Tag Archives: considering adoption

Insecurity and adoption

First Mother Forum posted about the latest adoption letter to the Ethicist at the New York Times here.  I read both the letter from the adoptive mom and the response to her letter by the Ethicist, but what I really want to talk about is this… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on May 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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How much does ‘fit’ have to do with the adoptee experience

I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted.  I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee.  I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday.  I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 30, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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For Prospective/Hopeful Adoptive Parents

You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt.  This has been a standard for a long time

You may have also been told to reach out to expectant mothers, especially those who have joined an adoption group on FB or an adoption forum seeing support.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 23, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Microaggressions and Adoptees

The first time I heard about microagressions in adoption was from ABM on Adoptive Black Mom, this post specifically.  Yesterday, I was skimming through an annual report by Rudd that talked about a study on microaggressions and adoptees.   Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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I don’t think it’s either/or

Two posts I’ve read recently that may be good to discuss, mull on, agree or disagree.  And a third post I go back to time after time, it seems to give good advice for many situations in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on March 10, 2018 in Adoption


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Why is this so hard for some adoptive parents to get?

The question I keep asking myself is how to get some adoptive parents to step outside of their bubble of ‘how beautiful adoption is’ long enough to see the full picture of what adoption can be like for the one adopted over the course of their life.  From the parent who said that their 2.5 year old won’t have a “primal wound” because they are just so filled with joy, to the parent of a tween who hears only what they want to hear from their child, never stopping to ask themselves if they pre-conditioned their child to only tell them what they want to hear, or that what they say can be part of how they feel, not all of what they feel. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 25, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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What made you the expert on which adoptees can be heard?

If you know me well, the title tells you this is a post where I’m going to vent a little, blow off steam that’s been percolating for nigh onto a week.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Life can be complicated and overwhelming at times

Daily contradictions in a life filled with complicated realities.  Painful memories have been triggered by the news that push to intrude into my mind instead of staying firmly in the past.  Simple welcome memories that pop into my head that bring me joy in the middle of a mundane task in one moment, to  fear of what lies ahead, to sheer awe at what someone did, sometimes even for me.  Days when I’m caught unaware by a rush of nostalgia that washes over me sparked by a simple object or picture that caught my eye, quickly dampened by the collision of other memories and knowledge of that time intruding to remind me that life really wasn’t that simple, or good. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 15, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


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New Years Eve thoughts…

I woke this morning and the clock told me it was 4:36 am, about the time I usually get up.  While I was waiting for my coffee to be ready, I stood at the sink and looked out the kitchen window into the darkness filled with shadows that I know are the massive trees in my neighborhood, highlighted by the warm glow from the street lights.  It’s beautiful and peaceful and I don’t like sleeping in and missing this time of day, nor later watching as the day begins to dawn, and later still watching the fog roll in.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on December 31, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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Trust should go both ways in domestic infant adoption

I watched a discussion play out early this week on an adoption board on BabyCenter, one of the few boards I still enjoy reading because they normally don’t deal in fluff, are adamant that you can’t be shady, and face the reality that adoption is hard, but sometimes it’s needed. I popped in this week and one caught my eye, I read it, and it’s still in my mind today; an expectant mother wanted to learn about the adoption and the process.  She asked whether people adopted for charity or because they wanted to be parents and other good questions.  Before I get to the question that tipped a few over, I want to note that it was just a few that seem to be aghast with what she wanted, and others offered solid advice and support. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on November 26, 2017 in Adoption


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The reason why, the reason why it is different

Some, perhaps even many adoptees grumble about hopeful and adoptive parents grabbing onto the latest happy domestic infant adoption story, sharing it widely, making sappy comments, and I know for me, it always triggers an immediate reaction that starts with ugh. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on November 24, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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A What I’m thankful for, What I’m not thankful for related to adoption post…

I’m thankful for having parents who stood up and said no this is wrong when they saw it.  I’m not saying they were perfect, they were strong in what they believed in, strong in speaking their minds.  They taught us that it was good to stand up for what is right and push back when you saw something wrong.  I wish I was as strong as they were, I’m not, and I’m not thankful for that lack of strength, moral character, clarity that made them who they were, but I try to speak up when I see something I find egregious happening in adoption.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on November 22, 2017 in Adoption


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