The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: adoptive family
I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.
Where was I before I was adopted?
Did I stay in hospital the whole time?
Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?
How was I treated, wherever I was?
Who cared for me?
Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?
Or was I given something to keep me quiet?
And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?
Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?
Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?
Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?
Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what I read about ‘open adoption’ in online adoption groups that focus on domestic infant adoption.
- Some include a set number of phone calls or face time per year, with or without actual contact.
- Some have one visit a year for a set number of hours in a local park, or other local setting.
- Some have no contact at all, not even what would be considered semi-open, but they do know the Mother’s name.
- Some only send updates to the Mother once, maybe twice a year, it’s also often a one-way street.
- Some have wide open adoptions where there are no set number of visits, nor number of updates, they just become part of a bigger family.
Seeing as Safe Haven has become a point of interest to many, thought it time to repost this post (below) on Revolving Cradles. Skim parts of this post if you must, but pay attention to what they figured out worked better than Revolving Cradles (now called Save Haven Boxes) across Europe in the mid 1800’s.
Post from 2013 that was very personal for me to write, and one that I think is worth reposting now so people adopting today, and in the future, will try to walk in the shoes of the first family too. Also, read the comments on the post linked below, because they complete the picture I tried to paint.Read the rest of this entry »
Take the time to read the full article above and then we can talk about it. Personally, I’ve never met an adoptee who hasn’t been schooled on how grateful they should be to be adopted; how lucky they are because they could have been aborted, yada yada yada. You’d think by now that society would recognize the harm caused by growing up under that umbrella of should be dictates, and even as an adult, still being treated like children by random strangers once they know you’re adopted, or even worse, challenged by Adoptive Parents and wanna be Adoptive Parents…Read the rest of this entry »
Today on the FB posting of the Washington Post – Dear Carolyn.
“Dear Carolyn: Hi Carolyn, I am 45 and recently found the daughter whom I gave up for adoption when I was 16. My childhood was very traumatic and dysfunctional, therefore I knew that I couldn’t raise her properly or provide the best for her.
Apparently, babies were in short supply for people wanting to adopt post abortion becoming legal in 1973. Which, according to the testimony in the Congressional Hearing linked below brought on a new version of Black Market Adoption. I don’t have the time or energy to type up quotes other than the opening statement by Mr. Hyde, maybe I’ll do another post later. Link to the Congressional Hearing below.Read the rest of this entry »
The more I learn from other Adoptees lived experiences, the more I realize that my folks were the anomalies, rather than, the norm. And it makes me ever so sad other Adoptees had to deal with all they did on top of all that being adopted brings to their doorstep. Some of the differences are minor, some are so much bigger.Read the rest of this entry »
The Editors of The New England Journal of Medicine have weighed in “Lawmakers v. The Scientific Realities of Human Reproduction
“The just-announced U.S. Supreme Court decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization represents a stunning reversal of precedent that inserts government into the personal lives and health care of Americans. Yet it was not unexpected. In the long, painful prelude to the decision, many states have severely limited access to reproductive health care. The fig-leaf justification behind these restrictions was that induced abortion was a dangerous procedure that required tighter regulation to protect the health of persons seeking that care. Facts belie this disingenuous rhetoric.1,2 The latest available U.S. data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Center for Health Statistics are that maternal mortality due to legal induced abortion is 0.41 per 100,000 procedures, as compared with the overall maternal mortality rate of 23.8 per 100,000 live births.3,4 “
Go read the full post linked above.