When I first came online there was only a handful of sites where you could reach out and find information on how to search for your birth family. There were members on those sites that would guide you to adoption registries, explain how to get your non-identifying information from the agency or state, or if you were lucky, you were born in one of the handful of states you could order your original birth certificate (OBC). I knew nothing about the Adoptee Rights fight to get our rights back. I didn’t even know I could get my non-id information, nor that I even had an original birth certificate somewhere. I’ve learned a lot since then about clean vs. compromise Adoptee Rights legislation. Lately, two things have become exceedingly clear to me: Read the rest of this entry »
Author Archives: TAO
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I ran across this quote and others by Stephen Chbosky and they spoke to me about adoption feelings, despite not having anything to do with adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m compiling a list of books I want to try to read this winter.
Review: Ghost of Sangju: A Memoir of Reconciliation from Harlow’s Monkey back in 2015 Read the rest of this entry »
One of the never-ending conversations adoptive parents have is when the child’s mother of birth cancels, or just doesn’t show for an arranged get-together, despite having promised to be there. I can’t say with any certainty, but I do wonder if it’s more the overwhelming feelings that keeps them from keeping the commitment. Read the rest of this entry »
Platitudes, knee-jerk reactions followed by gas-lighting were topics on my Twitter-feed this morning, the latter two were words from MerriamWebster (follow them, they’re great). All three happen to be part of the landscape of adoption-land that each person faces happening to them at some point. Read the rest of this entry »
This week I went and met with an aunt for lunch, then after we went to see my other aunt who lives in a care home. Neither aunt is related to me, one joined the family after I became an adult, the other aunt (who was always my favorite) is not an aunt, simply mom’s best friend. Their friendship started in high school and continued till the day mom passed 73 years later. Read the rest of this entry »
Still mulling on, fuming on the audacity of The National Council for Adoption Advocate suggesting that DTC genetic companies should screen for adoptees by asking them if they’re adopted and then providing “adoption professionals” to contact for help so it’s “adoption-supportive and sensitive”. In my effort to consider whether they have a point re the “adoption professionals”, I googled adoption agencies+reunion advice. Read the rest of this entry »
The National Council for Adoption has concerns on adoptees using DNA tests to find their families of birth and get health information. Read the rest of this entry »
I started this post looking for a quote on identity. A quote that would describe something so fundamental as needing to know your family of origin, the why’s, the who am I, the missing part of who we are. Let me know if the quote below resonates with you. Read the rest of this entry »
Yesterday, so much horror, devastation, loss happened. I was transfixed at the sheer hopeless feeling enveloping me as I heard, watched images onscreen. My solemn deep-felt condolences to everyone affected by this tragedy. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve been working on a post for about a week, it isn’t working. It was to be about Kap, the taking a knee and everything else that is woven into it. It isn’t working because all I’m doing is getting both mad and depressed, and it isn’t because NFL players are taking a knee. It’s because white people will never come together, listen, hear the plea for change, because we aren’t comfortable about talking about race, racism, the effects of racism that we aren’t affected by. Read the rest of this entry »
We are the adopted children of our parents, we (nor them) have any say in that, it’s the legal definition.
We now have a new qualifier being attached to adoptees – we are a first mom’s birth child.
Can we please stop adding qualifiers to adoptees, last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with just being called their child. Why add a qualifier, we didn’t disqualify you, we had no say or choice in the matter. And really, it stings that you can’t even claim your child is your child. And if it is the professionals in adoption telling you to call your child that, here’s a thought, they’re wrong. Tell them that, and that perhaps, they should talk to adoptees about what we want to be called.
Ugh, just ugh.
Adoptees, do feel free to weigh in on what you think of being called your mother’s birth child.