RSS

Tag Archives: Adoptive Parents

What the first mom study said to me

I didn’t have time to delve deeply into the first mom study in my last post.  Today I want to talk about what it said to me, but before that, I want to reiterate some of my feelings on first moms and domestic infant adoption. Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements
 
13 Comments

Posted by on June 14, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

I read a study on first moms that sparked this question…

If an adoptee offers anything online that could be considered less than positive about adoption there is a common reactionary statement that goes something like this: Most happy adoptees are out living their lives and aren’t on adoption forums (often littered with I’m sorry you had a bad experience, bitter, ungrateful, the I know an adoptee,  etc.).  I haven’t met an adoptee online who hasn’t had that said to them at least once, if not multiple times.

The same is offered to first moms online – different but similar to what is offered to an adoptee. Read the rest of this entry »

 
18 Comments

Posted by on June 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

When the one adopted is stuck in the middle

I’m in a few adoption groups on facebook, closed groups.  Groups that lean-to opposite sides of adoption, i.e. adoptive parent heavy or first parent heavy.  The message promoted in each group is often weighted on based on the predominant voices in the group.  I hear a very different message presented in each, two sides of the same coin where the scales tip to the side of the prominent voices in the group. Read the rest of this entry »

 
10 Comments

Posted by on May 29, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

You must have options to choose from to be a choice

We make choices everyday throughout our lives, big or small, knowingly or not.  There are also times a conscious choice is made because you believe it is the right choice to make, a moral choice.  Sometimes there isn’t a choice to be made though it’s just something we wouldn’t ever consider doing.  Other times we don’t have any other option and then it really isn’t a choice. Read the rest of this entry »

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: , ,

Insecurity and adoption

First Mother Forum posted about the latest adoption letter to the Ethicist at the New York Times here.  I read both the letter from the adoptive mom and the response to her letter by the Ethicist, but what I really want to talk about is this… Read the rest of this entry »

 
13 Comments

Posted by on May 7, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

How much does ‘fit’ have to do with the adoptee experience

I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted.  I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee.  I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday.  I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »

 
13 Comments

Posted by on April 30, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Two thoughts intersected this morning…

Reading a post on naming your child (adoption) and one commenter shared she has two close adopted relatives who weren’t named at birth.  A second commenter brought up that the mother of their child named her child, but somehow, the original birth certificate only said Baby Girl Surname.  The response by the first commenter was that maybe mistakes happened, but neither of her adopted relatives wanted to know anything about their birth families.

The above conversation collided with the article I read after…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
21 Comments

Posted by on April 27, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , ,

Microaggressions and Adoptees

The first time I heard about microagressions in adoption was from ABM on Adoptive Black Mom, this post specifically.  Yesterday, I was skimming through an annual report by Rudd that talked about a study on microaggressions and adoptees.   Read the rest of this entry »

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Need to be better, do better…

I want to talk about the reaction in the adoption community when the news broke about the Hart family and the reaction by some vocal adoptive parents in the community.  I don’t want to talk about what happened because it serves no purpose.  I want to speak carefully, but I have my own lived experience that applies a filter and bias to my words. Read the rest of this entry »

 
14 Comments

Posted by on April 8, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , ,

“I’m sorry you had such a negative experience.”

For the last three days I keep going back to a post on AFC but couldn’t find the words, so I’m bringing it here to talk about.  It’s a post by a Former Foster Youth (FFY) that is in no way problematic and, was meant to help foster parents and foster adoptive parents understand what may be in the child’s mind.   Read the rest of this entry »

 
11 Comments

Posted by on March 19, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , ,

I don’t think it’s either/or

Two posts I’ve read recently that may be good to discuss, mull on, agree or disagree.  And a third post I go back to time after time, it seems to give good advice for many situations in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »

 
20 Comments

Posted by on March 10, 2018 in Adoption

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Why is this so hard for some adoptive parents to get?

The question I keep asking myself is how to get some adoptive parents to step outside of their bubble of ‘how beautiful adoption is’ long enough to see the full picture of what adoption can be like for the one adopted over the course of their life.  From the parent who said that their 2.5 year old won’t have a “primal wound” because they are just so filled with joy, to the parent of a tween who hears only what they want to hear from their child, never stopping to ask themselves if they pre-conditioned their child to only tell them what they want to hear, or that what they say can be part of how they feel, not all of what they feel. Read the rest of this entry »

 
18 Comments

Posted by on February 25, 2018 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , ,