Probably a sweet idea created with the best of intentions by an agency. Probably something those who are adoptive parents would want to do, it might even lift spirits in this hard time we are all struggling through. So, I get it, I truly do, I hope it helps those who need a lift up. It’s also incredibly simplistic and unrealistic, not to mention disenfranchising to many in adoption.
To the mother who never even saw her child, never knew if her child was even still alive,whether her child was happy, loved. The mother who was promised open-adoption which went ‘poof’ once those papers were signed. The mother, who, one day several years down the road of an open adoption, started getting fewer updates or visits, maybe told their child was struggling and it’d be better if they just closed the adoption. The father who was dispatched from his role as dad to his child by laws created by pro-adoption legislators and/or by the mother of his child for whatever reason.
I’m an adoptee. I’ve also been struggling mightly lately with everything adoption and being adopted. I think the pandemic has triggered many of my feelings lately, feelings I’ve had over the years but just pushed down before. Feelings I should have dealt with head on at the time, but didn’t or couldn’t. With the pandemic and so many lives lost, with so much fear and grief everywhere you look I think it has finally undone me. That combined with my lived experiences and a few years ago becoming an orphan for the second time now both my folks are gone. Whatever the cause is, it’s also taken me back to my teen years, years I struggled with needed to be loved, yet pushing people away anytime I got close to feeling loved. It’s probably when my mantra of “everyone leaves, not if, but when” started that held me up, kept me going because I was also determined to keep carrying on and show them. I’m still doing that, the carrying on, and yet, I still hear that mantra everytime I feel vulnerable all these decades later.
I’m tired of living the life of being adopted, never meeting either parent or growing up knowing my family, and now trying to know who they were or are from tidbits, dates and pictures, if I’m lucky. Right now, I’m starting slowly down a path towards a relationship with one of my siblings, hoping I don’t get too overwhelmed this time and shut down and just hide away because it’s all too much. There are many days I hate adoption, I hate being adopted, I hate the never-ending loss that follows you throughout your life, always waiting and watching until you’re feeling vulnerable to remind you of everything you lost the day you were born.
So, count me out on your #WhyILoveAdoptionChallenge.
Count me in whe you run your #WhyWeCelebrateEveryFamilyWhoDoesNotGetSeparatedByAdoption compaign.
Edit: I made a mistake, the actual challenge is #WhyAdoptionIsLoveChallenge which to me adds more layers, may do a post on it – not changing the above post to reflect my mistake.
An Adoptee whose mantra is Everyone Leaves, Not If, But When.
Twitter thread that really resonated with me today.