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Tag Archives: loss

Comments from Adoption and breastfeeding – touchy subject post. Part 2.

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Comment From “A Friend” last fall when a group found this post, I’ve broken it into 3 parts for ease of answering. The full comment below because it’s all over the place:

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Posted by on January 15, 2022 in Adoption

 

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Comments from Adoption and breastfeeding – touchy subject post. Part 1.

It’s taken me a while to respond to two comments left by different upset readers on the Breastfeeding post. I was going to just ignore them, but this post keeps getting wide circulation on FB, so maybe it’s time to respond.

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Posted by on January 11, 2022 in Uncategorized

 

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New Year’s Day 2022

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” — Alan Alda

We’d all be better if we took the advice above, myself included.

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Posted by on January 1, 2022 in Uncategorized

 

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Christmas Holiday Time 2021

I was looking back at the different Holiday posts over the years and reading the comments from all my friends here on the blog. I want to thank everyone who stops by for a spell, you’ve made my life so much better than you will ever know, and I’m thankful for those folks who have recently stopped by as well that I’m just getting to know. And those who haven’t commented, please do, join in and get to know everyone.

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Posted by on December 24, 2021 in Adoption, Uncategorized

 

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Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Originally posted 21 Sept 2015

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…

She’s not ready to adopt…

It takes a lot of empathy, being able, and willing, to see all the different sides in adoption. To see the trauma the other sides go through, so you get what you want most, a baby. Some people never get there, and that’s okay, provided they don’t adopt.

To me, to be ready to be adoptive parents, it takes…

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Posted by on December 6, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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Didn’t sleep well last night.

Woke up in a mood you could politely say was cranky, that mood was because yesterday was a terrible day for women in the USA, a day foretelling the very real possibility of Roe v. Wade being struck down. And yes, I understand that the states could enact their own laws re abortion, but even if some states do, other states won’t and it will leave many without recourse, let alone a real choice, and yes, many women will have no choice but adoption.

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Posted by on December 2, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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What I lost

Written in December 2019

I was having a conversation about reunion and how it can create havoc in your soul. The conversation evolved and moved into more specifics, specifically, the areas of loss an adoptee may feel. That digging deep triggered this post.

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Posted by on November 4, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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From the NYT Ethicist column

“The Son My Sister Placed for Adoption Wants to Find Her. What Should I Do?”

My youngest sister had a baby when she was an unmarried teenager. This was some decades ago, when abortion laws and misguided morality made things difficult for someone who was pregnant and unmarried. She told me she was pregnant, and though I encouraged her to tell our parents, she decided to conceal her condition by wearing larger-size clothes. When she gave birth at the hospital to a healthy boy, our mother talked her into having the baby adopted. My sister signed the adoption papers with the proviso that her identity as the mother not be revealed to the child. A few years later, she married. She and her husband have a daughter, but while her husband knows about the adopted son, I don’t believe their daughter does.

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Posted by on October 26, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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Links to posts on late discovery…

From 2015

Not that I can ever imagine what a Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA) goes through, I’m sure it would break my heart and take a long time to come to any level of peace.  I’m also sure there are many future LDA’s that will find out when their parents pass away and they deal with the estate paperwork, or decide one day to innocently take a DNA test that has become such a popular tool. Why did any parent think it was proper to lie to their child, especially, when others around them know the truth. Today there are parents of adopted children who don’t want to, or intend to tell, still. To me it’s selfishness of the worst kind, setting your child up for a heart-breaking discovery down the road, all to make you feel ‘real’ and keep your secrets. I have a hard time understanding anyone who willingly chooses not to tell – how can you parent your child with such a huge lie between you?

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Posted by on October 20, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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Simple primer for reading this blog…

Written in 2017

The other day an Adoptive Parent left a comment on a post detailing that I had enormous problems bonding with my adoptive parents and how I demonize adoption as the source of all my pain and woes. Say what? Funny thing happened though, it didn’t upset me like it would have in the past, whether that’s because it’s become old hat, or because I’ve come to the conclusion that most folks can’t separate “adoption” from “being adopted” from “family” from “feelings” and get upset that I don’t use “disclaimers”, which I believe may have been part of the reason the comment was left.

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Posted by on October 4, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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What if “the vocal adoptees” are right?

Post written in 2016.

The theory: That most adoptees are just living their lives and those who are vocal are not the norm…aka angry adoptees, had a bad experience, ungrateful, mal-adjusted, anti-adoption, etc.,…

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Posted by on September 28, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Endless cycle of non-adopted knowing all.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen these types of comments shown below in italics that are made in response to someone talking about the hard parts of being adopted, and that, the feelings are not necessarily once and done. I thought we’d been there, done that, and had entered the new age of not using a single adoptee as the voice of all adoptees and all things being adopted. Instead, it’s me choosing to avoid people who speak to what they don’t know, haven’t experienced.

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Posted by on September 24, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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