Tag Archives: Fail
I struggle to contain my anger when an adopted child’s entire world is taken away from them, I can’t explain in any cohesive way how devastating just the thought of it happening is, nor can I contain my outrage for the industry that placed them in that home.
On Harlow’s Monkey is this article that she was asked to contribute too, about the current story that is reverberating through the adoption community.
Personally, I want the National Council for Adoption to weigh in, to task themselves with the challenge of changing the harmful narratives of adoption is beautiful, adoption is love, all those sappy sentiments the adoption community and public recite by rote; and return to the basic premise that finding the right home for a child who needs one is the most important aspect in adoption.
I’m still to upset to even begin to expound on the story, how it highlights the problems with how adoption is viewed both inside the adoption community and in the public’s eye.
If you comment, you can be angry, but please remember to remain civil.
A post from a while ago that links to many posts on the problem of oversharing which this story shows the view when it is taken to the extreme.
“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.”
Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”
I’m not the first adoptee to speak up against adoptive parents oversharing their child’s adoption story, nor will I be the last. We routinely speak up on this issue and have for years. This is a Do Better subject dear to many of us. This is also a Respect Your Child subject we think you should care about. We have lived a lifetime of being adopted and know all too well the consequences for the one adopted, and by extension, all adoptees when adoptive parents overshare their child’s private stories. (do feel free to assume a #not-all-adoptees-feel-that-way.)
This post is courtesy of the latest rendition of oversharing an adoptee’s story on-line, the most recent adoptee video that’s gone viral. Read the rest of this entry »
I think everyone has triggers that can immediately set you off. I have them, although the older I get, the less I seem to care about the ones that intrude on daily life, more of a it is what it is and move on. Yet, I still can’t do that with adoption triggers, they sit with me, sometimes I’m not aware they are still there until the next time they show themselves. This post is mainly about one adoption trigger; and it’s a ridiculously ignorant adoption meme going around on general and adoption FB pages. Read the rest of this entry »
You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt. This has been a standard for a long time.
You know what? This isn’t cute. This isn’t funny. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve posted this story elsewhere of sisters who were separated and adopted into different homes; the response was typical, shallow best describes the reaction and that’s the problem I see within the adoption community when it comes to the adoptee. Whatever the back story is for the one adopted, even if egregious, people in the adoption world typically only offer how lucky they were to find each other. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m old and most days can easily become grumpy at the drop of a hat. That happened yesterday on a comment thread on NYT’s FB post of an article. My grumpiness wasn’t over the article, it was good, it was because the PAL crowd got terribly upset in a how dare you way and we demand you fix it, and fix it now (which the NYT did)
Their issue in the headline: Given up for adoption… Read the rest of this entry »
Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others. How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system. I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently. Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold. What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »
I’d been lulled into complacency thinking that adoptive parents had finally understood that sharing all the gory details of their child’s story to the world, wasn’t in the best interests of the child. Then I stepped out of my self-selected adoptive parent blogs and groups I follow, and with one click, that complacency evaporated… Read the rest of this entry »
The last few years I’ve tried to post links to 12 different posts for the end of the year. This year, I’ve been struggling with what to post. There were stellar posts everyone should have read, or should read, that’s not the problem. Read the rest of this entry »