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Tag Archives: Fail

Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on August 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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The Art of Not Oversharing your Child’s Story or Troubles…

I’d been lulled into complacency thinking that adoptive parents had finally understood that sharing all the gory details of their child’s story to the world, wasn’t in the best interests of the child.  Then I stepped out of my self-selected adoptive parent blogs and groups I follow, and with one click, that complacency evaporated… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2017 in Adoption

 

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End of the year…

The last few years I’ve tried to post links to 12 different posts for the end of the year.  This year, I’ve been struggling with what to post.  There were stellar posts everyone should have read, or should read, that’s not the problem. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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When did this become acceptable?

By TAO

I checked my email this morning and one of the emails had a link to a blog post.  If anyone wants to understand why some of us do not like how adoption is practiced today – this is a perfect example of why. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 4, 2014 in Adoption

 

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Synonyms, Semantics, who cares…

By TAO

Fair warning this post is snarky; but you will understand why I’ve started it this way with an analogy if you read to the end:

I’ve decided that I’m going to use the term adopter instead of adoptive parent from now on – they are synonyms of the other, so they mean the exact same thing…who cares that some adopters become enraged, others feel demeaned, or feel that it is a derogatory term.  It’s easier for me, and they should just get over it, because I know other adopters who don’t care and use it themselves…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 6, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Every adoptee is supposed to have an adoption story…

By TAO

I remember my adoption story.  It is still told today so many years later, most of it involves how I came to be adopted into my family.  It describes exactly what took place, and, why I needed to be adopted.  All of which was valid, all of which was done ethically, and, all was done with grace. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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To me – this isn’t an analogy I would ever use…

By TAO

Because I have seen an uptick in this particular analogy…

Just a note to all the people I have seen recently trying to prove that parents can love their adopted children the same as their biological children – and that adopted children can love their adopted parents as much as they would biological parents – because spouses can deeply love their non-biological spouses…

Yuck, yuck, and just yuck…

Lets just skip that analogy please….

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

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Update in the Salt Lake Tribune – they withdrew the appeal to the USC…

Utah couple ends legal fight over child’s adoption

A Utah couple are ending their fight to overturn a judge’s ruling that sent a toddler placed at birth for adoption back to her father.

On Monday, Jared and Kristi Frei asked the Utah Supreme Court to voluntarily dismiss their appeal, saying the continued legal battle wasn’t worth the potential psychological damage the 2-year-old girl might experience if her custody continued to shift.

Why they didn’t do that at the 4 month mark still escapes me…they also gave a prepared statement in the link above…

Previous posts below… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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Update in the Salt Lake Tribune – Reunited…

Father reunited with daughter who was adopted at birth by Utah couple

Provo • Terry Achane walked out of a 4th District courtroom Friday clutching a grocery bag containing two baby bottles.

Achane is going to need them.

The previous day, he was reunited with his 2-year-old daughter, Teleah.

It was a happy ending to Achane’s lengthy court battle to gain custody of the girl, who was placed for adoption at birth without his knowledge.

“I’m very happy,” a smiling Achane (pronounced A-chan) said Friday. “It’s 22 months too long — but the wait was worth it. I’ve got my daughter.”

The father and daughter will leave for Fort Jackson in South Carolina on Saturday. Waiting for them is Achane’s extended family, who can’t wait to meet Teleah.

More to the story at the link above…there still is the hearing in March noted in the story below.

Previous posts below… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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Update in the Salt Lake Tribune – USC decision…

Utah Supreme Court denies stay in married father’s adoption case

The Utah Supreme Court on Friday declined to stay a trial court judge’s order giving a married father custody of a child who was placed for adoption at birth without the father’s consent or knowledge. The court also set an expedited hearing for the appeal.

The high court on Tuesday had put a temporary hold on 4th District Court Judge Darold McDade’s decision giving Terry Achane custody of his 2-year-old daughter, Teleah. The toddler has lived with adoptive parents Jared and Kristi Frei since her birth.

Go read the rest of the story because I am unsure on what it means.  From what I understand, the Utah Supreme Court is going to hear the appeal, but at least they have set an expedited court date at the end of March.  It also appears that the original judge decides who Teleah stays with until then?  What a mess – who would keep a child from the legal father – especially just months after the birth, and now it is still going on.  Just not right.

Previous posts below… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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Update in the Salt Lake Tribune – USC has placed a temporary hold on the judge’s order…

Utah Court puts temporary hold on returning girl to dad

The Utah Supreme Court on Tuesday put a temporary hold on a trial court judge’s order giving a married father custody of his daughter, who was placed for adoption at birth without the father’s consent or knowledge.

Terry Achane, an Army drill sergeant stationed at Fort Jackson in South Carolina, was waiting in Dallas to board a plane bound for Utah, when he got the news. A hearing set for Wednesday in Provo’s 4th District Court, during which Achane expected to get custody of Teleah, his 2-year-old daughter, was canceled.

[…]

The high court said the provisional stay on the petition for emergency relief filed by the adoptive parents would give it “the time necessary to adjudicate the request for emergency relief,” but did not indicate how long that might take.

“It could be a day or two, it could be a week,” Wiser said.

I am so stunned that the only words I have, are ones that are so not nice…all I can say is it better be top of the agenda at the USC…go read the whole article.  While you are at it, read this article that details other prospective adoptive parents dealing with the same agency…Utah adoption agency accused of leaving trail of broken dreams, emptied wallets

Previous posts below… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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Update in the Salt Lake Tribune on the adoption saga – the appeal…

Utah judge upholds decision to give father custody of his child

A Utah judge on Friday refused to stay his decision giving a South Carolina father custody of his 22-month-old daughter, who was placed for adoption by his ex-wife without the man’s knowledge or consent.

Fourth District Judge Darold McDade also left intact his ruling that set a Jan. 16 deadline for the couple who now have the child to give her up.

Lance Rich, an attorney representing adoptive parents Jared and Kristi Frei, said they will ask the Utah Court of Appeals to issue a stay while they appeal McDade’s rulings.

The Freis declined to comment after the 2½-hour hearing, which McDade scheduled on short notice and closed to media. Terry Achane, the child’s father, was unable to travel to Utah for the hearing, his attorney said.

“It’s a very weighty issue for the judge,” Scott Wiser, one of Achane’s attorneys, said outside the courtroom. “It’s a difficult human case and [the judge] is trying to do the best he can with the arguments out there, the rights of the parties, and what’s best for Teleah. That was forefront in his mind, what’s in Teleah’s best interests.”

Go read the rest of the article.  And of course, they are filing yet another appeal…for goodness sakes – when will this madness end.

Previous post  (2nd post) below…

Utah adoption saga: New questions as fight continues

The Salt Lake Tribune has learned the Utah adoption agency that arranged for a married father’s child to be given up at birth is under scrutiny by state licensing officials and the adoptive parents have acted on their pledge to try to block the toddler’s return to her dad.

Ken Stettler, licensing director for the Utah Department of Health and Human Services, told the Tribune that the Adoption Center of Choice has operated under a corrective action plan since September, when its license was extended but not renewed. The action was taken because of documentation deficiencies in some case files, Stettler said.

Important read – more about the agency, licensing, the timeline, the appeal, the different names the agency has done business under, requirements of advertising fees paid to another company…  Very interesting…

It also includes details about helping “either” family…

Previous post below…

Father is ready to turn page on Utah adoption horror story

A 4th District Court judge says he is “astonished and deeply troubled” by a Utah adoption agency’s deliberate move to circumvent the rights of a married man whose daughter was adopted at birth without his knowledge.

The Provo judge, while noting the birth mother had deceived her husband, the adoption agency and the prospective parents, has given the adoptive couple 60 days to give the child back.

In a 48-page ruling, Judge Darold McDade said the Adoption Center of Choice’s policy of refusing to disclose any information to Terry Achane once he learned what had happened to his baby is “utterly indefensible.”

Go read the whole story – so wrong – no words…

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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