I’ve posted this story elsewhere of sisters who were separated and adopted into different homes; the response was typical, shallow best describes the reaction and that’s the problem I see within the adoption community when it comes to the adoptee. Whatever the back story is for the one adopted, even if egregious, people in the adoption world typically only offer how lucky they were to find each other. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: loss
So, a meme posted on an open FB page about an adopted child is “touched” by the loss of their primary attachment so they aren’t lucky, sparks these two comments by two different adoptive parents. Read the rest of this entry »
I love how comments spur more thoughts, reflections, or a penny or two dropping (myself included). I’m talking about the comments in my last post, a post that started off more as a why vent than anything else, and then, naturally morphed into more. I’ve pulled a few snippets from the comments, and yes, context is lost with just a snippet from a larger thought, but you’re welcome to read the post and comments in full. Read the rest of this entry »
Yesterday, I googled the name of my father by birth to see if he was still alive. He isn’t, he passed not very long ago, his obit held information that helped me in his family tree which is most welcome, other than that, nothing has changed with his death, I didn’t know him, his choice from the start to the end. Read the rest of this entry »
An article was posted that had Tummy Mommy in the title, I knew I should avoid it, the title told me it would make me upset. I clicked anyway. Dumb, dumb idea.
I read it. I read it right to the bitter end. Read the rest of this entry »
I know I’m always talking about how you adopt matters, I’m hoping that today’s post offers you a chance to consider how the long-term impact your choices in adopting can play out and even be generational. Choosing the way to get that baby fastest, easiest, the shortest time post birth to relinquishment, or no revocation period, shouldn’t be what guides the choices you make, your ethics and morals should. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s a rare adoptee who would fit into the Either/Or category people like to paint us as, instead try seeing us as Both/And. Read the rest of this entry »
Before I reunited with my maternal family of birth – I loved every reunion story I read, watched. Now these many years later I’m more likely than not to pass them by because of the emotions that bubble up inside of me, that normally, sit just under the surface. Emotions that run the gamut of happy they finally met, to sad for all those years missed, years when they should have built a lifetime of memories to sustain them throughout life. Anger at all the reasons why because of adoption that they don’t have those memories. Emotions from my lived reality. And often, a healthy dose of disdain (not the right word) for the reactions of adoptive and birth parents of being happy for them, because they can never, ever, understand how little reuniting fixes anything unless they too, have lived it. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear people who adopt, want to adopt,
Your child’s “birthmom’s” mom is your child’s grandma, not “birthmom’s” mom (well, she is that too). I get that you may desperately want to be your child’s only family, but that isn’t how it works when you adopt (and you know me well enough to know my answer is if you can’t accept that and haven’t adopted yet, then don’t adopt). Read the rest of this entry »
Those of you who are friends of mine on facebook know I’m getting to the stage of life where memories of times past seem important to remember. Whether it’s my age, because I love genealogy that has stories to create whispers of who that person was, what they stood for, so who they were wasn’t lost in a sea of time, or just a personality quirk that’s always been there – I’m now officially that person who muses on the past. Read the rest of this entry »
I didn’t have time to delve deeply into the first mom study in my last post. Today I want to talk about what it said to me, but before that, I want to reiterate some of my feelings on first moms and domestic infant adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
If an adoptee offers anything online that could be considered less than positive about adoption there is a common reactionary statement that goes something like this: Most happy adoptees are out living their lives and aren’t on adoption forums (often littered with I’m sorry you had a bad experience, bitter, ungrateful, the I know an adoptee, etc.). I haven’t met an adoptee online who hasn’t had that said to them at least once, if not multiple times.
The same is offered to first moms online – different but similar to what is offered to an adoptee. Read the rest of this entry »