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Tag Archives: loss

Moving past Positive Adoptive Language

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen the the topic “Is Adopted” or “Was Adopted” discussed on an Adoptive Parent Facebook Page. It amused me after a quick scan of Adoptive Parent replies using “Was Adopted” and how being adopted didn’t define their child, with a few who had more nuanced answers to give. The irony of Adoptive Parents being on an Adoptive Parent Facebook page talking mainly about all things Adoption and Adoptive Parenting seems to have escaped them; as most say they use “Was Adopted” and some expanded that it happened in the past and doesn’t define their child or their family.

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Posted by on September 3, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Lucky

I’m one of the “lucky” adoptees from the era referred to as the Baby Scoop Era (BSE). I’m lucky for all the reasons listed below and more. I also wish I never needed to be “lucky” in the first place.

And my use of the term Lucky is not giving any non-adopted person permission to use it in regards to an adopted person.

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Posted by on September 1, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dear Adoptive Parents – Just Stop

FB post by Fox 13 News Ohio woman finds son she put up for adoptee 33 years ago through 23andMe

First comment by Allison close to top of the comments, the comment that spurred all the comments below, I’m sure I missed some but how ignorant it is to spoil what was a story about a reunion between mother and son.

Allison “Put up”?? Like a case of bottled peaches? What an antiquated phrase! “Placed for adoption” or “placed with a family” are much more loving.”

John to Allison “I agree 100%. I also hate it when people say “gave it up for adoption.”

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Posted by on August 15, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Telling Our Stories

Every afternoon Grandma would sit in her overstuffed chair by the window and watch the people walking up and down the main road going into town. While she was doing that, she’d muse on what type of person they were, what their story might be, all based on what she saw them doing, carrying, the frequency they walked that road, if I was there visiting, she’d muse out loud. It was her way of whiling away the hours once she got to the point in her life where just doing her morning chores was all she could do, and now, it was her time to just relax and let her mind wander. What Grandma never did though, was tell us her stories of growing up, not what it was like to immigrate, marry, raising kids; we’d hear snippets, but not stories. There are so many missing stories that would have explained who she was, why she was the way she was, both the good and the hard shaped her – that I know.

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Posted by on August 5, 2021 in Adoption

 

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Rambling thoughts after reading an article.

I stumbled across the article linked at the end of the post when I was looking for something else, so I saved the link to do a post on it that I never got around to doing, until today, and yes, I’m rambling and letting my mind go where it will. The article is from 1990, and it’s about adoption and a time before Facebook existed, it talks about how people advertised for expectant mothers to pick them.

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Posted by on July 27, 2021 in Adoption, Uncategorized

 

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Family Tree

I’ve been working on my paternal family tree, the tree that has given me the most angst because I’ve been doing it without anything more than the name of my father by birth, where he grew up, his approximate age. I’d pick it up and try to make sense of it, get confused, give up and swear I was done with it and mean it. Well, in the last couple of weeks I picked it back up because it was too hot to do anything else, and pennies started dropping all over the place and it makes sense, finally. I can plot and document my ancestral timeline, add dates, places, names, what they did, what wars they fought in and survived, the impact those wars had on them personally, and more.

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Posted by on July 8, 2021 in Adoption

 

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Nip it in the bud if someone says it.

It isn’t okay to say “family has come out of the woodwork” when you are hoping to adopt the child you’ve been fostering.

It just isn’t.

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Posted by on July 3, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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Adoption needs to do better

We come from different generations.

Both lived in the same geographical area.

Each brought up in different religions.

Each raised with different cultural traditions and stories.

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Posted by on June 26, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Unintended Reminder

Do you remember word games people would use to pass the time on long drives? Word games about if you could talk to a famous person from the past, who would you want to meet and why?

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Posted by on May 12, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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The Push and Pull…(2016)

From 2016 The Push and Pull. I wrote this a few months after mom passed and struggling with the waves of different emotions and memories.

I’ve done lots of thinking during the last few months. Mostly about family, the good, the bad, and sometimes – downright ugly. Funny thing happened just now when I typed that last sentence, I imagined some readers making assumptions about what I meant just then, what ‘type’ of adoptee I am, having just written that. 

Although I used the term assumption above, we (everyone in adoption) know it’s true from years of having it proven true. True because of the desperation so many adopting parents have that needs adoption to be wonderful, always.

Nothing is wonderful, always, life always has good and bad components to it.

Getting back to the thinking part of my recent journey. Not just the good, warm memories hit me, bad memories too. Hard deeply emotional personal memories, some I didn’t want to remember, ever.

Good with the bad.

This post is for those who need adoption to be wonderful, always…

You can genuinely be part of your family, love life, just be, and also, mourn deeply for the life you would have had, should have had, all the losses not having that life entails. Too me, it’s a dichotomy. You can love and hate something at the same time.

If you can’t accept that, do some souls-searching on your experiences, pretty sure you’ll find something that makes the penny drop on what I’m talking about. Maybe it will help you understand what it’s like to live this life, being adopted.

The push and pull…

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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#WhyILoveAdoptionChallenge

Probably a sweet idea created with the best of intentions by an agency. Probably something those who are adoptive parents would want to do, it might even lift spirits in this hard time we are all struggling through. So, I get it, I truly do, I hope it helps those who need a lift up. It’s also incredibly simplistic and unrealistic, not to mention disenfranchising to many in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Yes, My Folks told us we were Adopted and talked about it freely.

The article posted below by an adoption agency is inaccurate, read further to understand why it’s inaccurate.

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Posted by on February 7, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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