Dear people adopting or even have already adopted – I watched one of the thousands of adoption video’s this morning. This is how I feel after watching it. Please listen to my words and consider them. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: Adoptive Parents
I’m old and most days can easily become grumpy at the drop of a hat. That happened yesterday on a comment thread on NYT’s FB post of an article. My grumpiness wasn’t over the article, it was good, it was because the PAL crowd got terribly upset in a how dare you way and we demand you fix it, and fix it now (which the NYT did)
Their issue in the headline: Given up for adoption… Read the rest of this entry »
The road to this post is sort of long, please bear with me. Mom’s parents immigrated from England to Canada back in the early 1900’s, if memory serves they knew each other in England before they immigrated. They married in Canada and lived out their lives there; this story takes place after they were all gone. Back then, trips home to England were few because you had to go via ship, but they stayed in touch with family through regular letters written in ultra-small script filling every inch of the page. So, mom grew up knowing her cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents though letters and stories told. When travel got easier (airplanes), mom visited several times over the decades, she would spend several days with each family, they also kept up the letters so everyone knew what was happening in the family. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve tried every which way to help people, specifically adoptive parents in the adoption community to move on from labelling an adoptee as having either a positive or negative adoption experience. I’ve failed in all previous attempts and I don’t like admitting defeat, so here’s one more try…
Read the rest of this entry »
I’m looking for adoptees willing to weigh in on:
- reasons why you could and did tell your parents you were searching for your family of birth.
- reasons why you couldn’t and wouldn’t tell your parents you were searching for your family of birth.
- reasons why you chose not to search until your parents passed.
- reasons why you chose not to search.
- reason why you searched
- reason I haven’t listed
And if you could refer to all numbers that corresponds to what you did that’d be helpful so I don’t assume incorrectly. Also, if you care to share, about what age you started to actively search. Feel free to wander farther afield than the above choices if you’d like, you have the floor.
Yes, every adoptee’s story is unique. There are also similarities found in all adoption stories for the one adopted, and if you can’t see that, then I don’t know what to tell you on how to get there, but I do know you need to get there. Read the rest of this entry »
I didn’t have time to delve deeply into the first mom study in my last post. Today I want to talk about what it said to me, but before that, I want to reiterate some of my feelings on first moms and domestic infant adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
If an adoptee offers anything online that could be considered less than positive about adoption there is a common reactionary statement that goes something like this: Most happy adoptees are out living their lives and aren’t on adoption forums (often littered with I’m sorry you had a bad experience, bitter, ungrateful, the I know an adoptee, etc.). I haven’t met an adoptee online who hasn’t had that said to them at least once, if not multiple times.
The same is offered to first moms online – different but similar to what is offered to an adoptee. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m in a few adoption groups on facebook, closed groups. Groups that lean-to opposite sides of adoption, i.e. adoptive parent heavy or first parent heavy. The message promoted in each group is often weighted on based on the predominant voices in the group. I hear a very different message presented in each, two sides of the same coin where the scales tip to the side of the prominent voices in the group. Read the rest of this entry »
We make choices everyday throughout our lives, big or small, knowingly or not. There are also times a conscious choice is made because you believe it is the right choice to make, a moral choice. Sometimes there isn’t a choice to be made though it’s just something we wouldn’t ever consider doing. Other times we don’t have any other option and then it really isn’t a choice. Read the rest of this entry »
I read an article on the results of a study on friends and what I call ‘fit’ and want to talk about how it relates to being adopted and how we experienced being adopted. I am not saying fit is all there is, it isn’t, I’m saying I think it is a big component in adoption for the adoptee. I have two life-long friends where there is no work required to maintain the relationship, whether a day or several years pass without talking, we just fit effortlessly and it’s always like we talked yesterday. I had that same fit with dad, less so with mom. Read the rest of this entry »