I’ve tried multiple times to collect my thoughts enough to talk about all the feelings that have erupted inside of me, unnameable, but there while I’ve watched the coverage of the separation of children from their mothers. Other adoptees are feeling strong feelings over this as well. Their feelings may be different than mine, feelings filtered through their own personal story. Read the rest of this entry »
Author Archives: TAO
I didn’t have time to delve deeply into the first mom study in my last post. Today I want to talk about what it said to me, but before that, I want to reiterate some of my feelings on first moms and domestic infant adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
If an adoptee offers anything online that could be considered less than positive about adoption there is a common reactionary statement that goes something like this: Most happy adoptees are out living their lives and aren’t on adoption forums (often littered with I’m sorry you had a bad experience, bitter, ungrateful, the I know an adoptee, etc.). I haven’t met an adoptee online who hasn’t had that said to them at least once, if not multiple times.
The same is offered to first moms online – different but similar to what is offered to an adoptee. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m thrilled to see so many adoptees talking on facebook and twitter, every year there are more and more finding their voices. Adoptees demanding space in adoption. Demanding to be heard instead of silenced. Not taking being told to sit down and be quiet from people who came into the world of adoption as adults, instead finding their community and voice, it all bodes well for the future of adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m in a few adoption groups on facebook, closed groups. Groups that lean-to opposite sides of adoption, i.e. adoptive parent heavy or first parent heavy. The message promoted in each group is often weighted on based on the predominant voices in the group. I hear a very different message presented in each, two sides of the same coin where the scales tip to the side of the prominent voices in the group. Read the rest of this entry »
Still pondering the rhetoric and sayings commonly used in adoption that sparked a memory of a conversation a while ago. It started something like this: Adoption proponent asked adoptees on an adoption forum if they were proud to be adopted. Read the rest of this entry »
We make choices everyday throughout our lives, big or small, knowingly or not. There are also times a conscious choice is made because you believe it is the right choice to make, a moral choice. Sometimes there isn’t a choice to be made though it’s just something we wouldn’t ever consider doing. Other times we don’t have any other option and then it really isn’t a choice. Read the rest of this entry »
(this post is not about adoption, other than I’m adopted – Judy’s us)
Judy Miller has an interesting post on ambiguous loss and some good points regarding adoption and how the ambiguous loss can be felt at different times (ebbs and flows) over an adoptee’s lifetime. I have heard the term but had never taken the time to understand the parameters of what was included in the term. It was interesting to read and one of the links goes to a book by Pauline Boss. I may put it on my list of books to read. The Amazon page has this to say about the book: Read the rest of this entry »
I couldn’t find any words over the last week to talk about Mother’s Day that could form a cohesive post, I tried, I failed. Instead, I read old posts and it’s surprising how many reference mom and/or dad. Then I found a post written in 2011 about what it means to be a family, I also read the comments including the following comment: Read the rest of this entry »
I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted. I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee. I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday. I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »
Reading a post on naming your child (adoption) and one commenter shared she has two close adopted relatives who weren’t named at birth. A second commenter brought up that the mother of their child named her child, but somehow, the original birth certificate only said Baby Girl Surname. The response by the first commenter was that maybe mistakes happened, but neither of her adopted relatives wanted to know anything about their birth families.
The above conversation collided with the article I read after…