Category Archives: Adoption

“I’m sorry you had such a negative experience.”

For the last three days I keep going back to a post on AFC but couldn’t find the words, so I’m bringing it here to talk about.  It’s a post by a Former Foster Youth (FFY) that is in no way problematic and, was meant to help foster parents and foster adoptive parents understand what may be in the child’s mind.   Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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On being known or remembered as a good person

Are you known as and will you be remembered as a good person?  That is the question that percolates to the top of my mind most often these days, it doesn’t matter whether I apply it to the adoption world, people in politics, or myself.  Perhaps I’m being cynical, but I’m extremely worried about the future and what it will look like. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 17, 2018 in Adoption


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I don’t think it’s either/or

Two posts I’ve read recently that may be good to discuss, mull on, agree or disagree.  And a third post I go back to time after time, it seems to give good advice for many situations in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 10, 2018 in Adoption


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From 2012 – Letter to my mother

Dear Mother,

Writing Dear Mother seems so formal, yet I never met you so I can’t call you mom, or even know if you would have wanted to me to call you mom. Let alone if I would have been comfortable with that either. How strange all of this is and to think that at my age I am writing you a letter for the very first time. All in all, this seems to be a harder letter to write than I thought it would be, and seems without purpose, or reason, but yet I think it is still something that I need to do. Perhaps it is just part of the journey, this need to talk to you, and write down my thoughts, so here goes… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 7, 2018 in Adoption


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Why is this so hard for some adoptive parents to get?

The question I keep asking myself is how to get some adoptive parents to step outside of their bubble of ‘how beautiful adoption is’ long enough to see the full picture of what adoption can be like for the one adopted over the course of their life.  From the parent who said that their 2.5 year old won’t have a “primal wound” because they are just so filled with joy, to the parent of a tween who hears only what they want to hear from their child, never stopping to ask themselves if they pre-conditioned their child to only tell them what they want to hear, or that what they say can be part of how they feel, not all of what they feel. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 25, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Now is not the time

I often use this blog as a way to vent, join my disjointed thoughts into something cohesive.  Most of these will sit in my drafts and never be published.  Yesterday I wrote one of those posts never intended to be published, today someone brought the discussion back to front of mind, and sure enough, what upset me yesterday, is still happening today, so I’m going to publish my thoughts from yesterday.

Advice to *some* adoptive parents, please stop with the me, me, what about me, regarding the title adoptive mom being used in news reports about the horrific tragedy that occurred in Florida.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 18, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Twitter thread


Before you dive in, read the definition of legal fiction that happens in adoption which is pertinent to the thread. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 13, 2018 in Adoption


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Connection and family trees

Yesterday I was musing on an article written about genealogy that rubbed me the wrong way, perhaps just my take, but it seemed like it was attempting to downplay or dismiss the value of genealogy and family trees.  It reminded me of the same way an adoptive parent comes off trying to downplay the importance of a family of birth to the one adopted.  Later, as I was tidying up around the house waiting for a service technician to arrive, it struck me, at it’s core, what I heard was the deflection of connection, the act of being connected to another person in a personnel and interconnected way, that bothered me and struck such a discordant note in me. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 31, 2018 in Adoption


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Responses to the NYTimes Ethicist

I left a comment on THE ETHICIST post  What if I Don’t Want to See the Child I Gave Up for Adoption? I seldom respond in comment sections as I don’t have the luxury of time to walk away, return, re-read and see obvious errors (not that I ever see them all) – but I strongly disagreed with the response given and left the following comment in response. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 27, 2018 in Adoption


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It’s Time For Change!

By Shadow

I can, so, relate to this Twitter post and thread, make sure you read the comments.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 25, 2018 in Adoption


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What made you the expert on which adoptees can be heard?

If you know me well, the title tells you this is a post where I’m going to vent a little, blow off steam that’s been percolating for nigh onto a week.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Life can be complicated and overwhelming at times

Daily contradictions in a life filled with complicated realities.  Painful memories have been triggered by the news that push to intrude into my mind instead of staying firmly in the past.  Simple welcome memories that pop into my head that bring me joy in the middle of a mundane task in one moment, to  fear of what lies ahead, to sheer awe at what someone did, sometimes even for me.  Days when I’m caught unaware by a rush of nostalgia that washes over me sparked by a simple object or picture that caught my eye, quickly dampened by the collision of other memories and knowledge of that time intruding to remind me that life really wasn’t that simple, or good. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 15, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


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