What would you say if I said I wasn’t thankful I was adopted?
Would you say that I must have had a bad experience and you’re sorry?
Would you also tell me that you know other adoptees who are thankful they were adopted? That they love being adopted? That they are thankful they weren’t aborted? Read the rest of this entry »
The start of #NAAM brings up so many mixed emotions, including where I see myself now with such a mix of amazingly brilliant adoptees now speaking up; their digging deep and being far more open and real than my personality allows me to be. I’m thankful for every one of them, you should be too. Find them, follow them, learn from them. Amplify their voices, share their posts, listen to their lived experiences and the wisdom they’ve gained. Read the rest of this entry »
With National Adoption Awareness Month mere days away, I have a challenge for you. Don’t worry, it’s an easy challenge. The challenge is to be aware of both your own instinctual bias in regards to adoption, but also in the different roles (Adoptive parents, Adoptees, First Mothers) whatever that may be, and to be aware of the bias in articles, posts, memes being put out during NAAM.
Instead of trying to explain what I mean I’m linking to this post about stereotypes, hierarchy and bias in adoption. Give it a read through (and the comments) and then actively see where the stereotypes, hierarchy and bias lands in NAAM this year. Which triad position in adoption is seen, heard, believed, held up as good, why it is, where did the credibility come from, which role is pushed back on, things like that. Talk about what you see this year in the comments of this post if you’d like.
(Lots of online discussion on adopting due to the recent SC nominee so it seems timely to re-up this post and hopefully make some think)
Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…
When did it become okay to treat Adoptive Parents as the enemy? Yes, they benefit from how adoption is currently practiced and many of the practices are wrong anyway you look at it, but the question remains – when did it become okay to be nasty for the sake of being nasty?
Maybe I’m just too old to understand.
Maybe the other Adoptees are right and I’m wrong.
Maybe I’m right and they are the ones who can’t see that being nasty doesn’t work.
Maybe the world changed; people changed and shaming is the only way to change anything. If that is true then we are all in a heap of trouble with no way to move into a kinder, gentler world. I hope not. Read the rest of this entry »
I want to see a concerted shift in how the adoption community talks about adoptee stories, specifically, the labelling adoptee stories as positive or negative. Stay with me a minute while I explain. Read the rest of this entry »
Once in a while I’ll check out adoption provider websites to see what’s changed; what’s new, what way the industry is trending towards. Agency / adoption provider websites used to spell things out on their websites detailing all the steps an expectant mother would need to know about. It was good. Read the rest of this entry »
Long-time adoption agencies and lawyers have been dealing with adoption for decades, nothing new there, except they now compete, co-exist with an ever expanding list of *new and improved* so-called adoption service providers who call themselves consultants, whose goal is to get you (a hopeful adoptive parent) a baby, and fast. Read the rest of this entry »
I struggle to contain my anger when an adopted child’s entire world is taken away from them, I can’t explain in any cohesive way how devastating just the thought of it happening is, nor can I contain my outrage for the industry that placed them in that home.
On Harlow’s Monkey is this article that she was asked to contribute too, about the current story that is reverberating through the adoption community.
Adoption is complicated—and the Myka Stauffer controversy proves it
Personally, I want the National Council for Adoption to weigh in, to task themselves with the challenge of changing the harmful narratives of adoption is beautiful, adoption is love, all those sappy sentiments the adoption community and public recite by rote; and return to the basic premise that finding the right home for a child who needs one is the most important aspect in adoption.
I’m still to upset to even begin to expound on the story, how it highlights the problems with how adoption is viewed both inside the adoption community and in the public’s eye.
If you comment, you can be angry, but please remember to remain civil.
A post from a while ago that links to many posts on the problem of oversharing which this story shows the view when it is taken to the extreme.
“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.”
Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”
This Day in History
