I’m thankful that more people involved in adoption have started recognising that there is loss with adoption and being adopted, how or when it affects the one adopted is individual, but loss there is. Yet, I’m also wary when I hear people acknowledge that, people who aren’t adopted but adopting can’t really understand what that loss truly is if they have only seen it, but haven’t lived it. It makes me worry that their acknowledgement will just become a trite expected thing to say, rather than any deep understanding what it is. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: loss
December and the holidays are a mixed bag for me. I have wonderful memories of Christmas past and present, traditions kept, the carols, love the carols and memories of going caroling as a child, the frozen fingers and toes and the hot chocolate after. December is also filled with deeply personal losses that haunt me every year, and some years, I fall down the rabbit hole of loss. Read the rest of this entry »
Not sure if it’s the holiday season causing memories to randomly appear in my mind, or the unrest inside me still reverberating from the viral adoption video/story, or because this season is always so very hard for me now. Whatever it is, it sparked the post below and I don’t know whether I’ve ever talked about this here before.. Read the rest of this entry »
Today, I want to talk about the latest adoption viral story to hit the internet and TV shows. It did the rounds on facebook pages and hit the adoption groups on Facebook, instantly. Pretty much, most of the adoptive parents were all aflutter loving it, the adoptees, not so much, with some loving it, some thought it wasn’t bad, some didn’t like it at all. And of course, there were those adoptive parents who knew an adoptee (or three) who all loved it, but, I don’t think any adoptee weighing in thought the destruction of that little boy’s privacy was right, or good. And it’s not good because you don’t know the future on any of his feelings; but the feel good need so many had, removed any consideration of protecting his story and that it should be sacred for just his family and close friends. Read the rest of this entry »
I was having a conversation about reunion and how it can create havoc in your soul. The conversation evolved and moved into more specifics, specifically, the areas of loss an adoptee may feel. That digging deep triggered this post. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve never been someone who is comfortable sharing my deepest feelings about adoption; being adopted, or of any of the more personal experiences and feelings I’ve gone through over the years. I also know that deep reserve didn’t help me be open with mom and dad about my feelings growing up; that it was also complicated by the sibling troubles and not wanting to cause them more worries. That resulted in who I am now, someone with deep unspoken stories and feelings about everything that has happened to me throughout my life. Read the rest of this entry »
My friend Beth left this quote in a comment under my other AAM post with a quote. I loved it. Still love it. It has nothing, and yet, it has everything to do with how adoption discourse happens today between members in the adoption ‘triad’.
Domestic Infant Adoption has changed over the years. It had to because of the demand for babies and the lack of babies available to fill the demand. It had to because expectant parents were no longer dealing with a society that shamed white middle-class single mothers. It had to change, so it did, openness and instead of the expectant mother or her family paying expenses, laws were changed to allow the prospective parents to pay expenses, expectant mothers were held up as hero’s, not hidden away and expected to never speak of it again. Read the rest of this entry »
On a post on WSBS FB page talking about the TLC show Taken At Birth series is this comment:
Yes just finished. Was such a crazy story! Goes to show how much education and knowledge around adoption has improved in the last 70 years but still a horrific story.
I’ve decided to add a new tag: Adoptive Parents say the darndest things. Read the rest of this entry »
I hated this hashtag from the first time I saw it several years ago. I hated it because the people using it, whatever role they held or hoped to hold in adoption, had no real knowledge of all that adoption is; what it means to be adopted and the different struggles adoptees face over the course of their lives. Read the rest of this entry »
I love having dogs and/or cats in my life; there have only been a few brief moments in my life when I didn’t have at least one animal friend keeping me company. I’m now without a buddy for the first time in probably 30 years, if not longer, and I’m lonely, a lonely that human contact can’t fix. Granted it’s only been a few weeks and I’m still tearing up when I think of my dog, but I truly think some of us get something from animals we can’t get from people. Read the rest of this entry »