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Further reflections

Since my last post I’ve spent time reading other voices from all sides of the aisle on what happened in Charlottesville, as well as the larger picture of race relations.  I’ve tried hard to hear the underlying and competing views, but like must of us, our lived experiences feed into how we see anything, what side we find ourselves firmly planted on.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Finding the words is hard

Friday night I went to turn off the computer, but first I checked twitter.  Horrified isn’t too strong a word for what I felt seeing the tweets and the glaring images of what was happening in Charlottesville filling my screen.  I don’t know how long I sat in silence reading, watching, before I finally turned it off and went to bed with deep fear in my heart for what Saturday would bring. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2017 in Adoption

 

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Dear Expectant Moms considering adoption (aka Birthmothers)

I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them.  I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named.  Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time.  Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 8, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Requesting adoptees help

I’m trying to explain the shifting feelings that happen over the course of a lifetime about being adopted.  Would you share how your feelings shifted and became more complex with time (if they did)?  I think it’s important for parents to understand how feelings and your emotions can change over time re your adoption, how maturity, understanding of the larger society impacts those feelings good or bad.  I just want them to realize that feelings about being adopted, the impact it has on you is not something static, more that it is fluid and ever-changing. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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I don’t have an answer, I don’t think there is one.

I’ve struggled lately to put one cohesive theme into a post, anything more than a paragraph just isn’t working, I get off-track like I’ve done in this post, because, somehow, they are all inter-connected.  And, I’ve come to the conclusion that even in my writing, I’m struggling with that old familiar feeling that waits in the shadow to pounce in a moment of weakness, or when you let your guard down for a minute, fear.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2017 in Adoption

 

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Judging crediblity and worth in adoption circles

Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents.  Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions.  Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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Archives 2015 – Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there.  I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt.  I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good.  Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her.  Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Worth the time…

Talking Adoption, Identity and Independence with Darryl McDaniels, DMC of RUN DMC by April Dinwoodie

Covers so much…let it sink in…

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2017 in Adoption

 

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That whole Meant To Be thing…

From my understanding this may be part of someone’s faith and I’m not trying to disrespect that, but delve respectfully into how problematic that can be in adoption.  Nor am I trying to disrespect parents who feel that way down the road that their family was what their family was supposed to be, that seems different somehow. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 25, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Who knew she was adopted.

I often search for quotes on a topic, find one that resonates and then read about the person who said it.  It’s an interesting and enlightening way to learn about people.  This morning, I started with Origins, then Wisdom, then decided I’d try to find an Adoption quote that didn’t try to make adoption better than biological families, wasn’t wrapped up in destiny, wasn’t magical, pre-ordained, or mystical, just something you’d expect from a normal conversation from someone in adoption.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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Conversation in a grocery store parking lot…

I just got home from my weekly grocery shop.  When I left the grocery store I was a wee bit grumpy, the cashier wasn’t happy and ensured we all felt it.  Grumpy is contagious, so I was in a mood putting my groceries into the car and then going to put the cart back.

And then, everything changed… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 17, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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