Adoptive Parents Missing the Obivous

I copied many of the replies from this post on the FB Adoptive Families Page a couple hours after it had linked to this post: “AFTER DECADES OF PAIN, MOTHER REUNITES WITH SON GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION IN WYOMING 51-YEARS AGO”

 

#WhyILoveAdoptionChallenge

Probably a sweet idea created with the best of intentions by an agency. Probably something those who are adoptive parents would want to do, it might even lift spirits in this hard time we are all struggling through. So, I get it, I truly do, I hope it helps those who need a lift up. It’s also incredibly simplistic and unrealistic, not to mention disenfranchising to many in adoption.

 

Dear Adoptive Parents – Word of Advice

Pretty sure I’ve vented about this before. The child you adopted is not your adoptee. Don’t refer to them as your adoptee when you write about them.

“Don’t be afraid when your adoptee is disappointed with their first family.” 

 

What I’m mulling on today

“I appreciate your personal experience as an adoptee; that is anecdotal evidence at best.”

Why are adoptee experiences so often noted (written off) as anecdotal evidence by adoptive parents? I know the same anecdotal evidence comments happen to first parents too.

 

No words left

Just read a blog post that detailed everything you need to know and do when you are adopting.

Everything that is, except learning how that baby or child you adopt will feel, what they will think about, what pops up at what age. What an adopted child needs to not just grow and thrive, but needs from you to feel free to process their emotions, to not feel the need to protect you, instead of them being supported by you, they’ll learn they need to take care of you.

It’s the adoption way, it’s all about you and your needs mama.

I give up. 

 

Do you really need to share your adoption story to all? (from 2018)

Dear people adopting or even have already adopted – I watched one of the thousands of adoption video’s this morning. This is how I feel after watching it. Please listen to my words and consider them. 

 

Adoptees don’t all think or feel alike.

I finally signed up for instragram, still don’t understand why people like it or even know how to navigate through it. And no, don’t look for me there because I struggle just to keep current here, just so you know where this came from.

 

National Adoption Awareness Month – Pop Quiz 2020

The post below is a slightly edited post from 2019 there is no pop quiz and with the covid-19 pandemic happening I’m hoping that people have become both more aware and motivated to know their family health histories; to document them, to know them, especially for their children they adopted who won’t have grown up in their biological family. Please comment and talk about ensuring this Thanksgiving you will do it, or update it. It’s important.

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We all know that having an updated and robust Family Health History is invaluable, that the older we get, the more important it becomes. Long-time readers of this blog know that I was that adoptee who was too busy living my best life to focus on adoption and being an adoptee, until I wasn’t. Until the lack of any family health history changed my life, completely, a life I never could get back.

 

Dear pro-life would be adopter…from 2015

(Lots of online discussion on adopting due to the recent SC nominee so it seems timely to re-up this post and hopefully make some think)

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good.  Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…

She’s not ready to adopt…

 

Getting personal in regards to being adopted.

I’ve been pondering on a conversation my husband and I had the other night, sparked by a question on a game show of all things. Something about how long is too long for your in-laws to visit. Long story short, he didn’t like how mom treated me, how she always seemed to find a way to put me down.

 

Happy for New York Adoptees

Adoptees from New York now have the right to their original birth certificates; in the first 48 hours 3600 online applications were made. There’s an estimated 650,000 adoptees from New York per this article: New York Adoptees Rush to Request Birth Certificates, After Years of Blocked Access. Adoptee Rights Law has details on how the new law works: Updated Info on New York’s New Law

Congratulations to everyone who has fought to change the law in the last 40 odd years and to all adoptees from New York. Now the challenge is to get the changes made to the NY Law known by adoptees from NY, seems easy but there are still adoptees from states who have changed the law regarding their original birth certificate, who have no idea they can order theirs.

 

Would Both/And Allow for Honest Conversations in Adoption?

Both/And allows a person to be free to acknowledge and hold more than one truth even though it seems counterintuitive or contrary. In adoption I think it is a badly needed mindset to allow for more honesty and respect – both between the three groups and within each group.

Grab a coffee to go with the imaginary chocolate chip cookies pictured and read through the scenarios. Tell me which ones you agree with, which you don’t, whether it’s possible to move people in adoption in this direction. Cheers