Not sure if it’s the holiday season causing memories to randomly appear in my mind, or the unrest inside me still reverberating from the viral adoption video/story, or because this season is always so very hard for me now. Whatever it is, it sparked the post below and I don’t know whether I’ve ever talked about this here before.. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: adoption
I was having a conversation about reunion and how it can create havoc in your soul. The conversation evolved and moved into more specifics, specifically, the areas of loss an adoptee may feel. That digging deep triggered this post. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve never been someone who is comfortable sharing my deepest feelings about adoption; being adopted, or of any of the more personal experiences and feelings I’ve gone through over the years. I also know that deep reserve didn’t help me be open with mom and dad about my feelings growing up; that it was also complicated by the sibling troubles and not wanting to cause them more worries. That resulted in who I am now, someone with deep unspoken stories and feelings about everything that has happened to me throughout my life. Read the rest of this entry »
My friend Beth left this quote in a comment under my other AAM post with a quote. I loved it. Still love it. It has nothing, and yet, it has everything to do with how adoption discourse happens today between members in the adoption ‘triad’.
Domestic Infant Adoption has changed over the years. It had to because of the demand for babies and the lack of babies available to fill the demand. It had to because expectant parents were no longer dealing with a society that shamed white middle-class single mothers. It had to change, so it did, openness and instead of the expectant mother or her family paying expenses, laws were changed to allow the prospective parents to pay expenses, expectant mothers were held up as hero’s, not hidden away and expected to never speak of it again. Read the rest of this entry »
I can’t begin to tell you how many times throughout a typical day that I find myself thankful for some small act by another; whatever that act was or who benefited. Whatever good is done makes my heart happy.
Funny thing though – I never use the words grateful or gratitude.
As adoptees we have two different families; the family that adopted us, the family that we were born into. Both families shape who we are, what our family histories tell us also comes into play for many of us. Read the rest of this entry »
Been sitting back and watching the start of this month unfold. Loving the adoptees speaking up, refocusing people onto topics worthy of discussion, hopeful others in adoption get on board with just sitting back and letting the ones at the center of adoption have the podium, so to speak. This post is links to what you may have missed, but need to read, and an older post of mine that speaks to the concept of celebrating adoption that I remembered I’d written after reading the first post linked below. Read the rest of this entry »
Day One of the longest month of the year (despite being only 30 days) where we all get to hear how wonderful and downright beautiful adoption is. We’ll see lots of adoption meme’s – some better (or less icky) than others, lots of trite phrases instead of facts or discussions about foster care that the month is actually for; lots of patting each other on the back, but I digress. I was thinking I might try throwing out questions for Adoptees to answer throughout the month, how many responses I’d get is unknown, but I’m giving it a try on Day One… Read the rest of this entry »
Get out of your predominant adoptive parent only groups. Gingerly step into many different spaces with non-adoptive parent voices, sit on your hands instead of talking. Instead, just listen for a while, really listen when you’re the most uncomfortable, after a while you’ll start to hear what the underlying message is saying, some easier to hear than others. And when you go into spaces that make you uncomfortable, stop yourself each time you want to contradict in your mind (or in words) what you are hearing with protestations about how beautiful adoption is. Read the rest of this entry »
Every time I read an adoptive mother speak/write about her “adoptee” or “adoptees” I cringe. When you refer to your adopted child as merely an adoptee, you aren’t being cool, really, you aren’t. It’s more like you are denying they are your child/ren because you don’t want to acknowledge they are your adopted child/ren, or something along those lines. Call them your child you adopted when you need to, or call them your adopted child when it’s relevant, just stay in your lane, it’s up to the one adopted as to whether they refer to themselves as adopted or simply use adoptee to identify their role. Read the rest of this entry »