Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents. Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions. Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: birthfather
Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know… Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve been re-watching the series Newsroom and the last episode I watched was where Will is in jail for contempt and is having a conversation with an imaginary cell mate. The conversation ended with Will saying McKenzie was smarter than he is, and I started thinking about gender stereotypes, marriage, biases, and how we’ve been conditioned by society that woman are the weaker sex, not as strong, brave, or smart. How I’ve dealt with that in my personal life, and yes, I’ve bought into the stereotypes and biases from time to time, or ensured I framed my words to keep ego’s intact, other times, not so much. I am still a work in progress. Read the rest of this entry »
Dr. Donna Campbell, a Texas legislator has written a preemptive letter against Texas changing the law that seals an adult adoptee’s original birth certificates away from them. As I read the letter, it made me feel like adoptees aren’t part of families who adopt and birth parents who place. No room at the table for adult adoptees. She does state accommodations can be made to provide medical history, and notes there is already a way for an adoptee to get their original birth certificate, I.e. if they know the name of the parent(s) on the original birth certificate… Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve posted The Danger Of A Single Story by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie every year in November since I first posted it in 2010. Listening to her talk never gets old, rather, it seems, I get something new from it every time. Perhaps why it stays relevant is that it applies to so many different areas in life for different people. Perhaps, because it’s filled with wisdom that always has value, adds value every time you hear it.
Invariably, when some hear about an adoptee wanting to find their family of birth, they leap to money, the adopted one is looking for an inheritance. That’s what I want to talk about today. Unless you’ve lived your life as an only, you have no lived experience to explain the complicated, nuanced feelings an adoptee can have being adopted, not having full knowledge of their identity. The collateral damage that can happen when you have missing pieces. Read the rest of this entry »
It seems bringing up the E word in adoption is wrong, silencing, makes some want to runaway as fast as possible. I’d even say it’s close to a swear word to some in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
The theory: That most adoptees are just living their lives and those who are vocal are not the norm…aka angry adoptees, had a bad experience, ungrateful, mal-adjusted, anti-adoption, etc.,… Read the rest of this entry »
I just read a good article about fathers and adoption in the Chicago Tribune, well worth reading. Originally, I was just going to link it here, but then, I remembered a newspaper article from 1972 that provides some historical context to the article posted today.
I read articles and posts by both adoptive parents and birth parents about how the media doesn’t understand how adoption works. There is a reason why that happens, and it starts with you. Your words educate them when you write posts, comment on articles, give interviews to the press. Understand how your words are part of the reason you end up upset about how the media gets adoption wrong.
Adoption can be hard and ugly for fathers and their families who want nothing to do with domestic infant adoption. Those fathers and their families are struggling with the loss of a family member to adoption, an adoption that is not wanted, desired, or needed. The same fathers who face expensive up-hill legal battles to parent their own child in a system that can take years for any resolution.