Are Adoptees Blank Slates?

An Adoptee on twitter made an observation that summed up the reality for many adoptees and I can’t find the tweet. Argh.

 

Lies in adoption are wrong

Adoption has a history of cutting fathers out of the picture and anyone in adoption reading this post knows it’s been fairly common in infant adoption throughout the years. I haven’t been keeping up on what’s happening in adoption lately, at least not until yesterday that is. In a group that I’d previously believed ensured ethics were front and center and maybe yesterday was just an anomaly, fingers crossed, but cutting the father out by the expectant mother was okay with most commenters. And no, I’m not naming the group.

 

“I’m sorry you had a bad experience”

A few days ago I was intrigued by a thread in an adoption group and started reading the different points of view from members of all sides. And, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by the title, an AP didn’t like what she was hearing from an adoptee, and said:

“I’m sorry you had a bad experience.”

I have to say I was completely gobsmacked that any AP today wouldn’t have a clue how shallow, insincere, and downright ignorant saying that to an adoptee truly is. And if you don’t understand why I’m being so harsh, lets talk about that below.

 

“The role of the nurse in relinquishments and adoptions in Colorado”. 1961

Adoption history of the role of the Public Health Nurse interests me, I also had an Auntie who was a Public Health Visiting Nurse. This booklet describes both the different ways the Public Health Nurse worked back then in Colorado, and the ways people got around the rules. Per usual, I am only highlighting some of the info in the booklet, it’s worth reading in full if you are interested in adoption history. I am bolding direct quotes from the book, link to the booklet here.

 

There’s Always That One Adoptive Parent…

Surprise – An Adoptive Parent on twitter has a problem with Adult Adoptees…

https://twitter.com/Seekinwhatworks/status/1699069930896072831

 

From 2014 – I finally know

I started a draft post on my birthday and intended to post it a couple of weeks later, then I forgot until the other day, and now, it has morphed into a very long post because I’ve incorporated new thoughts into the post.

 

Adoption is not benign

Nikki Haley wants to know why we can’t all agree that promoting adoption is a meaningful alternative to giving people access to abortion. pic.twitter.com/qY5qEiCHJV

— Gretchen Sisson (@gesisson) August 25, 2023

 

Different thoughts running through my head

A friend called to talk the other day.

A long-time friend called me the other day, a friend I met when I was recovering from getting sick all those years ago; we’d bonded because she’d been sick at the same time and we met at the rehab exercise classes. We’d go grab lunch about once a week after a class, we didn’t have a lot in common other than our similar experience and ages, but they were enough to create an unbreakable bond. They moved away, but she’d always call me if they came to visit the area and we’d grab lunch and catch up, sometimes she’d call, just because. It’s one of those rare friendships that survives both time and distance without contact. She’d called me because her mom had passed away that morning, a passing that was expected, and was also a blessing in many ways, but, of course, she needed someone to talk to, so talk we did. We must have talked for well over an hour, talked about her mom, talked about my mom when she was at her end. I think it helped her to be distracted for a bit, it also allowed her to be able to rest easy about her mom’s passing, even though she knew it was only a matter of time, the actual event is still hard, even if you’ve known it was going to happen soon.

 

*Open Adoption Today*

I saw a post on reddit posted by a birth mother who said this:

“Going to meet my birth son who I gave up at birth 18 years ago.”

“He is very excited to meet me and his bio siblings. His mother had reached out asking if we could meet. We’ve been in an open adoption all these years so I’ve seen pictures and talk to his mom etc… But have not met him.”

 

Adoptee Identity

Not sure how many readers here are also on Facebook, but for those who are, an yet, don’t know about the FB page You Know You’re an Adoptee When… it’s a great place to visit and hear the answers by adoptees to the different questions posed by the adoptee who runs the page. If you aren’t an adoptee, know that for you it’s a place to listen, not one to engage in, nor to reply or question an adoptee’s answer, nor for you to answer for your adopted child, as there are enough long-time adoptees who have actually lived being adopted for many decades who follow and answer the questions on the page. Trust me that there so many that you can see the breadth and width of how different adoptees answer.

 

Another We Weren’t Told We Were Adopted Post.

We have had to learn to deal with being adopted in a world where being a bio is the norm, we all process it in our own ways, both as children, and again as adults, acceptance is finding the balance. Right now, my balance isn’t working, I’m angry, angrier than I’ve been for a long time at what I keep seeing that is happening in adoption.

 

Opposite sides of the same coin…

From way back in 2014 – way back when Korea Baby Boxes happened.

Growing up – I desperately wanted to know where, and who, I came from. I’m not going to pretend that desire was in my thoughts constantly, because I was just a kid. A kid that did all the normal everyday stuff – who had a mom and dad, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Yet in times of reflections, day dreaming, times when I could just be alone with my deepest thoughts – that yearning was there. That need to know – combined with knowing that I could never know.