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Had enough of this, we aren’t in high school anymore…

By TAO

Imagine what it would be like if those challenged by infertility, or pregnancy losses were split into two groups.  One group grappled with the very deep feelings of pain, inadequacy, losses that were directly caused from not being able to have children.  The other group would include people like me who when I was ready and wanted to have another child, couldn’t have one because I waited too long, I adjusted quickly and continued on.  That doesn’t give me the right to dismiss how others feel who can’t have children, I’m not them, they aren’t me.  It doesn’t give me the right to blame how they feel on their genetics, how they were raised, how positive or negative they are naturally.  I don’t get to mock them to make myself feel like I’m better, or stronger, more well-rounded.

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Posted by on March 5, 2015 in Adoption

 

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Time to relearn, what history already taught us…

By TAO

I’d like to talk about the feelings evoked when the topic Baby Boxes are brought up, a hot topic right now in the adoption community due to the movie “The Drop Box” which is being called a stunning pro-life documentary.  The problem with talking about my feelings is hard because the reaction I have to any mention of them, or the way Safe Havens are set up, causes my stomach to churn and my words to slip away.  The feelings start with the assumptions made about what the new mothers want, but without any research about what they actually want, the assumptions of wanting confidentiality, not wanting their child, and so many others are without merit, without the voices of the mothers.

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Posted by on March 2, 2015 in Adoption

 

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Realization…

I wasn’t going to talk about this but while editing another post for the umpteenth time and it’s still not right, it struck me that I am in one of those times where both regular and adopted grief and loss is happening, to me, now.  There’s a reason why I’ve been less personal lately…and I never expected it…

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Posted by on February 26, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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How many times…

By TAO

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve said ‘I’m fine’ as an answer of how I am in regards to many different life situations.  Pretty sure all of us have said it, repeatedly.  I’ve said it about being adopted my entire life when asked, it’s the expected answer, the one they want to hear.  It’s also self-preservation for me as I know they can’t possibly understand why it’s a extremely complicated question, and feelings are ever-changing.  It’s also quite likely I’ve actually been just fine with being adopted when they’ve asked me, and times when I’m a roiling mess of emotions about being adopted.

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Posted by on February 21, 2015 in Adoption

 

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Links to posts on late discovery…

By TAO

Not that I can ever imagine what a Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA) goes through, I’m sure it would break my heart and take a long time to come to any level of peace.  I’m also sure there are many future LDA’s that will find out when their parents pass away and they deal with the estate paperwork, or decide one day to innocently take a DNA test that has become such a popular tool.  Why did any parent think it was proper to lie to their child, especially, when others around them know the truth.  Today there are parents of adopted children who don’t want to, or intend to tell, still.  To me it’s selfishness of the worst kind, setting your child up for a heart-breaking discovery down the road, all to make you feel ‘real’ and keep your secrets.  I have a hard time understanding anyone who willingly chooses not to tell – how can you parent your child with such a huge lie between you? Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Ancestors I can and can’t claim for different reasons

By TAO

I’ve researched my paternal family tree since the 1940 census was released a couple of years ago that allowed me to know who my grandparents were.  While I’ve hit brick walls on part of the tree, other parts have become amazingly clear and well documented.  There’s a pretty big reason for how well documented it is, and yet, I want even more info than I’ve found, at the same time, I realize what a gift just having the knowledge to get this far and that makes me feel guilty, knowing others will never have theirs.  Everyday I see postings by people born in the 1940’s whose parents would have been born in the first quarter of the last century, what hope do they have of even being able to do a family tree? Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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