I can’t begin to tell you how many times throughout a typical day that I find myself thankful for some small act by another; whatever that act was or who benefited. Whatever good is done makes my heart happy.
Author Archives: TAO
As adoptees we have two different families; the family that adopted us, the family that we were born into. Both families shape who we are, what our family histories tell us also comes into play for many of us. Read the rest of this entry »
Been sitting back and watching the start of this month unfold. Loving the adoptees speaking up, refocusing people onto topics worthy of discussion, hopeful others in adoption get on board with just sitting back and letting the ones at the center of adoption have the podium, so to speak. This post is links to what you may have missed, but need to read, and an older post of mine that speaks to the concept of celebrating adoption that I remembered I’d written after reading the first post linked below. Read the rest of this entry »
Day One of the longest month of the year (despite being only 30 days) where we all get to hear how wonderful and downright beautiful adoption is. We’ll see lots of adoption meme’s – some better (or less icky) than others, lots of trite phrases instead of facts or discussions about foster care that the month is actually for; lots of patting each other on the back, but I digress. I was thinking I might try throwing out questions for Adoptees to answer throughout the month, how many responses I’d get is unknown, but I’m giving it a try on Day One… Read the rest of this entry »
Get out of your predominant adoptive parent only groups. Gingerly step into many different spaces with non-adoptive parent voices, sit on your hands instead of talking. Instead, just listen for a while, really listen when you’re the most uncomfortable, after a while you’ll start to hear what the underlying message is saying, some easier to hear than others. And when you go into spaces that make you uncomfortable, stop yourself each time you want to contradict in your mind (or in words) what you are hearing with protestations about how beautiful adoption is. Read the rest of this entry »
Every time I read an adoptive mother speak/write about her “adoptee” or “adoptees” I cringe. When you refer to your adopted child as merely an adoptee, you aren’t being cool, really, you aren’t. It’s more like you are denying they are your child/ren because you don’t want to acknowledge they are your adopted child/ren, or something along those lines. Call them your child you adopted when you need to, or call them your adopted child when it’s relevant, just stay in your lane, it’s up to the one adopted as to whether they refer to themselves as adopted or simply use adoptee to identify their role. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve been pretty hard on the choices some adoptive parent have made lately and will be hard on them in the future. I’ve also held other adoptive parents up as doing it right and will do so in the future. What I won’t do is stay silent when I see something I feel is wrong that has the potential to harm adoptees; whether it’s a law, policy, a stupid meme or adoptive parents acting badly. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m not the first adoptee to speak up against adoptive parents oversharing their child’s adoption story, nor will I be the last. We routinely speak up on this issue and have for years. This is a Do Better subject dear to many of us. This is also a Respect Your Child subject we think you should care about. We have lived a lifetime of being adopted and know all too well the consequences for the one adopted, and by extension, all adoptees when adoptive parents overshare their child’s private stories. (do feel free to assume a #not-all-adoptees-feel-that-way.)
This post is courtesy of the latest rendition of oversharing an adoptee’s story on-line, the most recent adoptee video that’s gone viral. Read the rest of this entry »
On a post on WSBS FB page talking about the TLC show Taken At Birth series is this comment:
Yes just finished. Was such a crazy story! Goes to show how much education and knowledge around adoption has improved in the last 70 years but still a horrific story.
I’ve decided to add a new tag: Adoptive Parents say the darndest things. Read the rest of this entry »
I think sometimes prospective and adoptive parents don’t realize that how they say something – tells the reader the person’s feelings of privilege and entitlement to adopt someone else’s baby. The quote below is in response to a comment about how birthparents should be allowed to spend time in hospital without the adopting parents there: Read the rest of this entry »
There’s no lack of conversations on naming and changing a child’s name in the online world of adoption. There’s also no lack of *reasons* why a child’s name should (or must) be changed. Here’s what I’ve learned reading those conversations about how I view names. Read the rest of this entry »