you probably have no idea what that is, or how yummy that was). Read the rest of this entry »

 
12 Comments

Posted by on May 13, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Adoption hierarchy and stereotypes

I’ve been re-watching the series Newsroom and the last episode I watched was where Will is in jail for contempt and is having a conversation with an imaginary cell mate.  The conversation ended with Will saying McKenzie was smarter than he is, and I started thinking about gender stereotypes, marriage, biases, and how we’ve been conditioned by society that woman are the weaker sex, not as strong, brave, or smart.  How I’ve dealt with that in my personal life, and yes, I’ve bought into the stereotypes and biases from time to time, or ensured I framed my words to keep ego’s intact, other times, not so much.  I am still a work in progress. Read the rest of this entry »

 
27 Comments

Posted by on April 23, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

When those wanting to adopt, forget that morals matter in how you adopt

Last night I got stressed out by what occurred when an expectant mom made a post on an adoption page asking for information.  What happened robbed me of sleep for several hours as I just kept thinking about it, this morning, it was the first thing on my mind and it’s still there now.  So here I am trying hard to come up with a way to frame this that can be heard, needs to be heard, while the cynic in me is saying, those who need to hear and understand, aren’t going to read a post telling them they’re wrong.  I still have to try. Read the rest of this entry »

 
7 Comments

Posted by on April 10, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Wanting to adopt a child in need

I can’t tell you how many posts and articles I’ve read over the years talking about adopting because all children need families.  That adoption has always been part of the plan, or has been laid on their hearts.  That giving a home to a child in need is what they’ve always wanted to do since they were young, and that adopting now is the plan seeing as your quest to have one of your own didn’t work. (fair warning this isn’t warm and fuzzy) Read the rest of this entry »

 
9 Comments

Posted by on March 31, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It was my mother’s birthday the other day…

Specifically, the birthday of my mother by birth.  The morning before, I had this thought that there was a birthday I was missing, but I had no idea whose, or even when, just that it was someone’s birthday soon, perhaps that day.  Seeing as I couldn’t figure it out I went to check my family trees to see if it was a direct line ancestor’s birthday.  I checked dad’s tree first because it’s the one I know best, nothing, so then I moved to my maternal birth family tree, and there it was, my mother’s birthday was the next day. Read the rest of this entry »

 
21 Comments

Posted by on March 8, 2017 in Adoption

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

No, this article is not what to expect at a hospital with a newborn adoption…

Where to start…this isn’t a feel good post, this is an angry post – don’t click the ‘see more’ expecting anything different…

This article was posted on an adoption agency facebook page.  I commented a week ago asking whether they’d read it before they shared, and how much incorrect information was in it.  They haven’t responded, or removed the post, hence this post. Read the rest of this entry »

 
28 Comments

Posted by on January 31, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , ,