My mother was asked by someone fairly close to her, if she still thought about me after all this time. The title was the immediate answer. Stop and think about what that means to a mother. To me, it means that not only did she think about me, she would have wondered if I was okay, healthy, happy, sad, even if I was alive. I can only begin to imagine the level of pain she lived with, because without knowledge, I doubt that she would think only good thoughts, not have any worries about the life I was living, rather, they would include if I was living, what my new family was like, was I loved, was I okay. I compare her words with the length of time I thought of my son every single day – before I had days, and then, weeks go by without thinking about my son after he passed. That transition happened long before the first decade had passed and having lived through that, I can’t imagine the pain that stretched decades, day in, day out, no relief, no forgetting. It’s incomprehensible, and makes tears roll down my face just thinking about it. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: fathers
I just read a good article about fathers and adoption in the Chicago Tribune, well worth reading. Originally, I was just going to link it here, but then, I remembered a newspaper article from 1972 that provides some historical context to the article posted today.
I’ve been mulling on the reactions by the public, not only to the author of the article in my last post, but other recent articles written by, or about, adoptees. The solution is to change the public view of adoption. If it can be done, it will take honesty from the entire adoption community. Right now, how the public sees adoption isn’t real. I can see why they view it that way, when an article has a title about taboo topics of adoption, when it isn’t anything close. The title intrigued me, so I read it, if those topics are taboo, then I now understand why anything hard in adoption is met with such dismay. Dismay may be putting it too mildly, perhaps running screaming in the opposite direction is more realistic. How can we ever hope to get the public to understand that adoption is complicated for the adopted person when people inside of adoption, think these are taboo topics in adoption?
I’ve known for years that the US is both a sending and receiving country in Inter-county Adoption. That Canadians adopted infants through domestic adoption and from foster care. I also knew that Ireland adopted from the US as well off and on over the years. It bothered me, but the numbers were miniscule, and Canadian and Irish babies had previously been adopted into the US in great numbers and with other things happening in adoption, I put it off to the side.
Awhile back, an adult adoptee who writes posts for Adoption Net, wrote a post about how she believes some adoptees is why the public doesn’t have a positive view of adoption…
Apparently, times have changed and no one sent me the memo…that the statement below is hurtful and ignorant…according to those on Adoption: Share the Love Facebook page.
“Adoption is a great option…but only in cases where there are no capable and willing biological parents.”
What I take from that, is that if that saying is hurtful, or ignorant, some actually think it’s perfectly fine to give your baby away…even though you are capable (ability and means to raise a baby) and willing (want to parent to that child)…
My search was done via a Confidential Intermediary (also called a CI). That was never the way I had imagined my search going throughout the years, but I couldn’t physically search, nor was my brain competent enough to do it either. So, I was left with putting my search in the hands of strangers – not something I would have chosen before, but at the time, I felt I had no choice because it was important to share with them what happened to me, just in case, it could protect them. Read the rest of this entry »
A comment was left here yesterday, that I declined to approve. On the scale of some comments I have seen, it wasn’t the worst by any means. It was though, derogatory to an entire segment of people in adoption, no exceptions, painting all with the same brush. There is nothing to be gained by such comments except a further widening of the chasm between groups. We can choose to come together, and agree to disagree on some points, and then, focus on points we do agree with… Read the rest of this entry »