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Tag Archives: adoption impact

We need to change how adoption is viewed.

I struggle to contain my anger when an adopted child’s entire world is taken away from them, I can’t explain in any cohesive way how devastating just the thought of it happening is, nor can I contain my outrage for the industry that placed them in that home.

On Harlow’s Monkey is this article that she was asked to contribute too, about the current story that is reverberating through the adoption community.

Adoption is complicated—and the Myka Stauffer controversy proves it

Personally, I want the National Council for Adoption to weigh in, to task themselves with the challenge of changing the harmful narratives of adoption is beautiful, adoption is love, all those sappy sentiments the adoption community and public recite by rote; and return to the basic premise that finding the right home for a child who needs one is the most important aspect in adoption.

I’m still to upset to even begin to expound on the story, how it highlights the problems with how adoption is viewed both inside the adoption community and in the public’s eye.

If you comment, you can be angry, but please remember to remain civil.

A post from a while ago that links to many posts on the problem of oversharing which this story shows the view when it is taken to the extreme.

“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.”
Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From 2016: Adoptee loyalty…

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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PAL Suggestion

I have a suggestion for an addition to Positive Adoptive Language (PAL). Yes, me, the one who dislikes most of the required language, but maybe this request will spur an update and be inclusive of all parties to adoption (excluding adoption service providers), who knows, but it needs a good overhaul and what better time to start the conversation than now. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Processing being Adopted

This is my interpretation of what an adoptee can experience delving into being adopted. As per normal, include #notall as you need too. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 13, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Influx

Talk is going round the online adoption world about an expected influx of expectant mothers to adoption. I’m not in the know so I can’t say if that is correct, yet it wouldn’t be surprising if it was true, with all the lost jobs, the panic over not being able to pay your rent or groceries for starters, let alone no idea how long this will last, how long before normal returns. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From 2014: Every single day…

My mother was asked by someone fairly close to her, if she still thought about me after all this time.  The title was the immediate answer.  Stop and think about what that means to a mother.  To me, it means that not only did she think about me, she would have wondered if I was okay, healthy, happy, sad, even if I was alive. I can only begin to imagine the level of pain she lived with, because without knowledge, I doubt that she would think only good thoughts, not have any worries about the life I was living, rather, they would include if I was living, what my new family was like, was I loved, was I okay. I compare her words with the length of time I thought of my son every single day – before I had days, and then, weeks go by without thinking about my son after he passed. That transition happened long before the first decade had passed and having lived through that, I can’t imagine the pain that stretched decades, day in, day out, no relief, no forgetting. It’s incomprehensible, and makes tears roll down my face just thinking about it. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Shifting feelings over time about being adopted

Thought I’d take this time to thank all those who take the time to leave a comment, spark a conversation, drop a memory or a story. All of you make this little blog what it is, a community of friends, who most likely will never meet in person, but understand the other on a fairly deep level. Thank you, I appreciate all of you, whether you leave a comment or just pop in and read a post now and then, you make my life better. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Loss in adoption

I’m thankful that more people involved in adoption have started recognising that there is loss with adoption and being adopted, how or when it affects the one adopted is individual, but loss there is. Yet, I’m also wary when I hear people acknowledge that, people who aren’t adopted but adopting can’t really understand what that loss truly is if they have only seen it, but haven’t lived it. It makes me worry that their acknowledgement will just become a trite expected thing to say, rather than any deep understanding what it is. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2020 in Adoption

 

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The New Year and Rambling Thoughts

Happy New Year my friends! Hoping you all had holidays that left you feeling happy and refreshed for the New Year filled with goals and dreams galore. I’m still shocked we are 20 years into the new century, seems like just the other day we went to bed wondering what would happen at midnight re computers and Y2K. Damn, somehow that makes me feel even older and more reflective than normal, if that’s possible, and reflective in a way that goes off in strange tangents. (you’ve been warned) Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 2, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Hidden feelings

Not sure if it’s the holiday season causing memories to randomly appear in my mind, or the unrest inside me still reverberating from the viral adoption video/story, or because this season is always so very hard for me now. Whatever it is, it sparked the post below and I don’t know whether I’ve ever talked about this here before.. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2019 in Adoption

 

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Adoption Stories…

Today, I want to talk about the latest adoption viral story to hit the internet and TV shows. It did the rounds on facebook pages and hit the adoption groups on Facebook, instantly. Pretty much, most of the adoptive parents were all aflutter loving it, the adoptees, not so much, with some loving it, some thought it wasn’t bad, some didn’t like it at all. And of course, there were those adoptive parents who knew an adoptee (or three) who all loved it, but, I don’t think any adoptee weighing in thought the destruction of that little boy’s privacy was right, or good. And it’s not good because you don’t know the future on any of his feelings; but the feel good need so many had, removed any consideration of protecting his story and that it should be sacred for just his family and close friends. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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What I lost

I was having a conversation about reunion and how it can create havoc in your soul. The conversation evolved and moved into more specifics, specifically, the areas of loss an adoptee may feel. That digging deep triggered this post. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2019 in Adoption

 

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