RSS

Author Archives: TAO

About TAO

Just someone who likes to talk about what interests me.

Words…

Still pondering the rhetoric and sayings commonly used in adoption that sparked a memory of a conversation a while ago.  It started something like this: Adoption proponent asked adoptees on an adoption forum if they were proud to be adopted.  Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements
 
4 Comments

Posted by on May 24, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: ,

You must have options to choose from to be a choice

We make choices everyday throughout our lives, big or small, knowingly or not.  There are also times a conscious choice is made because you believe it is the right choice to make, a moral choice.  Sometimes there isn’t a choice to be made though it’s just something we wouldn’t ever consider doing.  Other times we don’t have any other option and then it really isn’t a choice. Read the rest of this entry »

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: , ,

From 2012: Long rambling post about life and dealing with ambiguous loss…

(this post is not about adoption, other than I’m adopted – Judy’s us)

Judy Miller has an interesting post on ambiguous loss and some good points regarding adoption and how the ambiguous loss can be felt at different times (ebbs and flows) over an adoptee’s lifetime.  I have heard the term but had never taken the time to understand the parameters of what was included in the term. It was interesting to read and one of the links goes to a book by Pauline Boss.  I may put it on my list of books to read. The Amazon page has this to say about the book:  Read the rest of this entry »

 
2 Comments

Posted by on May 21, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: , , , , ,

I was silent over Mother’s Day

I couldn’t find any words over the last week to talk about Mother’s Day that could form a cohesive post, I tried, I failed.  Instead, I read old posts and it’s surprising how many reference mom and/or dad.  Then I found a post written in 2011 about what it means to be a family, I also read the comments including the following comment: Read the rest of this entry »

 
20 Comments

Posted by on May 15, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , ,

Insecurity and adoption

First Mother Forum posted about the latest adoption letter to the Ethicist at the New York Times here.  I read both the letter from the adoptive mom and the response to her letter by the Ethicist, but what I really want to talk about is this… Read the rest of this entry »

 
13 Comments

Posted by on May 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

How much does ‘fit’ have to do with the adoptee experience

I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted.  I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee.  I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday.  I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »

 
13 Comments

Posted by on April 30, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Two thoughts intersected this morning…

Reading a post on naming your child (adoption) and one commenter shared she has two close adopted relatives who weren’t named at birth.  A second commenter brought up that the mother of their child named her child, but somehow, the original birth certificate only said Baby Girl Surname.  The response by the first commenter was that maybe mistakes happened, but neither of her adopted relatives wanted to know anything about their birth families.

The above conversation collided with the article I read after…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
21 Comments

Posted by on April 27, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , ,

For Prospective/Hopeful Adoptive Parents

You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt.  This has been a standard for a long time

You may have also been told to reach out to expectant mothers, especially those who have joined an adoption group on FB or an adoption forum seeing support.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
14 Comments

Posted by on April 23, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , ,

Microaggressions and Adoptees

The first time I heard about microagressions in adoption was from ABM on Adoptive Black Mom, this post specifically.  Yesterday, I was skimming through an annual report by Rudd that talked about a study on microaggressions and adoptees.   Read the rest of this entry »

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Need to be better, do better…

I want to talk about the reaction in the adoption community when the news broke about the Hart family and the reaction by some vocal adoptive parents in the community.  I don’t want to talk about what happened because it serves no purpose.  I want to speak carefully, but I have my own lived experience that applies a filter and bias to my words. Read the rest of this entry »

 
14 Comments

Posted by on April 8, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , ,

“I’m sorry you had such a negative experience.”

For the last three days I keep going back to a post on AFC but couldn’t find the words, so I’m bringing it here to talk about.  It’s a post by a Former Foster Youth (FFY) that is in no way problematic and, was meant to help foster parents and foster adoptive parents understand what may be in the child’s mind.   Read the rest of this entry »

 
11 Comments

Posted by on March 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , ,

On being known or remembered as a good person

Are you known as and will you be remembered as a good person?  That is the question that percolates to the top of my mind most often these days, it doesn’t matter whether I apply it to the adoption world, people in politics, or myself.  Perhaps I’m being cynical, but I’m extremely worried about the future and what it will look like. Read the rest of this entry »

 
6 Comments

Posted by on March 17, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: ,