Tag Archives: loss

Not adoption related, but maybe it is…

I love having dogs and/or cats in my life; there have only been a few brief moments in my life when I didn’t have at least one animal friend keeping me company. I’m now without a buddy for the first time in probably 30 years, if not longer, and I’m lonely, a lonely that human contact can’t fix. Granted it’s only been a few weeks and I’m still tearing up when I think of my dog, but I truly think some of us get something from animals we can’t get from people. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on July 7, 2019 in Adoption


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When you see all the facets of being adopted

You know a friend who has always loved being adopted, suffered no ill effects from being adopted, the one you always hold up as a positive adoptee with a good experience? Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on June 22, 2019 in Adoption


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I’m tired, but I’ll keep trying…

I’ve lost faith that most private adoption (DIA and DYI/DIA) will ever change to be child centered. Based on what I see, there seems to be little to no rigor in requiring people wanting to adopt be of a certain caliber, or have the ability to step outside of their wants, as long as they can tick specific boxes they get their homestudy approved, regardless if they are AP material or not. And when that happens only the industry wins, the child surely doesn’t. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on June 15, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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“I miss my family.”

This post is by Tiffany, her second guest post here, she’s also one of my friends. She’s fierce about what’s right, what’s wrong, she’s also an adoptive mom. A while ago, I asked her to write a post that might help others understand the complexity and challenges of adoption. She said she’d tell her story and see if that helped, it did, people loved it and it made a difference. Today’s post took me back to when I was a little one with big feelings I didn’t know how to deal with, that in this post, are dealt with wisdom and grace, please hear what she’s saying, it’s important.

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Posted by on April 30, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Consolation prize?

Upfront I need to say I’ve never felt this way about my adoption and we all were Plan B, but it sure seems whatever the verbiage used, that many adoptees are merely consolation prizes the adopting parents finally settled for. And I see the risk of adoptees being merely consolation prizes growing, not diminishing. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 26, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Click-bait adoption stories

I want to talk about the impact for the one adopted to be subjected to the never-ending promotion of adoption in the media, the message it sends to their friends, families, professionals and even co-workers. It’s nigh impossible to avoid, regardless of how much you try to tune it out. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 18, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Yesterday we had a beautiful sunny afternoon which allowed me the pleasure of pulling weeds for a bit. It felt good, wish I could do more. This morning it’s rainy, and as I type this, I’m listening to old tunes that take me back to both the good times and the hard times in my life. I remember times when only tuning out everything else and cranking the volume up high and listening to music could get me through the day. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 13, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Empty Spaces

Sipping coffee my pre-dawn musings were reflecting on what informs us of who a person truly is deep inside. That set off a cascade of ruminations which culminated with a distinctly unsettled feeling about the adoptees growing up in what passes as an open adoption these days. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 16, 2019 in Adoption


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I know an adoptee who is just fine being adopted….

The title being the default response by at least one person when any challenges and feelings an adoptee has faced, or is dealing with, is brought into a conversation. It is the response we expect and the non-adopted seldom let us down. This post is about a non-adoption conversation I had recently, hopefully it will be one that will allow non-adoptees to understand better and shift their requirements from adoptees making everyone else feel better, to accepting all facets of the adoptee experience as valid and real. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 26, 2019 in Adoption


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You need to respect the gravity of all that adoption is

You know what? This isn’t cute. This isn’t funny.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 12, 2019 in Adoption


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Hard birthday thoughts and feelings…

Fair warning, swear words and pain included…

Trauma. We all have trauma at points throughout our life and there is nothing we can do to escape that, but I’m getting tired of having that visitor keep visiting, especially on the day I was born, a day meant to celebrate, a day that also happened recently. Another birthday that never fails to reminds me that I’m different, special in an ugly way of unworthy of even being acknowledged by some family members from both sides. Pain from the realty of what happened the day I was born, left, and all that has happened since that fateful day another bastard was born. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 6, 2019 in Adoption


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Thoughts after watching Three Identical Strangers

I just watched Three Identical Strangers. I’ve known about the study for years, talked about it on this blog. Reading vs. watching the film, there is no comparison in the sheer magnitude of emotions churning inside me right now versus reading about it in a series of dry words put on paper. This isn’t a review of the film. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 28, 2019 in Adoption


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