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Tag Archives: considering adoption

What the first mom study said to me

I didn’t have time to delve deeply into the first mom study in my last post.  Today I want to talk about what it said to me, but before that, I want to reiterate some of my feelings on first moms and domestic infant adoption. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on June 14, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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I read a study on first moms that sparked this question…

If an adoptee offers anything online that could be considered less than positive about adoption there is a common reactionary statement that goes something like this: Most happy adoptees are out living their lives and aren’t on adoption forums (often littered with I’m sorry you had a bad experience, bitter, ungrateful, the I know an adoptee,  etc.).  I haven’t met an adoptee online who hasn’t had that said to them at least once, if not multiple times.

The same is offered to first moms online – different but similar to what is offered to an adoptee. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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When the one adopted is stuck in the middle

I’m in a few adoption groups on facebook, closed groups.  Groups that lean-to opposite sides of adoption, i.e. adoptive parent heavy or first parent heavy.  The message promoted in each group is often weighted on based on the predominant voices in the group.  I hear a very different message presented in each, two sides of the same coin where the scales tip to the side of the prominent voices in the group. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2018 in Adoption

 

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Insecurity and adoption

First Mother Forum posted about the latest adoption letter to the Ethicist at the New York Times here.  I read both the letter from the adoptive mom and the response to her letter by the Ethicist, but what I really want to talk about is this… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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How much does ‘fit’ have to do with the adoptee experience

I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted.  I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee.  I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday.  I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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For Prospective/Hopeful Adoptive Parents

You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt.  This has been a standard for a long time

You may have also been told to reach out to expectant mothers, especially those who have joined an adoption group on FB or an adoption forum seeing support.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 23, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Microaggressions and Adoptees

The first time I heard about microagressions in adoption was from ABM on Adoptive Black Mom, this post specifically.  Yesterday, I was skimming through an annual report by Rudd that talked about a study on microaggressions and adoptees.   Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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I don’t think it’s either/or

Two posts I’ve read recently that may be good to discuss, mull on, agree or disagree.  And a third post I go back to time after time, it seems to give good advice for many situations in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2018 in Adoption

 

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Why is this so hard for some adoptive parents to get?

The question I keep asking myself is how to get some adoptive parents to step outside of their bubble of ‘how beautiful adoption is’ long enough to see the full picture of what adoption can be like for the one adopted over the course of their life.  From the parent who said that their 2.5 year old won’t have a “primal wound” because they are just so filled with joy, to the parent of a tween who hears only what they want to hear from their child, never stopping to ask themselves if they pre-conditioned their child to only tell them what they want to hear, or that what they say can be part of how they feel, not all of what they feel. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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What made you the expert on which adoptees can be heard?

If you know me well, the title tells you this is a post where I’m going to vent a little, blow off steam that’s been percolating for nigh onto a week.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Life can be complicated and overwhelming at times

Daily contradictions in a life filled with complicated realities.  Painful memories have been triggered by the news that push to intrude into my mind instead of staying firmly in the past.  Simple welcome memories that pop into my head that bring me joy in the middle of a mundane task in one moment, to  fear of what lies ahead, to sheer awe at what someone did, sometimes even for me.  Days when I’m caught unaware by a rush of nostalgia that washes over me sparked by a simple object or picture that caught my eye, quickly dampened by the collision of other memories and knowledge of that time intruding to remind me that life really wasn’t that simple, or good. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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New Years Eve thoughts…

I woke this morning and the clock told me it was 4:36 am, about the time I usually get up.  While I was waiting for my coffee to be ready, I stood at the sink and looked out the kitchen window into the darkness filled with shadows that I know are the massive trees in my neighborhood, highlighted by the warm glow from the street lights.  It’s beautiful and peaceful and I don’t like sleeping in and missing this time of day, nor later watching as the day begins to dawn, and later still watching the fog roll in.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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