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Tag Archives: adoptive family

Bitter? You called adoptee’s bitter?

This thread on FB is well worth your time: Yes I’m Adopted. Don’t Make It Weird.

If you don’t know who they are, they are two adoptees who cater their message to adoptive parents. I’ve only watched a couple of their video’s and they just aren’t my cup of tea, I find them flippant, dismissive, surface level and skirt any deeper feelings, and that doesn’t go well with me, it may be your cup of tea. Whatever. The above thread linked is because they used the old trope adoptive parents use when they don’t like what an adoptee says by calling the adoptee bitter:

As an adoptee you can choose to be bitter or better. Both are justified, one is just better for you.

Nope, you don’t get to call adoptees bitter, you just don’t.

Grab a coffee and dive into a really good pushback and to their credit, they took it. The pushback is not only because they called adoptees bitter, but because they lumped every adoptee into an either/or narrative that remains static. The message also assumes any adoption related feelings are once and done, instead of the reality that adoptees will process being adopted throughout their lives when their lived experiences trigger them.

We aren’t puppets, we are human.

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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We need to change how adoption is viewed.

I struggle to contain my anger when an adopted child’s entire world is taken away from them, I can’t explain in any cohesive way how devastating just the thought of it happening is, nor can I contain my outrage for the industry that placed them in that home.

On Harlow’s Monkey is this article that she was asked to contribute too, about the current story that is reverberating through the adoption community.

Adoption is complicated—and the Myka Stauffer controversy proves it

Personally, I want the National Council for Adoption to weigh in, to task themselves with the challenge of changing the harmful narratives of adoption is beautiful, adoption is love, all those sappy sentiments the adoption community and public recite by rote; and return to the basic premise that finding the right home for a child who needs one is the most important aspect in adoption.

I’m still to upset to even begin to expound on the story, how it highlights the problems with how adoption is viewed both inside the adoption community and in the public’s eye.

If you comment, you can be angry, but please remember to remain civil.

A post from a while ago that links to many posts on the problem of oversharing which this story shows the view when it is taken to the extreme.

“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.”
Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From 2016: Adoptee loyalty…

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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PAL Suggestion

I have a suggestion for an addition to Positive Adoptive Language (PAL). Yes, me, the one who dislikes most of the required language, but maybe this request will spur an update and be inclusive of all parties to adoption (excluding adoption service providers), who knows, but it needs a good overhaul and what better time to start the conversation than now. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2020 in Adoption

 

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Sharing Your Child’s Story

Reading this post on Adoptive Families Facebook page is the reason I’m talking about this again. Maybe I’ll be able to change some hearts and minds and, maybe no one has explained well enough so it makes sense. What likeminded people in adoption are trying to do is to get you to take the time to see and set a line on what’s okay to share and what’s private (not secret, just private) of your families adoption story, especially your child’s story. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Happy for New York Adoptees

Adoptees from New York now have the right to their original birth certificates; in the first 48 hours 3600 online applications were made. There’s an estimated 650,000 adoptees from New York per this article: New York Adoptees Rush to Request Birth Certificates, After Years of Blocked Access. Adoptee Rights Law has details on how the new law works: Updated Info on New York’s New Law

Congratulations to everyone who has fought to change the law in the last 40 odd years and to all adoptees from New York. Now the challenge is to get the changes made to the NY Law known by adoptees from NY, seems easy but there are still adoptees from states who have changed the law regarding their original birth certificate, who have no idea they can order theirs. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2020 in Adoption

 

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From 2014: Good grief, this gets so tiring…

[2014] Earlier this week the Today Show included a segment on a daughter meeting her mother for the first time.  A daughter that resorted to using Facebook to try to find her by putting her personal information out on the internet (risky), but it paid off, and a reunion happened.  So what happens in the comments on the Today Facebook page after the segment aired?  (Be warned that I am using adoptive parents repeatedly throughout because that is what was used.)

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 22, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Adoption Awareness Month – Pop Quiz

We all know that having an updated and robust Family Health History is invaluable, that the older we get, the more important it becomes. Long-time readers of this blog know that I was that adoptee who was too busy living my best life to focus on adoption and being an adoptee, until I wasn’t. Until the lack of any family health history changed my life, completely, a life I never could get back. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Adoption Awareness Month – Changes

Domestic Infant Adoption has changed over the years. It had to because of the demand for babies and the lack of babies available to fill the demand. It had to because expectant parents were no longer dealing with a society that shamed white middle-class single mothers. It had to change, so it did, openness and instead of the expectant mother or her family paying expenses, laws were changed to allow the prospective parents to pay expenses, expectant mothers were held up as hero’s, not hidden away and expected to never speak of it again. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2019 in Adoption

 

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National Adoption Awareness Month – Day Four Round-up

Been sitting back and watching the start of this month unfold. Loving the adoptees speaking up, refocusing people onto topics worthy of discussion, hopeful others in adoption get on board with just sitting back and letting the ones at the center of adoption have the podium, so to speak. This post is links to what you may have missed, but need to read, and an older post of mine that speaks to the concept of celebrating adoption that I remembered I’d written after reading the first post linked below. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 4, 2019 in Adoption

 

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Quick thought

I think sometimes prospective and adoptive parents don’t realize that how they say something – tells the reader the person’s feelings of privilege and entitlement to adopt someone else’s baby. The quote below is in response to a comment about how birthparents should be allowed to spend time in hospital without the adopting parents there: Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on October 8, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Spin-off from “Family trees and whatnot…

Spin-off and continuation of the last post “Family trees and whatnot…” because Beth’s comment left on the post both answers my questions, and then, spins the conversation further into the generational affect of adoption, plus so much more. Beth and I have been online friends for years, she’s funny and so much wiser than I’ll ever be. Below is Beth’s comment and tale I loved, she always tells the best stories. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2019 in Adoption

 

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