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Tag Archives: birthmother

More thoughts on screening for adoptees

Still mulling on, fuming on the audacity of The National Council for Adoption Advocate suggesting that DTC genetic companies should screen for adoptees by asking them if they’re adopted and then providing “adoption professionals” to contact for help so it’s “adoption-supportive and sensitive”.  In my effort to consider whether they have a point re the “adoption professionals”, I googled adoption agencies+reunion advice. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on October 12, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Just a wee bit late…

The National Council for Adoption has concerns on adoptees using DNA tests to find their families of birth and get health information.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on October 8, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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A quote and a couple of good reads with a twist…

I started this post looking for a quote on identity.  A quote that would describe something so fundamental as needing to know your family of origin, the why’s, the who am I, the missing part of who we are.  Let me know if the quote below resonates with you.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on October 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Question to ponder

We are the adopted children of our parents, we (nor them) have any say in that, it’s the legal definition.

We now have a new qualifier being attached to adoptees – we are a first mom’s birth child.

Can we please stop adding qualifiers to adoptees, last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with just being called their child.  Why add a qualifier, we didn’t disqualify you, we had no say or choice in the matter.  And really, it stings that you can’t even claim your child is your child.  And if it is the professionals in adoption telling you to call your child that, here’s a thought, they’re wrong.  Tell them that, and that perhaps, they should talk to adoptees about what we want to be called.

Ugh, just ugh.

Adoptees, do feel free to weigh in on what you think of being called your mother’s birth child.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on September 18, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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So, there was this guy on twitter…

Last July, there was a guy on twitter that sparked this post.  And no, not even a few months later am I a fan of naming folks, would rather just talk about the attitude.  He blocked me 🙂 and checking later, he’d deleted at least one of his tweets, I also double checked to make sure I’ve portrayed it accurately.  This guy, Billy, was upset that adoptees in New York want the same right others born in New York have; access to, and the right to receive a copy of their original birth certificate (OBC), he also seems upset that any adoptee anywhere could have that right. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 10, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Why are AP’s waiting to tell their child they’re adopted?

More and more adoptive parents are openly admitting that they haven’t told their child they are adopted and intend to wait to tell till the child is old enough to understand.  I know I’ve brought this up many times over the years, but this comment left under an article written by an adoptee about the hard truths in adoption (loss, abandonment, grief) sparked this post.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
19 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Which role is in charge of the reunion, or does it matter?

Lori has a post up that is a letter written by a first mom re adoptive mom not doing well with the reunion.  Go read it and put in your 2 cents.

Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

I commented already on Lori’s post under TAO.

If you will, come back and answer this question:

What is the protocol, etiquette, who should be the leader in an adoption reunion, answer below and why.

Cheers!

 

 

 

 
6 Comments

Posted by on August 23, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dear Expectant Moms considering adoption (aka Birthmothers)

I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them.  I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named.  Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time.  Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following. Read the rest of this entry »

 
21 Comments

Posted by on August 8, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »

 
7 Comments

Posted by on August 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Judging crediblity and worth in adoption circles

Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents.  Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions.  Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

 
33 Comments

Posted by on July 16, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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Archives 2015 – Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there.  I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt.  I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good.  Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her.  Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know… Read the rest of this entry »

 
8 Comments

Posted by on July 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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That whole Meant To Be thing…

From my understanding this may be part of someone’s faith and I’m not trying to disrespect that, but delve respectfully into how problematic that can be in adoption.  Nor am I trying to disrespect parents who feel that way down the road that their family was what their family was supposed to be, that seems different somehow. Read the rest of this entry »

 
29 Comments

Posted by on June 25, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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