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Author Archives: TAO

About TAO

Just someone who likes to talk about what interests me.

Rambling troubled thoughts about the future…

I’ve been watching the back and forth between the Know Nothing About Being Adopted Folk vs. Adoptees on different social media sites since the Alito draft on Roe v. Wade was leaked.

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Posted by on May 19, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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When you talk about finding your family by birth…

From 2016 – Read the post and then read the comments.

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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The Abortion or Orphanage Comeback

Originally written in 2010, I’ve made edits and added current happenings, including a twitter thread by USA Today. 2010 was a time when adoptees were starting to speak up online and adoptive parents weren’t liking it much, so many reacted badly. Since the Alito draft was leaked, the topic of abortion and adoption has seen a resurgence online, and the vitriol against any adoptee who speaks critically of adoption and/or is fine with abortion as a choice is swift and harsh.

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Posted by on May 15, 2022 in Adoption

 

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Adoption Needs A Makeover

It’s time for adoption to stop being a marketplace and to return to it’s roots where it was an option of last resort, but only after every other option had failed. And yes, I can see people get upset with the term marketplace, so lets talk about it, because, it is the reality today.

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Posted by on May 11, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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Fathers must have rights…

Supreme Court hears case of birth father seeking custody of boy adopted 3 years ago

“GRAND RAPIDS, MI – The attorney for a couple whose adopted 3-year-old son is at the center of a legal fight told state Supreme Court justices that the family is the only one he knows.

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Posted by on May 6, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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They came for our mothers…

wrote this back in 2011…and what seems to be happening now made me remember it.

They came for our mothers, targeted one by one,
Society was their army, always present, always willing to condemn,
Words of shame and threats of what will the neighbors think were the only weapons needed then.
Our families sent our mothers away to protect the family name from public shame.
Stories fabricated why their daughters were sent away all done to protect their precious family name.
Our mothers went to maternity homes or distant relatives far, far away.
They told our mothers were how unworthy, shameless, and immoral they truly were,
Told adoption was their only salvation, and if they truly loved us they would give us away,
That babies deserved a mother and a father, not a poor unwed shameful mother.
They drugged and strapped our mothers down when their labor time was near,
They posted signs warning others – stay away, stay away, B.F.A…don’t you dare come near.
Not allowed to hold us, some not told they had a boy or girl, and even some that we had died.
Mothers told to go back home and carry on and hold your head up high,
Never speak of it, keep it secret, find a man get married and have another,
And today’s society still denies the damage caused to our mothers during the time now called The Baby Scoop Era.
I was born one winter day, taken to the nursery, cared for, yet unloved, and never named.
No one there to celebrate my birth and on day four I too became a ward, yet another Baby For Adoption, one of millions, nothing special, nothing more.
Two months later I became someone new, named, a new mother, father too, and a brand new ABC – falsified to hide my illegitimate shame.
Yet that day, I also lost my mother, my father, my family too, long before I could give voice to my feelings and desires.
That day I also lost my right to know who I was the day I was born, or get my OBC when I was older – at least that is until the day the court deemed I too had good cause to know my history,
Still the victory is hollow, the price is far too high, and yet still others have gone, and others will go to their graves, still denied.
As babies we were so valuable, bargained for, advertised for, coveted, prayed for, paid for…
Told we were special, chosen, loved, lucky, cherished, theirs forever more!
That our mothers loved us so much that they willing gave us away to have “two” parents, not just the “one” mother we most desired.
Now as adults we are told our rights don’t matter – that our mothers are afraid and live in secret fear – that their shameful past will be uncovered,
That we will “out them”, and “cause harm beyond repair”, and just to add more guilt and fear upon us – that we will hurt our other parents too!
That our mothers will not want to know us, or know we are alive, okay, or even that we may live right next door…
So I ask society and the adoption industry too – which story you tell is true, that our mothers loved us so much we were willing given away…
Or that they don’t love us and we make them so afraid, that one day we will come knocking, and that we might even want to know them too!
I was always told you cannot have it both ways, so from that I can only conclude – the adoption industry lies and I want to know which story is really true…
And now I see the signs that they are coming for unwed mothers once again, and in my heart I know it’s their healthy white babies which are the long sought-after prize…
Did they not learn from history that what they did was wrong, that the pain they caused never ever truly ends?
But to some it seems there is no price too high when babies are the goal, do they really have no shame to even consider bringing back the infamous Baby Scoop Era – yet again?
 
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Posted by on May 3, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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The lie always finds the light in the end

From 2018 – The lie always finds the light in the end

While this post has nothing to do with adoption, it has everything to do with adoption and learning the moral of the story, that the lie always rises to the surface one day.

 
 

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Conversation in a grocery store parking lot…

From 2017 And while this post isn’t adoption related per se, looking back, stories matter to create connections that may not exist due to adoption, try it.

I just got home from my weekly grocery shop. When I left the grocery store I was a wee bit grumpy, the cashier wasn’t happy and ensured we all felt it. Grumpy is contagious, so I was in a mood putting my groceries into the car and then going to put the cart back.

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Posted by on April 26, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dad

(from Father’s Day 2016)

I’ve talked about dad often on the blog, and with today being Father’s Day, I tried to figure out what else I could say, that I haven’t already said. I mulled on this most of yesterday, had some thoughts, tossed them, mulled some more, and this morning I’m still not sure so here’s some of those thoughts from yesterday.

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Posted by on April 19, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Bad day yesterday.

Fair warning, a baby’s death is part of this post, and I’ve struggled whether this should be two posts, but decided because this is also my place to also work through my feelings, I’m doing just one post.

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Posted by on April 16, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Words and Adoption (2017)

Platitudes, knee-jerk reactions followed by gas-lighting were topics on my Twitter-feed this morning, the latter two were words from MerriamWebster (follow them, they’re great).  All three happen to be part of the landscape of adoption-land that each person faces happening to them at some point.

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Posted by on April 15, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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Reunion story and more…

Stumbled on a newspaper reunion article from 2018. The Adoptee was a Cole Baby adoption.

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Posted by on April 13, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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