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About

We are adoptees from the Baby Scoop Era.  We each have our own story and views on adoption, at this time only one of us is still talking.  We started this blog to have a space to just be. We were impacted in different ways by the lack of current updated family health history because of being adopted.  While having the family health history may not have changed the course of our diseases – the knowledge in my case may have made a difference.

Just a little rant…

Adoption advocates should be advocating to ensure a process of continued access to family health history for the adoptee, that any raised child in their family would know.  Family health history is fluid and ongoing.  Both families (not just the mother) should be educated about the need to sit down with the elders in their family and create a comprehensive family health history, and a process set up at the time of the adoption to keep it updated as new information evolves.  That should be a common sense tenant in the phrase “In the child’s best interest”.  The current argument is that with most adoptions being open that is no longer an issue. Stop and ask yourself if the open adoptions you know of (or are party to) include the father and his family. What about the semi-open adoptions that are mediated by the agency, or the ones with updates going only one direction. How many of those adoptions can you say have any chance of family health history being updated as it happens. We are in the era of personalized medicine that is being denied to adoptees solely because we are adoptees, an entire class of individuals excluded, like we are excluded from accessing our original birth certificates in many states.  Adoption advocates are not looking after our best interests before(or after) we are adopted.

When you face a medical emergency it is too late to go to the court where the adoption was finalized.  And once you get to the court (which can include travel) you must then submit a petition which then moves slowly through the process before it gets to the judge.  If the judge determines the petition indeed is “good cause” and grants the petition, then you simply have access during business hours to the adoption file in some states. In other states you don’t get access, they only tell you what is in the file in regards to medical information that is as old as the adoptee.  If you are lucky that your state unseals the file to you, you must then search for the family taking into account the very real possibility that the mother may have married and changed her name, and/or moved out-of-state, or already passed.  All of this takes time, effort and money you do not have when you have a medical emergency.  When you finally find the family (if you are lucky), you must then approach and make contact – all before you can ask for the family health history and sometimes is not given. 

That process does not work in the case of true medical emergency which is the only time the judge will deem it “good cause” to unseal the adoption records.  Something has to be done to ensure “best interests” are looked after at the time of adoption.

 

48 responses to “About

  1. Lorraine Dusky

    July 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Hey, you, thanks for your cogent response and defense of the absolute basic need to know over at the current battle going on about this issue at firstmotherforum.
    loraine

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  2. kostvollmers

    July 29, 2011 at 1:31 am

    Thanks for the “like” on Land of Gazillion Adoptees! You’re doing some interesting work here.

    Like

     
  3. Resilient Heart

    March 2, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Superb post! I spent most of my life wondering (and worrying) about my biological family’s health history. I conducted a birth family search in my early 30’s and finally had insight and some answers.

    Before, when doctors asked me about my family history, I said I didn’t know because I was adopted. For some reason that answer was/is o.k. Equally as odd, more doctors have asked recently for my family health history and I ask which one, biological or adoptive, they say adoptive. So strange to look at only a piece of the bigger picture.

    It’s enlightening to read of other adoptee’s experiences and know mine was not an isolated incident.

    Best to you!

    Blessings, Love & Peace,
    RH

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    • The adopted ones

      March 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

      Thank you – it is amazing how many adoptees are blogging now days. Pet peeve is family health history and that doctor who wanted your adoptive family history – run…needs to go back to medical school.

      Check out the link to blogs and you will see many more adoptees and others.

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    • ML (Mary Lou) Gomes

      June 26, 2013 at 2:23 pm

      I have had many strange responses from doctors but never has anyone asked for my adoptive medical history! I have been ridiculed for not having my biological medical history.
      This journey is a never ending surprise.

      I have been searching for sites to follow and participate in, happy I found this one. ML

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  4. Resilient Heart

    March 2, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    Thank you kindly, I will check out the other links. Best to you. 🙂

    Blessings, Love & Peace,
    RH

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  5. veggiemom

    July 21, 2012 at 2:43 am

    If you see crazy searching on your blog stats tonight, it’s me. I think it was here that I read a post about it being okay for APs to search for their child’s family to preserve that info for the child…as in not needing to wait for the child to be old enough to make the decision to search for themselves. I’ve looked all over but can’t find the post. Did I read it here (I was thinking it was within the last 6 months or so) or have I lost my mind?

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  6. veggiemom

    July 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Thanks! That was it. Hoping it helps convince some APs for the error of their ways.

    Like

     
  7. Mei-Ling

    July 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Hey, TAO, do you have an e-mail I could reach you by?

    I wanted to send you a link regarding the racism/sexism comment I just typed out, but I don’t want to show the link directly here – would prefer to send it privately.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      July 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

      I just sent you an email…

      Like

       
      • TAO

        July 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

        Your email address bounced back as undeliverable – “mailbox undeliverable”

        Like

         
        • Mei-Ling

          July 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

          Go to my old blog and click on the About section. It’s listed there.

          Like

           
  8. Kumar

    October 22, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Guess what? I nominated your blog for an award! Check it out. http://stuckout.wordpress.com/2012/10/22/one-lovely-blog-award/

    Like

     
  9. Lorraine reynolds

    November 12, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    I am so frustrated and angry regarding this adoption triad that’s suppose to be in the child’s best it’s unfortunate as adoptees we grow up. I sick of my natural and normal curiosity regarding my natural parents . As adoptees we are treated unfairly and like second class freaks . They treated our natural mothers like scum of the earth and it continues with there offspring. Until you are a adoptee don’t you dare try to judge me and deny me what I’m entitled to my birthright is to know where I come from my ethnicity, medical history etc. This whole process sealed records etc. is bul__hit. This is my life I’ve enlisted countless hours seraching gIving money away that I don’t have and always end up at square one. All you people out there who are so adamant to continue to promote the evil secrets that surround adoption just know karma is a bi_ _ch . I feel sorry for your non-compassionate cold spirits. I challenge any of you to look into my ten year old grandsons face who has duchennes muscular dystrophy and tell him why his grandmamma can have her medical history . You should see him going up stairs looking like a little old tired weak man. This disease is genetic and fatal you want to keep my family a secret but I get to be the carrier of this families defective gene pool you see females are carriers and pass the disease to the male child, to bad I couldn’t keep this gene hidden from my grandson . All of you haters get the f_ck out of my business and get a life. When you see your children- grand children running playin sports think of my grandson who’s condition will progressively get worse ending up in a wheelchair and dying by the time he’s twenty. Tell my granddaughter she hit the lotto she also gets to carry this gene and possibly pass it to her children. All of you people against adoptees and unsealing are records you should be ashamed of your selfish selves get out of my business!!!!

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    • TAO

      November 12, 2012 at 10:46 pm

      I’m so sorry you and your children and grandchildren are having to face this. Sealing records has grave consequences not only for the adoptee but the generations after the fact.

      Like

       
  10. desireejacob

    December 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    SHADOW:I feel that I truly connected with you after reading blog after blog. You were able to put words to emotions that I don’t think I ever could. You seem to be just as passionate as me about lots of the issues surrounding adoption but also have the gift of being able to express and make us understand by just pointing out the facts.

    desiree

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  11. edeemulgogi

    January 2, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I liked your “rant” here. I’m an international adoptee and I worry all the time about my medical history. I struggled with whether it was ethical for me to get pregnant since I didn’t know what I may be passing on to my children. My husband and I decided to go for it and fortunately, our daughter was born healthy, but I’m still scared that something will develop along the way. You’re so right — all adoptees should have the right to access their records!

    Like

     
  12. Jeff Nguyen

    January 6, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    Great blog, this is a guest post I wrote about some of my experiences as a Babylift adoptee for those who are interested. http://ohiasia.com/2013/01/06/anlac/

    Like

     
  13. PenniCash

    January 14, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    Thank you for the follow over at Questing Humanity. I am so grateful to find yours as well. I look forward to perusing your archives as I start my search for my past as an international adoptee (with tons of health problems!)

    Like

     
    • TAO

      January 14, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      Welcome,

      There are also links to many other adoptees speaking as well – on the blogs page.

      Like

       
  14. LK

    February 11, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    Thank you for leaving a link back to your webpage, I will be following. I had stumbled upon the term Baby Scoop Era one night on a guess and was marveled. What is strange is how everyone I know has never heard of it either, including my psychologist.

    Like

     
  15. zoozig

    March 26, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Hi, Lorraine here, will you email me at forumfirstmother@gmail.com?

    Like

     
  16. lightofdaystories

    April 9, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Thanks very much for reading and “liking” my posts. I really appreciate your doing so, and hope we can have some ongoing conversations. I look forward to learning from you.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      April 9, 2013 at 8:29 pm

      Lightofday – always open to talk to people who see reality. Caution that I am a grumpy old person so some snarkiness will also be on this blog.

      Like

       
      • lightofdaystories

        April 9, 2013 at 8:32 pm

        I can do snarky. Thanks for the heads up.

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        • TAO

          April 9, 2013 at 8:34 pm

          No worries – the snark is only for people or stupidity in adoption who can’t see reality. I just want adoption to be ethical, transparent and only when needed. 🙂 I added you to my list of blogs this morning under adoption related.

          Like

           
  17. mridula

    July 15, 2013 at 1:18 am

    I have enjoyed your blog. Do you have an email address I could use to contact you?

    Like

     
    • TAO

      July 15, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      I don’t give out my email address – I have left the moderation on for your comments so they are only visible to me – so you can talk to me that way. Just write “do not approve” at the start of your message.

      Like

       
      • Shannon

        July 19, 2013 at 1:02 am

        Hello, I’ve been following your blogs and I’d like to talk to you about featuring you as a blogger on my website. How can I best reach you?
        Thanks
        Shannon

        Like

         
        • TAO

          July 19, 2013 at 3:23 pm

          Sorry for the delay Shannon – was not available yesterday and am running out the door to an appointment shortly…

          Like

           
    • TAO

      July 19, 2013 at 3:26 pm

      mridula – I am not the right person to do that – but have some ideas to help you accomplish what you want. Will do a post on it…check back in a couple of days.

      Like

       
  18. Cheryl

    July 28, 2014 at 12:15 am

    Is there anyone from canada on here/Vancouver? or saskatchewan,,,I have alot to say about being Adopted.

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  19. Elaine Harper

    August 11, 2014 at 6:34 am

    I was lead to this website because I have things to get off my chest. I am relieved that there is such a page where I can vent and be somewhat understood. By no means will my story be sad or filled with ugliness because I was adopted to a family where I was able to thrive and strive for anything I desired, and I thank God for placing me in such a place where sky was/is the limit. Like most families there were issues that sometimes flared up with or without consequences, but as I have observed watching other “normal” families, we were just as normal as them with the exception of me being adopted into it. Even though I had and have great opportunities that I have taken advantage of and will take advantage of, but when I look at the basis of my core, I still feel I am missing something. Having a connection to others by blood, well unless you are an adoptee, you can never fathom the longing that is consistently there. Medical history, facial and other body features, and just the genetic factors that consistently plague an adoptee’s thoughts when he or she thinks of where they come from is like a life sentence and its only parole is to search and find the biological ties that bind us to somebody. Well I come from a small town and to make a long story quite short, I feel I did find my biological family, at least my brother. We were friends on FB and there was all my life I was told by ONE person, whom really had no creditability, that I was related to a family. I ignored her predictions all my life, matter fact, dismissed them, until one night out of desperation, I remembered what she said and I scoured his page for any pics of his mother and father. Lo and behold, there was one single picture of he and his mother and upon looking upon his mother I wanted to faint. She looked the older image of me! I showed a couple of close friends and they agreed. It took another 3 years to finally confront him about my findings. I inboxed him and asked him to call me and when we talked I explained all that my parents shared with me regarding my adoption. He is only one year older than me but he confirmed and filled in the blanks with what he was told about his mother’s infidelity to his father. He stated his father, who died several years before, on his death bed was still bitter and angry and spilled the bones out of his estranged wife’s closet prior to his departure from this earth. Apparently I am a product of adultery and a bone of contention for the entire family. My ‘brother’ is the only one that will even speak to me, mother and four other siblings would rather I stayed a mystery, or myth rather than to open up those old wounds. In a way I am worse off! We chat occasionally, but it is small talk and nothing concerning the rest of his family. He gave me the name of my potential biological father, but given the brick wall I already face, I really am NOT motivated to find him, and believe me, it would be easy given the small town. I don’t stay there anymore but all involved still does. I feel close but yet soo far! I really don’t know what to think, what to do, how to feel but the only thing I have reassurance in is that my life was waay better than theirs due to them dealing with their parents dysfunctional fallout from the adulterous relationship that spawned me. I do thank God that I am alive! She could have easily aborted me, either medically or intentionally, given her circumstances at the time. I can’t imagine why she put herself through what she went thru just to have me and give me away. I would have been the fifth or sixth child, still not sure how many siblings (I was guessing when I said 4 earlier), Where do I go from here, I think I will just be content but the truth is damaging and opens the door for more questions. I don’t have all the answers, don’t think I will ever know, and in some ways I am scared to ask anymore questions. Thank you for the opportunity to vent, I don’t even know if this was the forum for this, but I used it for my relief anyway! Knowing has given me a little relief, but at the same time I feel sadness with what I discovered, for all involved. The older siblings look upon this so negatively and the biological mom refused to see or talk to me because of her shame, I assume. But the brother has been very cordial, friendly, and part of me hates to put him in this situation. Never thought it would be like this, knowing, but the saying is be careful of what you ask for. Again thanks

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  20. desireejacob

    August 11, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Just know you are not alone in your feelings.

    Like

     
  21. Michael Allen Potter

    September 28, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    I found your post about the man biking from Vermont to Minnesota to raise awareness about adoptee rights on Facebook and wanted to let you know that I currently have one Kindle, and one NOOK, Edition of “The Last Invisible Continent,” my collection of essays about adoption and identity, available to lend out for review: http://icartographer.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-last-invisible-continent-essays-on.html

    Like

     
    • TAO

      September 28, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      Thanks Michael, I saved your blog link and will have a look around, great to see male adoptee blogs and authors – so many of the voices are female like me. BTW: Vegetarian here as well…funny how some things just stand out…

      Like

       
  22. familyadvocate

    November 23, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Please advise who authored this post, as I wish to quote from it for a HuffingtonPost: https://theadoptedones.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/fundraising-thoughts/#comment-8683

    Thank you. Please see: huffingtonPost.com/mirah-riben

    Like

     
    • TAO

      November 23, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      Familyadvocate, thank you but I do not want to be quoted or linked to.

      Like

       
  23. Jeannie Lachman

    May 12, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    Hi, My name is Jeannie Lachman. I have co authored a book with my birth sister Carole, Two Peas In A Separated Pod: A True Story of Adoption available through Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. We think our book with inspire adoptees thinking about searching for their birth parents and all adoptees in the process of reuniting. Even if you are not in the adoption world this book is a good read.

    Carole and I decided that since we didn’t grow up together and didn’t really know anything about our past lives we would write it down. We liked what we saw and decided to continue writing about meeting each other and events following. This is how our book was born. We felt this book will help adoptees that can relate to all of the feeling of uncertainty and the unknown.

    Here is a brief synopsis of our book:

    Two Peas in a Separated Pod is a true story. Take a journey with two women on the road to discoveries and realizations.
    Jeannie and Carole write about their lives growing up. Each is unaware of the other. Jeannie is raised in the Bronx, New York. She grows up knowing that she is adopted and loved, feels
    connected, yet there is a void. Carole grows up an only child in a small rural community in northern Ontario, Canada. When their worlds collide. The book is written in each woman’s version of events. After years of searching Jeannie discovers who her birth mother is and makes contact. She wonders if she is doing the right thing by disrupting other people’s lives. Carole is shocked to
    learn she has a sister but stands by her mothers side. The two families meet and relationships develop quickly. There is still a lingering question…Who is Jeannie’s birth father? Jeannie tries desperately to get information on her birth father but it seems to be a taboo subject. Even on her deathbed her birth mother is unwilling to reveal who he is. While visiting her mom in the hospital Carole stumbles on a key clue. It seemed that fate
    intervened. With this discovery Carole must choose whether to keep the secret that has stayed hidden for so many years or tell Jeannie who her father is. The decision Carole makes reflects the true bonds of sisterhood.

    We hope that you will give our book a read and we would appreciate it if you would help us in getting our story out there.

    Sincerely,
    Jeannie Lachman

    Like

     
  24. Mary Lou Gomes

    July 10, 2015 at 3:01 am

    I am intrigued by your life story. Looking forward to reading it!

    Like

     
  25. Katie Green

    January 6, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Hello, Thank you for this blog – as a trans-racially adopted person, I’ve been quietly following it for a while. I looked for a way to contact you directly, but didn’t see that as an option, so I apologize for barging in on this page. I am writing to see if I might be able to invite you to participate in my master’s thesis/research project? Is there an email address I could send the information? I’m seeking adult adoptees who are willing to discuss with me whether their adoption experience impacts (or impacted, in the case of current parents) his or her decision to start a family and hope to add to the limited but growing body of research about adult adoptees. If you aren’t willing, might you know someone who is? I am looking to interview 12-15 people for this exploratory, qualitative study. Thank you very much for your consideration. 🙂

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    • TAO

      January 6, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      Thank you for reading. I wouldn’t be the best choice for your study, to old.

      I can point you to who might be, or, at least, they would be able to help you.

      An amazing group of women who are all adopted, some transracial, some same race.

      http://www.thelostdaughters.com/

      One member of Lost Daughters is Karen Pickell – you can find her on twitter.

      https://twitter.com/Karen_Pickell

      If they can’t come back and I will see who else/where else would be good.

      Like

       
  26. choosingmyperspective

    February 25, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    I am a relinquished daughter, a birth mother, an adoptee, and an adoptive parent. At my age, I don’t have a lot of fire left in me about any of those roles, having done a ton of (but of course, never enough) personal work.

    My life’s work has also immersed me in several communities in which my sometimes reluctant continued growth has been unavoidable. In the long run, a blessing, not a complaint. (I am a psychotherapist, in private practice for over 40 years. I am a Professional Childbirth Attendant specializing in high risk births, many of which, especially in those earlier years, involved the cold process of “relinquishment”. But I have also witnessed the evolution toward a more healthy approach. I also participate in reunion follow up, hoping to facilitate true healing for all involved.)

    I’m a brand new blogger and will sometimes want to write about all of that but somewhere in my middle of the night reading of your blog, I realized I may unknowingly be using out of date, discounting language about these issues.

    I would welcome your feedback, should you happen to visit my blog during one of those stories.

    Thanks for what you are doing.

    Kathie

    Liked by 1 person

     
  27. Nova Reeves

    August 12, 2016 at 6:36 am

    Hello- I am new to your blog, and hope you will receive this comment. I’m inexperienced with commenting on blogs. I have just posted two other comments on the page that comes up about gray market adoptions. Your blog comes up when one googles gray market adoptions. I am a birth mother. You write, in your column/comments about medical history, that open adoptions are/must not be sufficiently dealing with health histories. It doesn’t sound like you are well informed, but instead, have made an assumption. That is so understandable, because each adoption looks different, and there is so little research out there, and of course, it is still being conducted differently from state to state, agency to agency, and especially country to country.

    Any adoptee in the U.S. who was adopted domestically from around the mid 80’s to present knows who their birth mother is. Birth fathers are difficult to contact, it is true. However, they are much easier to locate now than they were when you were growing up. (I know several couples who are still together, and have contact with the child they placed for adoption.) I know about 50 and potentially more birth mothers, who are from all over California, and many more who join a closed forum. I am a birth mother who volunteers with a birth mother advocacy group called On Your Feet Foundation Northern California. I have met and interacted with many birth mothers for six years now, and have been educating myself on all aspects of adoption. I agree wholeheartedly with you that adoption specialists need to know the things you discuss. Laws have been against adoptees, and as you detail, still are.

    Open adoptions allow adoptees to pursue their health histories, simply by the fact that they know the identity of their birth mothers. Of course, this doesn’t set everything up perfectly easily, but it has been possible for the last 30 years. I want to stress, in this long comment, that an adoptee’s ability to access their health history is dependent on the relationship between the adoptive parents and the birth mother/parents. It is all too frequent that the adoptive parents promise contact, then cut off contact. These days, birth mothers are dying to have any kind of relationship with their child that is possible. However, that said, some birth mothers run away. This is the messy nature of adoption. If a mother had it all together, she would not have relinquished her child. But I want you to know that I know a great many birth mothers who either have ongoing relationships with their birth children and the adoptive parents, or want them, and are denied them. Therefore, many, many domestic adoptees, and perhaps the majority, have had access to their health history and birth parents for the last 30 years.
    State laws towards adoptees are criminal, and you are doing a service to the public by describing them. I am so, so, so sorry you have had the experience you have had. Thank you for taking my comments in to account.

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    • TAO

      August 12, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      1. No, not all adoptees since the 1980’s know who their mother by birth is. Not even close.
      2. Fathers give us 1/2 of our family health history. Many mothers also refuse to list the father.
      3. Adoptees shouldn’t have to pursue their family health history. And if it is open, shouldn’t the relationship be between the mother by birth and the adoptee? Or do you really just mean semi-open.
      4. Has anyone in your family, the father’s family gotten sick, passed on, in the last six years? Did you update the child’s family health history? And I’m talking at least two full generations of health history, where you know Uncle Bob passed from a heart attack at 53, Auntie Kim got breast cancer at 34, Grandma passed from a stroke at 63, just like her mother passed from a stroke at 69. That kind of family health history, in-depth.

      Like

       
  28. Nova Reeves

    August 12, 2016 at 6:43 am

    Hi, commenting again on your idea that open adoptions insufficiently provide adoptees with ongoing health history information. More simply put than my previous comment, all adoptions that are open, by definition, have some form of contact with the birth mother, and sometimes the birth father. In the case of my adoption and many that I know of, we have visits every few months. The birth father decided to meet his son when he was two. If the birth father, or mother, or the adoptive parents, decide to cut off contact, then unfortunately, the adoptee will not know their health history until they are an adult. Then they have the ability to contact their birth parents directly. All of this has been happening since the 80’s, although I am guessing that adoption has been getting more and more open, so that only very young adoptees have tons of availability to their information. I base this off of discussing adoption with any adoptee I meet. I have met many adult adoptees who are in an open adoption- they tend to be 30 years old and younger. They may or may not have any direct contact, but they do have the option. Again, this is often due to the adoptive parents, not state laws or adoption specialists.

    Like

     

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