I started this post looking for a quote on identity. A quote that would describe something so fundamental as needing to know your family of origin, the why’s, the who am I, the missing part of who we are. Let me know if the quote below resonates with you. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: adoption impact
We are the adopted children of our parents, we (nor them) have any say in that, it’s the legal definition.
We now have a new qualifier being attached to adoptees – we are a first mom’s birth child.
Can we please stop adding qualifiers to adoptees, last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with just being called their child. Why add a qualifier, we didn’t disqualify you, we had no say or choice in the matter. And really, it stings that you can’t even claim your child is your child. And if it is the professionals in adoption telling you to call your child that, here’s a thought, they’re wrong. Tell them that, and that perhaps, they should talk to adoptees about what we want to be called.
Ugh, just ugh.
Adoptees, do feel free to weigh in on what you think of being called your mother’s birth child.
Thought for the day:
I can’t tell you how many adoptees start off processing the hard parts of being adopted, once they start talking with and getting to know other adoptees. Then they start talking about feelings, feelings they’ve never been comfortable sharing with others. Then once they hear others that were triggered the same way, in the same circumstances, the pennies start dropping that their reaction to (perceived rejection, insecurities relationship wise, not feeling good enough, anxiety, aloneness, different) centered around being adopted and is all part of the adoptee experience. Read the rest of this entry »
Last July, there was a guy on twitter that sparked this post. And no, not even a few months later am I a fan of naming folks, would rather just talk about the attitude. He blocked me 🙂 and checking later, he’d deleted at least one of his tweets, I also double checked to make sure I’ve portrayed it accurately. This guy, Billy, was upset that adoptees in New York want the same right others born in New York have; access to, and the right to receive a copy of their original birth certificate (OBC), he also seems upset that any adoptee anywhere could have that right. Read the rest of this entry »
More and more adoptive parents are openly admitting that they haven’t told their child they are adopted and intend to wait to tell till the child is old enough to understand. I know I’ve brought this up many times over the years, but this comment left under an article written by an adoptee about the hard truths in adoption (loss, abandonment, grief) sparked this post. Read the rest of this entry »
The title sounds incredibly morbid doesn’t it? It wasn’t, but it was also a conversation mom needed to have, it was also a conversation I didn’t expect to be having on this blog. But here we are. There were several in-depth, sometimes contentious conversations in the on-line adoption community about bonding and attachment this past week. People got upset, angry, hurt, worried. I both get it, and don’t get it, I can understand the fear because of adoption, I can’t understand assuming one voice means all voices. This post talks about how both conversations intersect. Read the rest of this entry »
I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them. I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named. Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time. Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following. Read the rest of this entry »
Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others. How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system. I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently. Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold. What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m trying to explain the shifting feelings that happen over the course of a lifetime about being adopted. Would you share how your feelings shifted and became more complex with time (if they did)? I think it’s important for parents to understand how feelings and your emotions can change over time re your adoption, how maturity, understanding of the larger society impacts those feelings good or bad. I just want them to realize that feelings about being adopted, the impact it has on you is not something static, more that it is fluid and ever-changing. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve struggled lately to put one cohesive theme into a post, anything more than a paragraph just isn’t working, I get off-track like I’ve done in this post, because, somehow, they are all inter-connected. And, I’ve come to the conclusion that even in my writing, I’m struggling with that old familiar feeling that waits in the shadow to pounce in a moment of weakness, or when you let your guard down for a minute, fear. Read the rest of this entry »
Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents. Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions. Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »