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Tag Archives: adoption

What adoption shouldn’t be.

Long-time adoption agencies and lawyers have been dealing with adoption for decades, nothing new there, except they now compete, co-exist with an ever expanding list of *new and improved* so-called adoption service providers who call themselves consultants, whose goal is to get you (a hopeful adoptive parent) a baby, and fast. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2020 in Adoption, Uncategorized

 

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At the end of the day, it is what it is.

Longtime readers know I think the world of my folks. You also know I’ve alluded to challenges of an older sibling in different posts. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2020 in Adoption, Uncategorized

 

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Changing how we view adoption

I’ve been pondering on adoption today and how it has become something I don’t recognise anymore. Adoptions from my era (BSE) had a host of problems, but how they’ve fixed them, largely, only seem to benefit the other players in adoption, not the child. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2020 in Adoption

 

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It’s the little things that create connections

Not long ago I was told that a flower I grew and loved, was also a flower grown and loved by my grandmother.

A grandmother I never met. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Reflections and more

The last few months have offered me endless amounts of time for reflection and for honestly assessing the life I’ve lived. I’ve looked at the challenges I met head on simply because there wasn’t any other choice. As of now, I’m embarrassed about some choices I’ve made on this journey and thankful for others; the experiences I’ve had and came out stronger for. I still have experiences that haunt me; ones I’ve never voiced, that just sit there just under the surface waiting to reappear every time I’m feeling vulnerable, those are the ones I haven’t found a way to make peace with and doubt I ever will.

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Posted by on June 11, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Listen

I’ve been struggling with everything that has been happening lately; so many emotions are coursing through me hearing so much palpable pain and anguish in each personal story being told.

This time is a long overdo moment in our collective history, and I hope the marches, the conversations happening right now bear everlasting fruit and lasting change. It has to.

My role is to listen. To listen to the stories being told right now, to believe them, that is what is important to me right now.

Do better, be better, it’s long past time for change.

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2020 in Adoption, Uncategorized

 

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We need to change how adoption is viewed.

I struggle to contain my anger when an adopted child’s entire world is taken away from them, I can’t explain in any cohesive way how devastating just the thought of it happening is, nor can I contain my outrage for the industry that placed them in that home.

On Harlow’s Monkey is this article that she was asked to contribute too, about the current story that is reverberating through the adoption community.

Adoption is complicated—and the Myka Stauffer controversy proves it

Personally, I want the National Council for Adoption to weigh in, to task themselves with the challenge of changing the harmful narratives of adoption is beautiful, adoption is love, all those sappy sentiments the adoption community and public recite by rote; and return to the basic premise that finding the right home for a child who needs one is the most important aspect in adoption.

I’m still to upset to even begin to expound on the story, how it highlights the problems with how adoption is viewed both inside the adoption community and in the public’s eye.

If you comment, you can be angry, but please remember to remain civil.

A post from a while ago that links to many posts on the problem of oversharing which this story shows the view when it is taken to the extreme.

“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.”
Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Are you a HAP hoping to adopt?

If yes, this post is for you. If you see yourself reflected below, do better, be better, because that’s not the moral standards an adoptive parent needs to have. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 15, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Reflecting

I’ve been reflecting on how easily I adapt to whatever is thrown in front of me. At the same time, I also feel bad that I simply adjust the wind in my sails and continue on while other’s around me struggle so much. I’m not saying I haven’t have moments of panic or bouts of fear about getting sick, because I did, still do at times, especially when the other half had to do the self-isolation stint. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 6, 2020 in Adoption

 

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From 2016: Adoptee loyalty…

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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PAL Suggestion

I have a suggestion for an addition to Positive Adoptive Language (PAL). Yes, me, the one who dislikes most of the required language, but maybe this request will spur an update and be inclusive of all parties to adoption (excluding adoption service providers), who knows, but it needs a good overhaul and what better time to start the conversation than now. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Making Choices

We make choices every day, but the values that drives those choices is what is important. I shopped at the same grocery chain for decades, even after their ownership changed, I resisted trying their competitor for more than a year. During that year I noticed older employees disappearing, new employees so young I wondered if they’d ever shopped for groceries before. Name brands disappearing, replaced with no-name products I’d never heard of before, or knew what company produced. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2020 in Adoption

 

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