I’m thankful that more people involved in adoption have started recognising that there is loss with adoption and being adopted, how or when it affects the one adopted is individual, but loss there is. Yet, I’m also wary when I hear people acknowledge that, people who aren’t adopted but adopting can’t really understand what that loss truly is if they have only seen it, but haven’t lived it. It makes me worry that their acknowledgement will just become a trite expected thing to say, rather than any deep understanding what it is. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: adoption impact
Happy New Year my friends! Hoping you all had holidays that left you feeling happy and refreshed for the New Year filled with goals and dreams galore. I’m still shocked we are 20 years into the new century, seems like just the other day we went to bed wondering what would happen at midnight re computers and Y2K. Damn, somehow that makes me feel even older and more reflective than normal, if that’s possible, and reflective in a way that goes off in strange tangents. (you’ve been warned) Read the rest of this entry »
Not sure if it’s the holiday season causing memories to randomly appear in my mind, or the unrest inside me still reverberating from the viral adoption video/story, or because this season is always so very hard for me now. Whatever it is, it sparked the post below and I don’t know whether I’ve ever talked about this here before.. Read the rest of this entry »
Today, I want to talk about the latest adoption viral story to hit the internet and TV shows. It did the rounds on facebook pages and hit the adoption groups on Facebook, instantly. Pretty much, most of the adoptive parents were all aflutter loving it, the adoptees, not so much, with some loving it, some thought it wasn’t bad, some didn’t like it at all. And of course, there were those adoptive parents who knew an adoptee (or three) who all loved it, but, I don’t think any adoptee weighing in thought the destruction of that little boy’s privacy was right, or good. And it’s not good because you don’t know the future on any of his feelings; but the feel good need so many had, removed any consideration of protecting his story and that it should be sacred for just his family and close friends. Read the rest of this entry »
I was having a conversation about reunion and how it can create havoc in your soul. The conversation evolved and moved into more specifics, specifically, the areas of loss an adoptee may feel. That digging deep triggered this post. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve never been someone who is comfortable sharing my deepest feelings about adoption; being adopted, or of any of the more personal experiences and feelings I’ve gone through over the years. I also know that deep reserve didn’t help me be open with mom and dad about my feelings growing up; that it was also complicated by the sibling troubles and not wanting to cause them more worries. That resulted in who I am now, someone with deep unspoken stories and feelings about everything that has happened to me throughout my life. Read the rest of this entry »
My friend Beth left this quote in a comment under my other AAM post with a quote. I loved it. Still love it. It has nothing, and yet, it has everything to do with how adoption discourse happens today between members in the adoption ‘triad’.
Get out of your predominant adoptive parent only groups. Gingerly step into many different spaces with non-adoptive parent voices, sit on your hands instead of talking. Instead, just listen for a while, really listen when you’re the most uncomfortable, after a while you’ll start to hear what the underlying message is saying, some easier to hear than others. And when you go into spaces that make you uncomfortable, stop yourself each time you want to contradict in your mind (or in words) what you are hearing with protestations about how beautiful adoption is. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve been pretty hard on the choices some adoptive parent have made lately and will be hard on them in the future. I’ve also held other adoptive parents up as doing it right and will do so in the future. What I won’t do is stay silent when I see something I feel is wrong that has the potential to harm adoptees; whether it’s a law, policy, a stupid meme or adoptive parents acting badly. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m not the first adoptee to speak up against adoptive parents oversharing their child’s adoption story, nor will I be the last. We routinely speak up on this issue and have for years. This is a Do Better subject dear to many of us. This is also a Respect Your Child subject we think you should care about. We have lived a lifetime of being adopted and know all too well the consequences for the one adopted, and by extension, all adoptees when adoptive parents overshare their child’s private stories. (do feel free to assume a #not-all-adoptees-feel-that-way.)
This post is courtesy of the latest rendition of oversharing an adoptee’s story on-line, the most recent adoptee video that’s gone viral. Read the rest of this entry »
On a post on WSBS FB page talking about the TLC show Taken At Birth series is this comment:
Yes just finished. Was such a crazy story! Goes to show how much education and knowledge around adoption has improved in the last 70 years but still a horrific story.
I’ve decided to add a new tag: Adoptive Parents say the darndest things. Read the rest of this entry »