Who knew she was adopted.

I often search for quotes on a topic, find one that resonates and then read about the person who said it.  It’s an interesting and enlightening way to learn about people.  This morning, I started with Origins, then Wisdom, then decided I’d try to find an Adoption quote that didn’t try to make adoption better than biological families, wasn’t wrapped up in destiny, wasn’t magical, pre-ordained, or mystical, just something you’d expect from a normal conversation from someone in adoption. 

 

Trying to get back on track and talk about what’s important…

I’ve had a hard time this year being able to focus on writing a post about any one subject, I can write snippets, but being able to shut off all the distractions in today’s world has often proven beyond my ability.  One thought that keeps repeating itself every time I see what’s happening in the world is “I’m glad mom and dad aren’t here to see what is happening”.  A thought I never imagined I’d ever have, let alone being willing to say out loud, but I am glad they aren’t here to see the bizarre, ugly, mean-spirited happenings in this world.  It’s ugly out there and I don’t know if it can be fixed.  Yet, the other day I reached out to you, and you responded that proved there are still good people willing to reach back.  Thank you my friends, those that commented, those that took the time to read, you ground me, all of you, you make sure I don’t feel alone in a world that has overnight become very foreign.  Now, enough of me blathering, lets talk about something else…

 

Family Health History Updates and Adoption

I read an adoption agency post on Family Health History, left a comment, went back to read it again and realized the post is from 2016.  My comment is still there pending approval, which I expected as I commented on the weekend.  The post was on what the adoption agency does with any family medical updates, note what they do seems pretty standard across agencies, something I’ve talked about before.  Adoption agencies can also charge an adoptee to pull their file.

Is the standard good enough is the question I’m asking you my friends.

If you answer in the comments:

1. Include your role in adoption (first parent, adoptive parent, adoptee).
2. Answer whether it is good enough to you, and why, if it’s not good enough, what should be done instead.
3. Include whether you’d have known to check with the adoption agency regularly for updated family health history.

Here is the post: Adoptees and Updated Medical Information

My comment is below, but please don’t click the ‘Read the rest of this entry’ until you’ve read the above post linked, so it’s read without my bias good or bad.  If you are going to comment, it would also be good to do that before you read my comment.

 

A quick shout out…

An adoptee has created a wonderful resource and is collecting not only stories, but stats!  His tweet’s today are priceless and shows the evolution of what happened in adoption history, how sealing adoption court records from the public, over the years morphed into sealing adoption court records from the one who the court records were about.

This day in adoptee history, April 14, 1917. #adopteerights https://t.co/daUY8HsKQV

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Adoptee Rights Law (@adopteelaw) April 14, 2017

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It wasn't until 1939 in Minnesota when OBC's were sealed, but even then should have been available by court order

—
Adoptee Rights Law (@adopteelaw) April 14, 2017

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You can follow him here: https://twitter.com/adopteelaw

 

 

 

 

It was my mother’s birthday the other day…

Specifically, the birthday of my mother by birth.  The morning before, I had this thought that there was a birthday I was missing, but I had no idea whose, or even when, just that it was someone’s birthday soon, perhaps that day.  Seeing as I couldn’t figure it out I went to check my family trees to see if it was a direct line ancestor’s birthday.  I checked dad’s tree first because it’s the one I know best, nothing, so then I moved to my maternal birth family tree, and there it was, my mother’s birthday was the next day.

 

Again…

Dr. Donna Campbell, a Texas legislator has written a preemptive letter against Texas changing the law that seals an adult adoptee’s original birth certificates away from them.  As I read the letter, it made me feel like adoptees aren’t part of families who adopt and birth parents who place.  No room at the table for adult adoptees.  She does state accommodations can be made to provide medical history, and notes there is already a way for an adoptee to get their original birth certificate, I.e. if they know the name of the parent(s) on the original birth certificate…

 

Please stop spreading misinformation on adoption history

I know I’ve talked about it before, but I continue to see both adoption agencies and adoptive parents speak on what adoption was like back in the 50’s and 60’s.  They blithely state misinformation, as if, it was fact.

 

When you talk about finding your family by birth…

Invariably, when some hear about an adoptee wanting to find their family of birth, they leap to money, the adopted one is looking for an inheritance.  That’s what I want to talk about today.  Unless you’ve lived your life as an only, you have no lived experience to explain the complicated, nuanced feelings an adoptee can have being adopted, not having full knowledge of their identity.  The collateral damage that can happen when you have missing pieces.

 

Seeing yourself reflected back…

I’ve talked about seeing yourself reflected back many times over the years.  Today, I’m bringing it up because yesterday I updated the family tree’s (I have one for each parent) with the details of mom passing.  And, once someone’s passed, I add pictures too, something I’ve always shied away from while they are living, despite having the tree’s set to private, invite only.  Once I get started, then, of course, I check to see if there are new records or details to uncover, and time slips away as I become the observer of generations.

 

My Story…

We all come to adoption with a story, whether it’s a one-liner, or fills a page or two, there is a story.  It could just be that we were abandoned.  It could be more.  I don’t think I’ve ever told the story the social worker told mom and dad about me.  It was short, oh so short.  It was the single story of my beginnings, where I came from, who I was, for over four decades.

 

Misinformation…

Methinks someone needs to do her research before opening said mouth…

 

Challenge for parents about adoptee rights…

For anyone opposed to the adoptee having the right to their original birth certificate, a historical document created by those who witnessed the birth.  A factual, unaltered birth certificate.  I invite you to consider what feelings and thoughts would run through your mind if this was your child, as an adult, posting on Facebook.  Superimpose your child’s picture and details over the picture in the article below of the adoptee sharing personal, intimate details about himself to the world.  Dig deep, really imagine how you would feel seeing your child doing what they feel is the only way they can ever find the answers they seek, sharing the private personal details of their story to the world.  Would it spark anger that they feel they have no other option but to put themselves out there like that?  That the only reason they have to do this is because they are adopted, that you, adopted them.  Every adoptee who does this also has parents just like you…