Author Archives: TAO

About TAO

Just someone who likes to talk about what interests me.

Archives 2011: It’s natural to want to know where you came from…

“People will not look forward to posterity, who never looked backward to their ancestors” ~ Edmund Burke [1729-97]

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Posted by on May 21, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


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It’s 2019 and this keeps happening, still.

Lynne Miller is perhaps one of the sweetest and most forgiving adoptee I’ve come across in a long, long time. She found out after her parents passed away that she was adopted and is a LDA (Late discovery adoptee). Since then, Lynne has been traveling the journey of discovery in a very sensitive manner to find out what her whole story is.

And then, yesterday, this happened, and do read the whole thread where Robin doubles down, repeatedly. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on May 17, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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“I miss my family.”

This post is by Tiffany, her second guest post here, she’s also one of my friends. She’s fierce about what’s right, what’s wrong, she’s also an adoptive mom. A while ago, I asked her to write a post that might help others understand the complexity and challenges of adoption. She said she’d tell her story and see if that helped, it did, people loved it and it made a difference. Today’s post took me back to when I was a little one with big feelings I didn’t know how to deal with, that in this post, are dealt with wisdom and grace, please hear what she’s saying, it’s important.

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Posted by on April 30, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Consolation prize?

Upfront I need to say I’ve never felt this way about my adoption and we all were Plan B, but it sure seems whatever the verbiage used, that many adoptees are merely consolation prizes the adopting parents finally settled for. And I see the risk of adoptees being merely consolation prizes growing, not diminishing. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 26, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Click-bait adoption stories

I want to talk about the impact for the one adopted to be subjected to the never-ending promotion of adoption in the media, the message it sends to their friends, families, professionals and even co-workers. It’s nigh impossible to avoid, regardless of how much you try to tune it out. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 18, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Yesterday we had a beautiful sunny afternoon which allowed me the pleasure of pulling weeds for a bit. It felt good, wish I could do more. This morning it’s rainy, and as I type this, I’m listening to old tunes that take me back to both the good times and the hard times in my life. I remember times when only tuning out everything else and cranking the volume up high and listening to music could get me through the day. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 13, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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You won’t gain wisdom from yes or no questions

Seems like I’m always writing posts to adopting and adoptive parents, and yet, and here I am again on the same quest. It’s a new day and new try in finding the words you may be able to hear and understand the disconnect I see everywhere I look between adoptive parents and adoptees. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 10, 2019 in Adoption


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Birth Child Label

I got myself twisted into knots this week. Why I allowed myself to be triggered probably comes down to the fact I’ve been on a strict no-stress diet for what seems like forever. Positive Adoption Language or PAL was the cause of my lapse of living stress free. First, for those reading, I don’t take issue with all the language listed, but my word, some (or most) of the “rules” about adoptees needs to change, and the change needs to led by adoptees; adoptive parents, birth parents, adoption professionals can weigh in, but it’s ultimately the adoptees who should decide the language used about them. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 24, 2019 in Adoption


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Empty Spaces

Sipping coffee my pre-dawn musings were reflecting on what informs us of who a person truly is deep inside. That set off a cascade of ruminations which culminated with a distinctly unsettled feeling about the adoptees growing up in what passes as an open adoption these days. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 16, 2019 in Adoption


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I know an adoptee who is just fine being adopted….

The title being the default response by at least one person when any challenges and feelings an adoptee has faced, or is dealing with, is brought into a conversation. It is the response we expect and the non-adopted seldom let us down. This post is about a non-adoption conversation I had recently, hopefully it will be one that will allow non-adoptees to understand better and shift their requirements from adoptees making everyone else feel better, to accepting all facets of the adoptee experience as valid and real. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 26, 2019 in Adoption


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You need to respect the gravity of all that adoption is

You know what? This isn’t cute. This isn’t funny.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 12, 2019 in Adoption


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Hard birthday thoughts and feelings…

Fair warning, swear words and pain included…

Trauma. We all have trauma at points throughout our life and there is nothing we can do to escape that, but I’m getting tired of having that visitor keep visiting, especially on the day I was born, a day meant to celebrate, a day that also happened recently. Another birthday that never fails to reminds me that I’m different, special in an ugly way of unworthy of even being acknowledged by some family members from both sides. Pain from the realty of what happened the day I was born, left, and all that has happened since that fateful day another bastard was born. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 6, 2019 in Adoption


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