Dear Adoptive Parents – Word of Advice

23 Feb

Pretty sure I’ve vented about this before. The child you adopted is not your adoptee. Don’t refer to them as your adoptee when you write about them.

“Don’t be afraid when your adoptee is disappointed with their first family.” 

Would you want your child to refer to you as their adopter rather than their parent, their mom, their dad? Because that is what you are doing to your child when you call them your adoptee.

Adoptees claimed the term to describe their relationship to adoption as adults.

Stop co-opting a term you don’t have permission to use, nor a right to use. You are raising your child; you are raising the child you adopted; you are raising your adopted child. When your child is older they will choose how to refer to themselves in relation to being adopted.

Stop co-opting a term you don’t have a right to use. 


An Adoptee


Posted by on February 23, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , ,

10 responses to “Dear Adoptive Parents – Word of Advice

  1. BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

    February 24, 2021 at 4:09 am

    “Don’t be afraid when your adoptee is disappointed with their first family.” Seems like there are hidden messages in this statement. I’m not sure what it means.


    • Joy Smith

      March 1, 2021 at 8:51 pm

      Think it may refer to when the child as an adult finds their birth family and is disappointed as they had made up such a wonderful Disneyland image in their head, that reality is pretty tame. At least that was my experience. Too many fairy tales read as a child as the only make believe I had access too. J x


      • TAO

        March 2, 2021 at 12:13 am

        No, it was an open adoption of a child, Not an adult. I’ve seen it more than once.


  2. beth62

    February 24, 2021 at 12:43 pm

    Hard to tell if they are talking about the child, or just about Adoption, and themselves, by that sentence.
    You don’t have to be Adopted to be disappointed in your first family while living with your current family.
    And yes, if my mom called me her Adoptee, I would return the favor to her, my Adopter. In a heartbeat, plus I would be very Disappointed in her!


  3. beth62

    February 24, 2021 at 1:12 pm

    Afraid? I’ve btdt with many of my kids, still there doing that with some as adults. Afraid seems like an odd word to choose, to me. That is a puzzling sentence to me.


  4. TAO

    February 24, 2021 at 2:28 pm

    I’m also so sure I can remember where I copied something from – and learn to regret it, it was on instagram but I’m really bad at instagram. Should have known better guys, sorry.


    • beth62

      February 24, 2021 at 2:53 pm

      I’ve never even been on instagram, so you’re doing better than me. All I know is it’s where my kids post pics they say I probably don’t want to see. LOL


      • TAO

        February 24, 2021 at 2:59 pm

        To me, it’s a very strange platform. I’ve tried to get used to it and end up frustrated every single time. TOO OLD.


        • beth62

          February 24, 2021 at 3:33 pm

          I consider old to be of benefit here LOL I can get away with out looking at and being exposed to so much! I feel like my brain isn’t as polluted as many I know :/ and I really don’t feel like I’m missing anything important to me!


          • TAO

            February 24, 2021 at 3:44 pm

            I got curious so I’ve been wandering around a bit when I’m bored. It hasn’t impressed me at all. Do not see what people see in it.



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