I’m trying to explain the shifting feelings that happen over the course of a lifetime about being adopted. Would you share how your feelings shifted and became more complex with time (if they did)? I think it’s important for parents to understand how feelings and your emotions can change over time re your adoption, how maturity, understanding of the larger society impacts those feelings good or bad. I just want them to realize that feelings about being adopted, the impact it has on you is not something static, more that it is fluid and ever-changing. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: stories
Covers so much…let it sink in…
I just got home from my weekly grocery shop. When I left the grocery store I was a wee bit grumpy, the cashier wasn’t happy and ensured we all felt it. Grumpy is contagious, so I was in a mood putting my groceries into the car and then going to put the cart back.
And then, everything changed… Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve had a hard time this year being able to focus on writing a post about any one subject, I can write snippets, but being able to shut off all the distractions in today’s world has often proven beyond my ability. One thought that keeps repeating itself every time I see what’s happening in the world is “I’m glad mom and dad aren’t here to see what is happening”. A thought I never imagined I’d ever have, let alone being willing to say out loud, but I am glad they aren’t here to see the bizarre, ugly, mean-spirited happenings in this world. It’s ugly out there and I don’t know if it can be fixed. Yet, the other day I reached out to you, and you responded that proved there are still good people willing to reach back. Thank you my friends, those that commented, those that took the time to read, you ground me, all of you, you make sure I don’t feel alone in a world that has overnight become very foreign. Now, enough of me blathering, lets talk about something else… Read the rest of this entry »
Dad is often in my mind and this week has been no different. He didn’t suffer fools easily, had few words, but gave far more of himself to his family and community than he ever received in return. Now days, I think of him often when I read about the grief of infertility and how it is hard to go to baby showers, and see others create families without any apparent struggle.
I think of the grace and strength that dad had every single day, because you see, he was the man who delivered babies, many babies, over many decades, some at home, some in hospital.
I’d been lulled into complacency thinking that adoptive parents had finally understood that sharing all the gory details of their child’s story to the world, wasn’t in the best interests of the child. Then I stepped out of my self-selected adoptive parent blogs and groups I follow, and with one click, that complacency evaporated… Read the rest of this entry »
Specifically, the birthday of my mother by birth. The morning before, I had this thought that there was a birthday I was missing, but I had no idea whose, or even when, just that it was someone’s birthday soon, perhaps that day. Seeing as I couldn’t figure it out I went to check my family trees to see if it was a direct line ancestor’s birthday. I checked dad’s tree first because it’s the one I know best, nothing, so then I moved to my maternal birth family tree, and there it was, my mother’s birthday was the next day. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve read a lot lately so thought it was time to share… Read the rest of this entry »
What has helped me most with my deepest feelings about not just being adopted, but the unintended consequences that have played out in my particular story? A community of adoptees who share similar feelings, questions, loyalty conflicts. For me, nothing I’ve done has helped more than feeling I’m not alone in this journey. What made me realize this now? Recently, I saw a clip on the need to talk about mental health challenges by Howie Mandel, how talking to others going through the same journey of mental health conditions helps you not feel alone or weird. That got me thinking about how having someone to talk to who gets it, whatever the it is, that isn’t there to judge (you’ll see what I mean later) has helped so much, so, that’s what spurred this post because it made me think about all the different ways and different aspects of my life that have benefited from having a community. Read the rest of this entry »
I know I’ve talked about it before, but I continue to see both adoption agencies and adoptive parents speak on what adoption was like back in the 50’s and 60’s. They blithely state misinformation, as if, it was fact. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve posted The Danger Of A Single Story by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie every year in November since I first posted it in 2010. Listening to her talk never gets old, rather, it seems, I get something new from it every time. Perhaps why it stays relevant is that it applies to so many different areas in life for different people. Perhaps, because it’s filled with wisdom that always has value, adds value every time you hear it.
When I was two, I fell down the stairs and landed face down on the cement floor of the basement. I lost a front tooth. I screamed, cried, and carried on until dad picked me up and carried me back up stairs. I have flash memories of falling down the stairs, hitting the floor, dad carrying me back up holding me on his left side. What dad was wearing is also part of that memory. Read the rest of this entry »