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Author Archives: TAO

About TAO

Just someone who likes to talk about what interests me.

Links to posts on late discovery…

From 2015

Not that I can ever imagine what a Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA) goes through, I’m sure it would break my heart and take a long time to come to any level of peace.  I’m also sure there are many future LDA’s that will find out when their parents pass away and they deal with the estate paperwork, or decide one day to innocently take a DNA test that has become such a popular tool. Why did any parent think it was proper to lie to their child, especially, when others around them know the truth. Today there are parents of adopted children who don’t want to, or intend to tell, still. To me it’s selfishness of the worst kind, setting your child up for a heart-breaking discovery down the road, all to make you feel ‘real’ and keep your secrets. I have a hard time understanding anyone who willingly chooses not to tell – how can you parent your child with such a huge lie between you?

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10 Comments

Posted by on October 20, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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It’s Raining Cats and Dogs

And I’d rather have the rain than heat where you can fry an egg on the sidewalk.

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19 Comments

Posted by on October 16, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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Simple primer for reading this blog…

Written in 2017

The other day an Adoptive Parent left a comment on a post detailing that I had enormous problems bonding with my adoptive parents and how I demonize adoption as the source of all my pain and woes. Say what? Funny thing happened though, it didn’t upset me like it would have in the past, whether that’s because it’s become old hat, or because I’ve come to the conclusion that most folks can’t separate “adoption” from “being adopted” from “family” from “feelings” and get upset that I don’t use “disclaimers”, which I believe may have been part of the reason the comment was left.

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9 Comments

Posted by on October 4, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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What if “the vocal adoptees” are right?

Post written in 2016.

The theory: That most adoptees are just living their lives and those who are vocal are not the norm…aka angry adoptees, had a bad experience, ungrateful, mal-adjusted, anti-adoption, etc.,…

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Posted by on September 28, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Endless cycle of non-adopted knowing all.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen these types of comments shown below in italics that are made in response to someone talking about the hard parts of being adopted, and that, the feelings are not necessarily once and done. I thought we’d been there, done that, and had entered the new age of not using a single adoptee as the voice of all adoptees and all things being adopted. Instead, it’s me choosing to avoid people who speak to what they don’t know, haven’t experienced.

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11 Comments

Posted by on September 24, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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If you don’t know adoption history…

I don’t have a problem with the article at all, just one statement that is factually incorrect and something I’ve seen happening far too often; this desire to pretend that knowledge about what adoptees need didn’t exist until now, and that it is news.

“We are discovering that information about a child’s past is so incredibly important to them and that purposely withholding information about their origin can be incredibly damaging; it can create a void they may spend a lifetime trying to fill.”

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Posted by on September 18, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Adoption Narratives

I stumbled on an interesting study from 2011 on Adoptees and how our “Adoption Entrance Narratives” may shape how we view our adoption. It’s relatively short and starts off on how adoption researchers rely heavily on minute differences between the adopted and non-adopted children, and how they need to take a more nuanced understanding of the self-concept variables in the adopted population. (Ya think…)

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9 Comments

Posted by on September 11, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Moving past Positive Adoptive Language

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen the the topic “Is Adopted” or “Was Adopted” discussed on an Adoptive Parent Facebook Page. It amused me after a quick scan of Adoptive Parent replies using “Was Adopted” and how being adopted didn’t define their child, with a few who had more nuanced answers to give. The irony of Adoptive Parents being on an Adoptive Parent Facebook page talking mainly about all things Adoption and Adoptive Parenting seems to have escaped them; as most say they use “Was Adopted” and some expanded that it happened in the past and doesn’t define their child or their family.

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14 Comments

Posted by on September 3, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Lucky

I’m one of the “lucky” adoptees from the era referred to as the Baby Scoop Era (BSE). I’m lucky for all the reasons listed below and more. I also wish I never needed to be “lucky” in the first place.

And my use of the term Lucky is not giving any non-adopted person permission to use it in regards to an adopted person.

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25 Comments

Posted by on September 1, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Who is the client in adoption? Who should be?

There was an article posted that garnered lots of comments in a closed FB group I’m in, none of the comments were good that I remember. The post was pulled down from the site it was published on. You can read about the specifics on Lori’s post, see link below.

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20 Comments

Posted by on August 24, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From the archives: The Art of Dismissing the adoptees voice

I wrote this post about 10 years ago? I reposted it in 2015, not much has changed, so I’m reposting the 2015 post, again. Do take the time to read the comments from the 2015 post below.

The Art of Dismissing the adoptee’s voice…

And a quick shout-out to everyone who comments, you make my day when you add to the conversation, a thank you to those stopping by to read, plus an invite to add your voice too.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on August 17, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dear Adoptive Parents – Just Stop

FB post by Fox 13 News Ohio woman finds son she put up for adoptee 33 years ago through 23andMe

First comment by Allison close to top of the comments, the comment that spurred all the comments below, I’m sure I missed some but how ignorant it is to spoil what was a story about a reunion between mother and son.

Allison “Put up”?? Like a case of bottled peaches? What an antiquated phrase! “Placed for adoption” or “placed with a family” are much more loving.”

John to Allison “I agree 100%. I also hate it when people say “gave it up for adoption.”

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24 Comments

Posted by on August 15, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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