I finally signed up for instragram, still don’t understand why people like it or even know how to navigate through it. And no, don’t look for me there because I struggle just to keep current here, just so you know where this came from.
There’s a HAP (hopeful adoptive parent) on instagram who wrote a blog post on choosing to adopt, didn’t read it, just what was posted by their consultant below.
“This blog is chock full of insights on life, family, money, and how sometimes “plan b” was always meant to be.”
I thought it refreshing to see a HAP being honest because the majority of us are Plan B, C, D, E, and accepting that is part of life being adopted. It’s never been a big deal to me, made perfect sense that mom and dad would have tried to have biological children first.
But then, I’ve always seen the logical side versus the emotion laden side of life.
Another adoptee didn’t find it refreshing and left a comment to the consultant who posted it: “As an adult adoptee, I respectfully ask that you think about your language and the implications for adopted children. We are human lives, not backup plans. How do you think believing you are a plan B impacts an adoptee’s self concept? Please use NAAM as an opportunity to listen to adoptee voices.” ⠀
And that’s what I want to talk about.
Adoptees are going to have different views, different personalities, stories, beliefs, lived experiences, all of which are going to color how we see adoption, how we view our own adoption story. Listen to a variety of adoptees, hear their views, try to understand why they feel that way.
There is no guarantee that the child you adopt will have the same personality and adoption feelings of the adoptees you prefer to listen to because they align with yours. Read both the good and the hard adoptee stories, read the stories filled with anger, pain, deep grief, and those filled with lots of joy. Reading many different adoptee stories will serve you well, you’ll also learn that feelings change as we mature and have more lived experiences that add to shaping who we become.
And above all, know the seven core issues adoptees face. Creating a Family did a great show on The Seven Core Issues In Adoption and Foster Care. Take the time to listen and save the link for listening again.
One more recommendation: Listen to Courtney on Twitter: @WordyRamblings – she does amazing threads on adoption. Courtney recently did a bunch of polls for all sides in adoption for NAAM. Pretty sure she’ll be weaving adoption threads from the results, follow her, you won’t regret it.