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Tag Archives: loss

PAL Suggestion

I have a suggestion for an addition to Positive Adoptive Language (PAL). Yes, me, the one who dislikes most of the required language, but maybe this request will spur an update and be inclusive of all parties to adoption (excluding adoption service providers), who knows, but it needs a good overhaul and what better time to start the conversation than now. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Processing being Adopted

This is my interpretation of what an adoptee can experience delving into being adopted. As per normal, include #notall as you need too. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 13, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Influx

Talk is going round the online adoption world about an expected influx of expectant mothers to adoption. I’m not in the know so I can’t say if that is correct, yet it wouldn’t be surprising if it was true, with all the lost jobs, the panic over not being able to pay your rent or groceries for starters, let alone no idea how long this will last, how long before normal returns. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From 2014: Every single day…

My mother was asked by someone fairly close to her, if she still thought about me after all this time.  The title was the immediate answer.  Stop and think about what that means to a mother.  To me, it means that not only did she think about me, she would have wondered if I was okay, healthy, happy, sad, even if I was alive. I can only begin to imagine the level of pain she lived with, because without knowledge, I doubt that she would think only good thoughts, not have any worries about the life I was living, rather, they would include if I was living, what my new family was like, was I loved, was I okay. I compare her words with the length of time I thought of my son every single day – before I had days, and then, weeks go by without thinking about my son after he passed. That transition happened long before the first decade had passed and having lived through that, I can’t imagine the pain that stretched decades, day in, day out, no relief, no forgetting. It’s incomprehensible, and makes tears roll down my face just thinking about it. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Sharing Your Child’s Story

Reading this post on Adoptive Families Facebook page is the reason I’m talking about this again. Maybe I’ll be able to change some hearts and minds and, maybe no one has explained well enough so it makes sense. What likeminded people in adoption are trying to do is to get you to take the time to see and set a line on what’s okay to share and what’s private (not secret, just private) of your families adoption story, especially your child’s story. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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2018 – What the first mom study said to me

In June 2018 I did a post on a recent first mom study of mothers who’d relinquished their parental rights within the last 25 years. I talked about what I took out of it, I also copied the recommendations from the study, who knows if any adoption service providers read the study or considered those recommendations. If any agency did, I’d love to hear about it, if they’d already practiced that way, I’d love to hear that too. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Note to Adoptive Parents

This post is wandering into a place that makes me uncomfortable and maybe it will be for naught as those who need to hear it, will likely not hear or understand the reason why I’m going there. Do understand #NotAll applies without me needing to say it each time.

It’s a fact that infertility plays an oversize reason why people turn to adoption, and specifically, to domestic infant adoption (DIA). It’s also a fact that many of those have suffered through multiple losses first, and for that, I’m sorry. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Couple of questions for adoptees

Adoptee’s do you think your parents skewed their parenting in ways suggested in the quote below. If yes, in what way? Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Loss in adoption

I’m thankful that more people involved in adoption have started recognising that there is loss with adoption and being adopted, how or when it affects the one adopted is individual, but loss there is. Yet, I’m also wary when I hear people acknowledge that, people who aren’t adopted but adopting can’t really understand what that loss truly is if they have only seen it, but haven’t lived it. It makes me worry that their acknowledgement will just become a trite expected thing to say, rather than any deep understanding what it is. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Holidays and Rabbit Holes…

December and the holidays are a mixed bag for me. I have wonderful memories of Christmas past and present, traditions kept, the carols, love the carols and memories of going caroling as a child, the frozen fingers and toes and the hot chocolate after. December is also filled with deeply personal losses that haunt me every year, and some years, I fall down the rabbit hole of loss. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 29, 2019 in Adoption

 

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Hidden feelings

Not sure if it’s the holiday season causing memories to randomly appear in my mind, or the unrest inside me still reverberating from the viral adoption video/story, or because this season is always so very hard for me now. Whatever it is, it sparked the post below and I don’t know whether I’ve ever talked about this here before.. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2019 in Adoption

 

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Adoption Stories…

Today, I want to talk about the latest adoption viral story to hit the internet and TV shows. It did the rounds on facebook pages and hit the adoption groups on Facebook, instantly. Pretty much, most of the adoptive parents were all aflutter loving it, the adoptees, not so much, with some loving it, some thought it wasn’t bad, some didn’t like it at all. And of course, there were those adoptive parents who knew an adoptee (or three) who all loved it, but, I don’t think any adoptee weighing in thought the destruction of that little boy’s privacy was right, or good. And it’s not good because you don’t know the future on any of his feelings; but the feel good need so many had, removed any consideration of protecting his story and that it should be sacred for just his family and close friends. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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