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Tag Archives: loss

The Book: Being Adopted – The Lifelong Search for Self

(a post from 2011 I’ve rewritten).  I have so much praise for this book, the way it explains the different phases an adoptee may go through, and the triggers that can happen along the way.  How the cognitive developmental stages work with understanding adoption, to different stressors, losses, the different phases of life. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on January 6, 2018 in Adoption

 

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New Years Eve thoughts…

I woke this morning and the clock told me it was 4:36 am, about the time I usually get up.  While I was waiting for my coffee to be ready, I stood at the sink and looked out the kitchen window into the darkness filled with shadows that I know are the massive trees in my neighborhood, highlighted by the warm glow from the street lights.  It’s beautiful and peaceful and I don’t like sleeping in and missing this time of day, nor later watching as the day begins to dawn, and later still watching the fog roll in.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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The journey so far being an adoptive mom

This post is by Tiffany one of my friends I met on an adoption forum years ago.  She’s fierce about what’s right, what’s wrong, she’s also an adoptive mom.  A while ago, I asked her to write a post that might help others understand the complexity and challenges of adoption.  She said she’d tell her story and see if that helped.  This is a long-read so grab a beverage before digging in.  This is a must read.  Thank you my friend.

************** Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Similar and different…

Dear Adoptive Parents and those waiting to adopt,

I just had a thought on something adoptive parents and adoptees have in common, and it’s something I don’t think people get, but lets back-up and start with the basics.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Pity Party for one…

Thankful that Thanksgiving is done, now to just get through Christmas and New Years.  And yes, that all sounds like I’m nothing more than a Grinch singing Bah-Humbug.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2017 in Adoption

 

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The reason why, the reason why it is different

Some, perhaps even many adoptees grumble about hopeful and adoptive parents grabbing onto the latest happy domestic infant adoption story, sharing it widely, making sappy comments, and I know for me, it always triggers an immediate reaction that starts with ugh. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Could it simply be overwhelming feelings…

One of the never-ending conversations adoptive parents have is when the child’s mother of birth cancels, or just doesn’t show for an arranged get-together, despite having promised to be there.  I can’t say with any certainty, but I do wonder if it’s more the overwhelming feelings that keeps them from keeping the commitment. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Words and adoption

Platitudes, knee-jerk reactions followed by gas-lighting were topics on my Twitter-feed this morning, the latter two were words from MerriamWebster (follow them, they’re great).  All three happen to be part of the landscape of adoption-land that each person faces happening to them at some point. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Continuing on from: Hey, that’s how I’ve always felt…

Continuing on with the previous (post) about not having the words or the ability to recognise specific challenges that link to being adopted.  But first off for those thinking not everything is related to being adopted, you’re right, it’s not.

But when it is, it is.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2017 in Adoption

 

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Hey, that’s how I’ve always felt…

Thought for the day:

I can’t tell you how many adoptees start off processing the hard parts of being adopted, once they start talking with and getting to know other adoptees.  Then they start talking about feelings, feelings they’ve never been comfortable sharing with others.  Then once they hear others that were triggered the same way, in the same circumstances, the pennies start dropping that their reaction to (perceived rejection, insecurities relationship wise, not feeling good enough, anxiety, aloneness, different) centered around being adopted and is all part of the adoptee experience. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 14, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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I don’t have an answer, I don’t think there is one.

I’ve struggled lately to put one cohesive theme into a post, anything more than a paragraph just isn’t working, I get off-track like I’ve done in this post, because, somehow, they are all inter-connected.  And, I’ve come to the conclusion that even in my writing, I’m struggling with that old familiar feeling that waits in the shadow to pounce in a moment of weakness, or when you let your guard down for a minute, fear.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2017 in Adoption

 

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