Links to posts on late discovery…

From 2015

Not that I can ever imagine what a Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA) goes through, I’m sure it would break my heart and take a long time to come to any level of peace.  I’m also sure there are many future LDA’s that will find out when their parents pass away and they deal with the estate paperwork, or decide one day to innocently take a DNA test that has become such a popular tool. Why did any parent think it was proper to lie to their child, especially, when others around them know the truth. Today there are parents of adopted children who don’t want to, or intend to tell, still. To me it’s selfishness of the worst kind, setting your child up for a heart-breaking discovery down the road, all to make you feel ‘real’ and keep your secrets. I have a hard time understanding anyone who willingly chooses not to tell – how can you parent your child with such a huge lie between you?

 

Simple primer for reading this blog…

Written in 2017

The other day an Adoptive Parent left a comment on a post detailing that I had enormous problems bonding with my adoptive parents and how I demonize adoption as the source of all my pain and woes. Say what? Funny thing happened though, it didn’t upset me like it would have in the past, whether that’s because it’s become old hat, or because I’ve come to the conclusion that most folks can’t separate “adoption” from “being adopted” from “family” from “feelings” and get upset that I don’t use “disclaimers”, which I believe may have been part of the reason the comment was left.

 

What if “the vocal adoptees” are right?

Post written in 2016.

The theory: That most adoptees are just living their lives and those who are vocal are not the norm…aka angry adoptees, had a bad experience, ungrateful, mal-adjusted, anti-adoption, etc.,…

 

Endless cycle of non-adopted knowing all.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen these types of comments shown below in italics that are made in response to someone talking about the hard parts of being adopted, and that, the feelings are not necessarily once and done. I thought we’d been there, done that, and had entered the new age of not using a single adoptee as the voice of all adoptees and all things being adopted. Instead, it’s me choosing to avoid people who speak to what they don’t know, haven’t experienced.

 

Moving past Positive Adoptive Language

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen the the topic “Is Adopted” or “Was Adopted” discussed on an Adoptive Parent Facebook Page. It amused me after a quick scan of Adoptive Parent replies using “Was Adopted” and how being adopted didn’t define their child, with a few who had more nuanced answers to give. The irony of Adoptive Parents being on an Adoptive Parent Facebook page talking mainly about all things Adoption and Adoptive Parenting seems to have escaped them; as most say they use “Was Adopted” and some expanded that it happened in the past and doesn’t define their child or their family.

 

Lucky

I’m one of the “lucky” adoptees from the era referred to as the Baby Scoop Era (BSE). I’m lucky for all the reasons listed below and more. I also wish I never needed to be “lucky” in the first place.

And my use of the term Lucky is not giving any non-adopted person permission to use it in regards to an adopted person.

 

Who is the client in adoption? Who should be?

There was an article posted that garnered lots of comments in a closed FB group I’m in, none of the comments were good that I remember. The post was pulled down from the site it was published on. You can read about the specifics on Lori’s post, see link below.

 

From the archives: The Art of Dismissing the adoptees voice

I wrote this post about 10 years ago? I reposted it in 2015, not much has changed, so I’m reposting the 2015 post, again. Do take the time to read the comments from the 2015 post below.

The Art of Dismissing the adoptee’s voice…

And a quick shout-out to everyone who comments, you make my day when you add to the conversation, a thank you to those stopping by to read, plus an invite to add your voice too.

 

Telling Our Stories

Every afternoon Grandma would sit in her overstuffed chair by the window and watch the people walking up and down the main road going into town. While she was doing that, she’d muse on what type of person they were, what their story might be, all based on what she saw them doing, carrying, the frequency they walked that road, if I was there visiting, she’d muse out loud. It was her way of whiling away the hours once she got to the point in her life where just doing her morning chores was all she could do, and now, it was her time to just relax and let her mind wander. What Grandma never did though, was tell us her stories of growing up, not what it was like to immigrate, marry, raising kids; we’d hear snippets, but not stories. There are so many missing stories that would have explained who she was, why she was the way she was, both the good and the hard shaped her – that I know.

 

Rambling thoughts after reading an article.

I stumbled across the article linked at the end of the post when I was looking for something else, so I saved the link to do a post on it that I never got around to doing, until today, and yes, I’m rambling and letting my mind go where it will. The article is from 1990, and it’s about adoption and a time before Facebook existed, it talks about how people advertised for expectant mothers to pick them.

 

“I know an adoptee who is just fine with being adopted”

I was on twitter this weekend and an adoptive parent (or intends to be an adoptive parent someday) – started mixing it up with adoptees chatting amongst themselves. The title above was her go to response to explain her pushback. Which got me to thinking about the post from 2019 linked below.

I know an adoptee who is just fine being adopted….

 

Nip it in the bud if someone says it.

It isn’t okay to say “family has come out of the woodwork” when you are hoping to adopt the child you’ve been fostering.

It just isn’t.