Adoptive Parents Missing the Obivous

I copied many of the replies from this post on the FB Adoptive Families Page a couple hours after it had linked to this post: “AFTER DECADES OF PAIN, MOTHER REUNITES WITH SON GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION IN WYOMING 51-YEARS AGO”

 

Two thoughts intersected this morning…

Reading a post on naming your child (adoption) and one commenter shared she has two close adopted relatives who weren’t named at birth.  A second commenter brought up that the mother of their child named her child, but somehow, the original birth certificate only said Baby Girl Surname.  The response by the first commenter was that maybe mistakes happened, but neither of her adopted relatives wanted to know anything about their birth families.

The above conversation collided with the article I read after…

 

Penny dropping on privilege, my privilege…

The other day, Mimi wrote a tweet that caused me to think, deeply, and to recognise that the first question that popped in my head happened for no other reason than my own white privilege.

 

Stories and feelings that you remember…

By TAO

I know better than to get into adoption talk before I go to bed, last night I did it anyway.  So with adoption on my mind as I trying to go to sleep, I thought about an article I read many years ago.  An article about an adoption that the mother penned, and if I remember correctly, she had asked her daughter to explain what it was like to transition from one language to another as a young child.

 

Definition of openness is changing…

By TAO

Within the last six months, I have read several posts on the difference between open adoption, what defines openness, and what closed adoption means.  I’m seeing this explained on personal blogs, FB pages, and elsewhere.

 

Adoption relationships can be complicated, being kin adds another layer…

By TAO

This is a completely different type of post and how I have written it, is based both on what I have read that made sense to me from adoptive parents who’ve been in the process a long time, and thoughts from my experience.  Hope it gives others reading a few more things to think about.

 

I obviously didn’t get that memo…

Apparently, times have changed and no one sent me the memo…that the statement below is hurtful and ignorant…according to those on Adoption: Share the Love Facebook page.

“Adoption is a great option…but only in cases where there are no capable and willing biological parents.”

What I take from that, is that if that saying is hurtful, or ignorant, some actually think it’s perfectly fine to give your baby away…even though you are capable (ability and means to raise a baby) and willing (want to parent to that child)…

 

It’s time for change…

By TAO

My search was done via a Confidential Intermediary (also called a CI).  That was never the way I had imagined my search going throughout the years, but I couldn’t physically search, nor was my brain competent enough to do it either.  So, I was left with putting my search in the hands of strangers – not something I would have chosen before, but at the time, I felt I had no choice because it was important to share with them what happened to me, just in case, it could protect them.

 

Rambling post on giving newbies a break…

By TAO

I was reading a post in Slate today about a journalist who acquired aphasia from a medication she was on for migraines.  I had no idea that could happen, I thought you had to have had a stroke or traumatic brain injury. 

 

My Positive Adoption Story

By Shadow

By request, from a commenter, on another post, we’ve been asked to write about positive adoption stories. The request and the question asked by many potential adoptive parents, as well as, adoptive parents, for positive adoption stories always puzzles me. Why does adoption have to be either negative, or positive? I don’t understand, so I have to ask, “What, exactly, is a positive adoption story?”

 

Double Standards in Adoption…

By TAO

I’ve been silent for a while trying to put these thoughts on paper, which has turned into more of a challenge than I imagined it would.  Having said that, these thoughts have sat in the back of my mind since I read an article on changing law to allow adult adoptees their original birth certificate, that’s not what my thoughts are about – just what triggered them.  There are so many ways standards only apply when it benefits adoption, and are completely ignored when it favors the family of birth.  Apologies in advance for mistakes I still don’t see. 

 

Ted Talk “The Danger of the Single Story”

I have done four posts about this Ted Talk over the years – and I can’t seem to stop myself from posting it again for November Adoption Awareness Month…

I don’t think it matters if you are in an open-domestic adoption – right through to a closed international adoption – what you know about the family of birth is limited to what you have been told.  (video at the end of the post.)

Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”