Tag Archives: fathers

From 2014: Every single day…

My mother was asked by someone fairly close to her, if she still thought about me after all this time.  The title was the immediate answer.  Stop and think about what that means to a mother.  To me, it means that not only did she think about me, she would have wondered if I was okay, healthy, happy, sad, even if I was alive. I can only begin to imagine the level of pain she lived with, because without knowledge, I doubt that she would think only good thoughts, not have any worries about the life I was living, rather, they would include if I was living, what my new family was like, was I loved, was I okay. I compare her words with the length of time I thought of my son every single day – before I had days, and then, weeks go by without thinking about my son after he passed. That transition happened long before the first decade had passed and having lived through that, I can’t imagine the pain that stretched decades, day in, day out, no relief, no forgetting. It’s incomprehensible, and makes tears roll down my face just thinking about it. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 26, 2020 in Adoption


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Article worth reading and a bit more…

I just read a good article about fathers and adoption in the Chicago Tribune, well worth reading.  Originally, I was just going to link it here, but then, I remembered a newspaper article from 1972 that provides some historical context to the article posted today.

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Posted by on December 5, 2015 in Adoption


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I’ve been mulling on the reactions by the public, not only to the author of the article in my last post, but other recent articles written by, or about, adoptees.  The solution is to change the public view of adoption.  If it can be done, it will take honesty from the entire adoption community.  Right now, how the public sees adoption isn’t real.  I can see why they view it that way, when an article has a title about taboo topics of adoption, when it isn’t anything close.  The title intrigued me, so I read it, if those topics are taboo, then I now understand why anything hard in adoption is met with such dismay.  Dismay may be putting it too mildly, perhaps running screaming in the opposite direction is more realistic.  How can we ever hope to get the public to understand that adoption is complicated for the adopted person when people inside of adoption, think these are taboo topics in adoption?

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Posted by on January 19, 2015 in Adoption


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Two-way flow…


I’ve known for years that the US is both a sending and receiving country in Inter-county Adoption.  That Canadians adopted infants through domestic adoption and from foster care.  I also knew that Ireland adopted from the US as well off and on over the years.  It bothered me, but the numbers were miniscule, and Canadian and Irish babies had previously been adopted into the US in great numbers and with other things happening in adoption, I put it off to the side.

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Posted by on July 7, 2014 in Adoption


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No, adoptees have not been the reason why…


Awhile back, an adult adoptee who writes posts for Adoption Net, wrote a post about how she believes some adoptees is why the public doesn’t have a positive view of adoption…

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Posted by on June 30, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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I obviously didn’t get that memo…

Apparently, times have changed and no one sent me the memo…that the statement below is hurtful and ignorant…according to those on Adoption: Share the Love Facebook page.

“Adoption is a great option…but only in cases where there are no capable and willing biological parents.”

What I take from that, is that if that saying is hurtful, or ignorant, some actually think it’s perfectly fine to give your baby away…even though you are capable (ability and means to raise a baby) and willing (want to parent to that child)…

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Posted by on May 8, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


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It’s time for change…


Magnolia with rain dropsMy search was done via a Confidential Intermediary (also called a CI).  That was never the way I had imagined my search going throughout the years, but I couldn’t physically search, nor was my brain competent enough to do it either.  So, I was left with putting my search in the hands of strangers – not something I would have chosen before, but at the time, I felt I had no choice because it was important to share with them what happened to me, just in case, it could protect them. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on May 4, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Finding common ground, it is possible…


Red Flower by TAO 2014A comment was left here yesterday, that I declined to approve.  On the scale of some comments I have seen, it wasn’t the worst by any means.  It was though, derogatory to an entire segment of people in adoption, no exceptions, painting all with the same brush.  There is nothing to be gained by such comments except a further widening of the chasm between groups.  We can choose to come together, and agree to disagree on some points, and then, focus on points we do agree with… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 8, 2014 in Adoption, Ethics


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Tired and angry…


I’m angry and I am having a hard time getting past that.  It’s starting to spill over into my life and I’m not seeing the beauty in the world around me.  I don’t want that to be my norm.  Part of the reason is that I am so angry that I can’t find the words to release it, and tired that so few in adoption speak up loudly when things are not right, combined with the fact there doesn’t seem to be an end of cases that involve adoptions not being done right. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 9, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics


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Different perspectives…


Time for other voices to be heard, and realistically, my voice is too angry right now.  Angry after reading a specific document this week that I can’t stop thinking about… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 22, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics


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To those who don’t agree with Adoptee Rights…


To anyone who disagrees with an Adoptee Rights Bill to allow Adult Adoptees to request, and receive, their Original Birth Certificate.  If you have followed along, I’m sure you have listened to, or will listen to testimonies by adoption attorneys, adoption agencies, and adoption professional lobbyists who will speak about mothers being given promises by them, or their predecessors, and how those promises need to be kept.  They will also likely testify about the mothers wanting that privacy, but perhaps not explain the privacy they may have wanted at the time.  I’m not going to go into the obvious argument about the state not being required to protect promises made by businesses – when everyone knows laws change all the time, or there wouldn’t be legislators.  I want to talk instead about what a mother may, or may not have wanted at the time, and the concept that it still holds true of what she wants today.  I want you to challenge yourself, to do what I am going to do below. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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One reason conversations between Adoptive Parents and Adoptees fail…


A discussion was/is happening on Creating A Family post that featured an adult adoptee comment on another post.  Confused?  Dawn received a comment by an adult adoptee from a closed adoption on whether open adoption was a good thing.  I think many adoptees have thought about it, I certainly did.  I joined the conversation and yet it took a while, and many comments later – for some to understand what I was saying.  Of course, that is one of the reasons I blog is to get my complicated, contradictory thoughts to make sense to others and that takes time, reflection, revision…  Anyway… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 20, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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