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Loved this article by an adoptee

“Here we go again.

Those four words pop into my mind every November, like an annual calendar reminder set to go off with a cartoon “boing.”

November is National Adoption Month, and as an adopted person you might think we’re all a bundle of anticipatory excitement, planning the kegger and booking the cover band.”

Mardi Link: Happy National Adoption Month

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2022 in Adoption

 

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The Loss Becomes Deeper

I have spent countless hours doing my folks family trees, and my family trees, as well – the difference between the trees of my adoptive family is I can recount so many family stories I was part of, and all the stories told I wasn’t part of, and yet can tell them, because they were told, retold and talked about over the years.

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Posted by on November 20, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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This is wrong any way you look at it.

Yesterday, I ventured onto a FB Adoption Group, one that seems both moderate and helpful to people asking questions. And no, I’m not linking to it, cuz you know I’m not into shaming and naming, nor was it the fault of the group, the fault rests solely on the individuals (yes, there was more than one) that chose to say what they said.

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Posted by on November 14, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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I’m still here

Having a hard time making any of my thoughts translate to a post, so here’s yet another try.

Just heard a middle-aged adoptee who was asked to introduce himself, who, after stating his name included “I’m adopted and I hit the Jackpot.” He was speaking in a situation where being adopted (or not) had no bearing on anything, they just wanted his name for the record.

It was bizarre to say the least.

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Posted by on November 3, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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In Adoption, Loss Never Truly Ends.

This morning I woke up to a tweet by @adopteerights.com

A tweet that chilled my soul.

A tweet that foretold the desire by some to make many more babies available for adoption.

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Posted by on October 8, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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Adoptee Loyalty from 2016

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me. 

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Posted by on September 16, 2022 in Adoption

 

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Missing Pieces

I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.

Where was I before I was adopted?

Did I stay in hospital the whole time?

Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?

How was I treated, wherever I was?

Who cared for me?

Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?

Or was I given something to keep me quiet?

And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?

Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?

Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?

Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2022 in Adoption, Ethics

 

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AP’s need to be educated before they adopt.

Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…

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Posted by on September 4, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From 2019 and 2021: I know an adoptee who is just fine being adopted….

Two posts, two years apart, similar and different, or both/and, both with the same title.

2019 post here

2021 post here

It’s odd I titled both posts the same, I don’t think I realized it until I decided to do this post, it’s also not odd because my brain glitches more than I like.

Cheers

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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What has your summer been like?

It’s been a weird summer here on the West Coast after a very wet and chilly spring, summer started out just okay, and now, with a blink of the eye, it’s almost fall and we are finally getting hot weather.

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Posted by on August 27, 2022 in Adoption, Uncategorized

 

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What is the objective of open adoption?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what I read about ‘open adoption’ in online adoption groups that focus on domestic infant adoption.

  • Some include a set number of phone calls or face time per year, with or without actual contact.
  • Some have one visit a year for a set number of hours in a local park, or other local setting.
  • Some have no contact at all, not even what would be considered semi-open, but they do know the Mother’s name.
  • Some only send updates to the Mother once, maybe twice a year, it’s also often a one-way street.
  • Some have wide open adoptions where there are no set number of visits, nor number of updates, they just become part of a bigger family.
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Posted by on August 16, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Had enough of this, we aren’t in high school anymore…

From 2015 – lightly edited and additional note at the end.

Imagine what it would be like if those challenged by infertility, or pregnancy losses were split into two groups. One group grappled with the very deep feelings of pain, inadequacy, losses that were directly caused from not being able to have children. The other group would include people like me who when I was ready and wanted to have another child, couldn’t have one because I waited too long, adjusted quickly and continued on. That doesn’t give me the right to dismiss how others feel who can’t have children, I’m not them, they aren’t me. It doesn’t give me the right to blame how they feel on their genetics, how they were raised, how positive or negative they are naturally. I don’t get to mock them to make myself feel like I’m better, or stronger, or more well-rounded.

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Posted by on August 14, 2022 in Adoption

 

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