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Tag Archives: adoption impact

Insecurity and adoption

First Mother Forum posted about the latest adoption letter to the Ethicist at the New York Times here.  I read both the letter from the adoptive mom and the response to her letter by the Ethicist, but what I really want to talk about is this… Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on May 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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How much does ‘fit’ have to do with the adoptee experience

I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted.  I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee.  I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday.  I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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For Prospective/Hopeful Adoptive Parents

You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt.  This has been a standard for a long time

You may have also been told to reach out to expectant mothers, especially those who have joined an adoption group on FB or an adoption forum seeing support.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 23, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Microaggressions and Adoptees

The first time I heard about microagressions in adoption was from ABM on Adoptive Black Mom, this post specifically.  Yesterday, I was skimming through an annual report by Rudd that talked about a study on microaggressions and adoptees.   Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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I don’t think it’s either/or

Two posts I’ve read recently that may be good to discuss, mull on, agree or disagree.  And a third post I go back to time after time, it seems to give good advice for many situations in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2018 in Adoption

 

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From 2012 – Letter to my mother

Dear Mother,

Writing Dear Mother seems so formal, yet I never met you so I can’t call you mom, or even know if you would have wanted to me to call you mom. Let alone if I would have been comfortable with that either. How strange all of this is and to think that at my age I am writing you a letter for the very first time. All in all, this seems to be a harder letter to write than I thought it would be, and seems without purpose, or reason, but yet I think it is still something that I need to do. Perhaps it is just part of the journey, this need to talk to you, and write down my thoughts, so here goes… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2018 in Adoption

 

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Why is this so hard for some adoptive parents to get?

The question I keep asking myself is how to get some adoptive parents to step outside of their bubble of ‘how beautiful adoption is’ long enough to see the full picture of what adoption can be like for the one adopted over the course of their life.  From the parent who said that their 2.5 year old won’t have a “primal wound” because they are just so filled with joy, to the parent of a tween who hears only what they want to hear from their child, never stopping to ask themselves if they pre-conditioned their child to only tell them what they want to hear, or that what they say can be part of how they feel, not all of what they feel. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Twitter thread

Sigh…

Before you dive in, read the definition of legal fiction that happens in adoption which is pertinent to the thread. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2018 in Adoption

 

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Responses to the NYTimes Ethicist

I left a comment on THE ETHICIST post  What if I Don’t Want to See the Child I Gave Up for Adoption? I seldom respond in comment sections as I don’t have the luxury of time to walk away, return, re-read and see obvious errors (not that I ever see them all) – but I strongly disagreed with the response given and left the following comment in response. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 27, 2018 in Adoption

 

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It’s Time For Change!

By Shadow

I can, so, relate to this Twitter post and thread, make sure you read the comments.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2018 in Adoption

 

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What made you the expert on which adoptees can be heard?

If you know me well, the title tells you this is a post where I’m going to vent a little, blow off steam that’s been percolating for nigh onto a week.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Life can be complicated and overwhelming at times

Daily contradictions in a life filled with complicated realities.  Painful memories have been triggered by the news that push to intrude into my mind instead of staying firmly in the past.  Simple welcome memories that pop into my head that bring me joy in the middle of a mundane task in one moment, to  fear of what lies ahead, to sheer awe at what someone did, sometimes even for me.  Days when I’m caught unaware by a rush of nostalgia that washes over me sparked by a simple object or picture that caught my eye, quickly dampened by the collision of other memories and knowledge of that time intruding to remind me that life really wasn’t that simple, or good. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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