I’m back – did you miss me?

I’ve been unusually quiet lately because I’ve been trying to sort out the waves of feelings I’ve had over the moves by some states to install safe haven boxes; that seems to be the newest way to get babies for adoption now, it’s also a dream come true for some people wanting to adopt, no pesky birth parents to worry about, no open adoption, no updates, visits, fears about the child wanting their parents by birth over their adoptive parents.

 

Canadian Reunion Story – 2021

Your typical story about boy meets girl, they date, she gets pregnant and they chose adoption for their son.

The difference than most is they did the adoption together, and the father also signed off on the relinquishment. They also stayed together, got married and had three more sons. To read the rest of their story, you’ll need to take the time to go read it at the link below.

 

From 2016: Physical and emotional scars…

The other day I stapled my finger, it caused a momentary sting, I noticed it was bleeding, put a band-aid on and went back to what I was doing. Until I sat down to write this post, I didn’t think of it because the wound was so minor I’d forgotten it in a matter of days. If I do it again, it may trigger a vague memory that I’ve done this before, then it will be gone.

Some wounds are so minor they just aren’t part of your conscious life, the above is an example that is vastly different from my next tale…

 

From 2016: My Story…

My Story…

 

Another Adoption Service Provider seems to not know Adoption History.

“Once upon a time–we’re talking about the years up to the early ’80s-–secrecy and lies was the name of the game in adoption.”

“This is how it worked: Expectant parents who had “out-of-wedlock” babies were forced to give them away and then told to go on with their lives without knowing what became of their children.”

“Adoptive parents were expected to raise the children “as their own” without ever mentioning where they came from. And the children themselves had no idea about anything until the truth would accidentally slip out. Sometimes it would come directly from the adoption record. Other times it would come out as part of their parents’ deathbed confession.”

“Finally, they would have answers to the questions that gnawed at them their entire lives:”

• “Why don’t I look like my parents?”
• “Why am I so different from the rest of my family?”
• “Why are my parents so uncomfortable about talking about my birth?”

The above is from an Adoption Service Provider…America Adopts

 

Right to end your adoption?

Adoptive Parents have the right to annual the adoption, so why don’t Adult Adoptees have the same right?

Gregory Luce @adopteerights is the author of the article below that made me start musing on the subject:

Adoptee Rights And Adoption Annulment

 

Secrets Part Two

Most who have been here for awhile know CB, she made a comment on the post Secrets. A comment that expands on different comments made on the WAPO article that I wrote about in the above post, and one in particular from an AP. (that was hard to explain without me ending up confused.) Anyway…

 

The Loss Becomes Deeper

I have spent countless hours doing my folks family trees, and my family trees, as well – the difference between the trees of my adoptive family is I can recount so many family stories I was part of, and all the stories told I wasn’t part of, and yet can tell them, because they were told, retold and talked about over the years.

 

I’m still here

Having a hard time making any of my thoughts translate to a post, so here’s yet another try.

Just heard a middle-aged adoptee who was asked to introduce himself, who, after stating his name included “I’m adopted and I hit the Jackpot.” He was speaking in a situation where being adopted (or not) had no bearing on anything, they just wanted his name for the record.

It was bizarre to say the least.

 

Adoptee Loyalty from 2016

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me. 

 

Missing Pieces

I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.

Where was I before I was adopted?

Did I stay in hospital the whole time?

Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?

How was I treated, wherever I was?

Who cared for me?

Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?

Or was I given something to keep me quiet?

And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?

Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?

Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?

Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?

 

AP’s need to be educated before they adopt.

Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…