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Tag Archives: considering adoption

From 2016: My Story…

 
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Posted by on January 31, 2023 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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Another Adoption Service Provider seems to not know Adoption History.

“Once upon a time–we’re talking about the years up to the early ’80s-–secrecy and lies was the name of the game in adoption.”

“This is how it worked: Expectant parents who had “out-of-wedlock” babies were forced to give them away and then told to go on with their lives without knowing what became of their children.”

“Adoptive parents were expected to raise the children “as their own” without ever mentioning where they came from. And the children themselves had no idea about anything until the truth would accidentally slip out. Sometimes it would come directly from the adoption record. Other times it would come out as part of their parents’ deathbed confession.”

Finally, they would have answers to the questions that gnawed at them their entire lives:”

  • “Why don’t I look like my parents?”
  • “Why am I so different from the rest of my family?”
  • “Why are my parents so uncomfortable about talking about my birth?”

The above is from an Adoption Service Provider…America Adopts

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Posted by on January 1, 2023 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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Right to end your adoption?

Adoptive Parents have the right to annual the adoption, so why don’t Adult Adoptees have the same right?

Gregory Luce @adopteerights is the author of the article below that made me start musing on the subject:

Adoptee Rights And Adoption Annulment

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Posted by on December 17, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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Secrets Part Two

Most who have been here for awhile know CB, she made a comment on the post Secrets. A comment that expands on different comments made on the WAPO article that I wrote about in the above post, and one in particular from an AP. (that was hard to explain without me ending up confused.) Anyway…

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Posted by on December 2, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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The Loss Becomes Deeper

I have spent countless hours doing my folks family trees, and my family trees, as well – the difference between the trees of my adoptive family is I can recount so many family stories I was part of, and all the stories told I wasn’t part of, and yet can tell them, because they were told, retold and talked about over the years.

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Posted by on November 20, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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I’m still here

Having a hard time making any of my thoughts translate to a post, so here’s yet another try.

Just heard a middle-aged adoptee who was asked to introduce himself, who, after stating his name included “I’m adopted and I hit the Jackpot.” He was speaking in a situation where being adopted (or not) had no bearing on anything, they just wanted his name for the record.

It was bizarre to say the least.

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Posted by on November 3, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Adoptee Loyalty from 2016

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me. 

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Posted by on September 16, 2022 in Adoption

 

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Missing Pieces

I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.

Where was I before I was adopted?

Did I stay in hospital the whole time?

Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?

How was I treated, wherever I was?

Who cared for me?

Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?

Or was I given something to keep me quiet?

And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?

Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?

Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?

Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2022 in Adoption, Ethics

 

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AP’s need to be educated before they adopt.

Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…

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Posted by on September 4, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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From 2019 and 2021: I know an adoptee who is just fine being adopted….

Two posts, two years apart, similar and different, or both/and, both with the same title.

2019 post here

2021 post here

It’s odd I titled both posts the same, I don’t think I realized it until I decided to do this post, it’s also not odd because my brain glitches more than I like.

Cheers

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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What is the objective of open adoption?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what I read about ‘open adoption’ in online adoption groups that focus on domestic infant adoption.

  • Some include a set number of phone calls or face time per year, with or without actual contact.
  • Some have one visit a year for a set number of hours in a local park, or other local setting.
  • Some have no contact at all, not even what would be considered semi-open, but they do know the Mother’s name.
  • Some only send updates to the Mother once, maybe twice a year, it’s also often a one-way street.
  • Some have wide open adoptions where there are no set number of visits, nor number of updates, they just become part of a bigger family.
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Posted by on August 16, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Revisiting the post Revolving cradles

Seeing as Safe Haven has become a point of interest to many, thought it time to repost this post (below) on Revolving Cradles. Skim parts of this post if you must, but pay attention to what they figured out worked better than Revolving Cradles (now called Save Haven Boxes) across Europe in the mid 1800’s.

 
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Posted by on August 7, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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