Tag Archives: loss

Ancestry and so much more…

I was going to do a post on Identity, but then, I stumbled on the story below that is more fascinating than anything I’d have to say.

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Posted by on January 20, 2023 in Adoption, Ethics


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Lately, I’ve felt that there really isn’t a point of trying to make adoption more ethical, or rare. Nor of making people think about the adoptee experience – both growing up, and living a life filled with blank spaces. Blank spaces that can never be filled, questions that will always remain unanswered.

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Posted by on January 13, 2023 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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The Year 2022 is almost done and 2023 almost here.

We had the Christmas we wanted, very quiet just the two of us plus the two cats. We also didn’t decorate because of the two cats. Tonight we are going to order Chinese food and pick it up, same thing we used to do before the pandemic happened for New Years. We’d do it to get me out of my memories that come to the forefront at this time of year, it has always worked well to have a change of pace.

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Posted by on December 31, 2022 in Adoption, Ethics, Uncategorized


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Bits and Bobs

Also known as Odds and Ends on this side of the pond.

First Up: The other day I went on Ancestry to see if there was any new hints in my main trees; ended up deciding I’d finally try to do Mom’s tree again. I’d obviously forgotten why I’d given up doing that tree in-depth, and I soon realized the error of trying to do a tree based in England, that also included branches in the USA, Canada and Australia. Nonetheless, I decided it was now or never, also, I needed it done to show someone on ancestry they were wrong with who they listed as the Matriarch of mom’s family.

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Posted by on December 7, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


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Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac passed away yesterday, another great from the era of Rock & Roll. Memories were instantly evoked of long gone yesterdays. Days when I was struggling so hard with all those adoption feelings that were never spoken aloud, the angst felt, the anger of what was and the feelings of abandonment so strong. The drives I went on after getting off work at night, just driving with the tunes cranked and the windows down helped kept me alive.

I still have those feelings of abandonment at times and expect I always will.

I still have trust issues when it’s personal.

I still doubt I’m worthy of being loved.

Adoption has it’s place but it should be exceedingly rare, and only when every other option has been fully explored, because the price paid over a lifetime is too high.

Rest in Peace Christine McVie.


Posted by on December 1, 2022 in Adoption


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Every once in a while I read the advice columns on Washington Post or in the New York Times. Today, I’m doing laundry so I went and scrolled through the columns and found this one in WAPO Ask Amy.

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Posted by on November 27, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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The Loss Becomes Deeper

I have spent countless hours doing my folks family trees, and my family trees, as well – the difference between the trees of my adoptive family is I can recount so many family stories I was part of, and all the stories told I wasn’t part of, and yet can tell them, because they were told, retold and talked about over the years.

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Posted by on November 20, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


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I’m still here

Having a hard time making any of my thoughts translate to a post, so here’s yet another try.

Just heard a middle-aged adoptee who was asked to introduce himself, who, after stating his name included “I’m adopted and I hit the Jackpot.” He was speaking in a situation where being adopted (or not) had no bearing on anything, they just wanted his name for the record.

It was bizarre to say the least.

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Posted by on November 3, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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In Adoption, Loss Never Truly Ends.

This morning I woke up to a tweet by

A tweet that chilled my soul.

A tweet that foretold the desire by some to make many more babies available for adoption.

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Posted by on October 8, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics


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Adoptee Loyalty from 2016

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me. 

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Posted by on September 16, 2022 in Adoption


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Missing Pieces

I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.

Where was I before I was adopted?

Did I stay in hospital the whole time?

Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?

How was I treated, wherever I was?

Who cared for me?

Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?

Or was I given something to keep me quiet?

And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?

Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?

Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?

Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?


Posted by on September 12, 2022 in Adoption, Ethics


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AP’s need to be educated before they adopt.

Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…

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Posted by on September 4, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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