From 2018: For Prospective/Hopeful Adoptive Parents

You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt. This has been a standard for a long time.

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You need to respect the gravity of all that adoption is

You know what? This isn’t cute. This isn’t funny. 

 

Sisters separated

I’ve posted this story elsewhere of sisters who were separated and adopted into different homes; the response was typical, shallow best describes the reaction and that’s the problem I see within the adoption community when it comes to the adoptee. Whatever the back story is for the one adopted, even if egregious, people in the adoption world typically only offer how lucky they were to find each other.

 

Grumpy rant

I’m old and most days can easily become grumpy at the drop of a hat. That happened yesterday on a comment thread on NYT’s FB post of an article. My grumpiness wasn’t over the article, it was good, it was because the PAL crowd got terribly upset in a how dare you way and we demand you fix it, and fix it now (which the NYT did)

Their issue in the headline: Given up for adoption… 

 

Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking.

 

The Art of Not Oversharing your Child’s Story or Troubles…

I’d been lulled into complacency thinking that adoptive parents had finally understood that sharing all the gory details of their child’s story to the world, wasn’t in the best interests of the child.  Then I stepped out of my self-selected adoptive parent blogs and groups I follow, and with one click, that complacency evaporated…

 

End of the year…

The last few years I’ve tried to post links to 12 different posts for the end of the year.  This year, I’ve been struggling with what to post.  There were stellar posts everyone should have read, or should read, that’s not the problem.

 

When did this become acceptable?

By TAO

I checked my email this morning and one of the emails had a link to a blog post.  If anyone wants to understand why some of us do not like how adoption is practiced today – this is a perfect example of why.

 

Synonyms, Semantics, who cares…

By TAO

Fair warning this post is snarky; but you will understand why I’ve started it this way with an analogy if you read to the end:

I’ve decided that I’m going to use the term adopter instead of adoptive parent from now on – they are synonyms of the other, so they mean the exact same thing…who cares that some adopters become enraged, others feel demeaned, or feel that it is a derogatory term.  It’s easier for me, and they should just get over it, because I know other adopters who don’t care and use it themselves…

 

Every adoptee is supposed to have an adoption story…

By TAO

I remember my adoption story.  It is still told today so many years later, most of it involves how I came to be adopted into my family.  It describes exactly what took place, and, why I needed to be adopted.  All of which was valid, all of which was done ethically, and, all was done with grace.

 

To me – this isn’t an analogy I would ever use…

By TAO

Because I have seen an uptick in this particular analogy…

Just a note to all the people I have seen recently trying to prove that parents can love their adopted children the same as their biological children – and that adopted children can love their adopted parents as much as they would biological parents – because spouses can deeply love their non-biological spouses…

Yuck, yuck, and just yuck…

Lets just skip that analogy please….

 

Update in the Salt Lake Tribune – they withdrew the appeal to the USC…

Utah couple ends legal fight over child’s adoption

A Utah couple are ending their fight to overturn a judge’s ruling that sent a toddler placed at birth for adoption back to her father.

On Monday, Jared and Kristi Frei asked the Utah Supreme Court to voluntarily dismiss their appeal, saying the continued legal battle wasn’t worth the potential psychological damage the 2-year-old girl might experience if her custody continued to shift.

Why they didn’t do that at the 4 month mark still escapes me…they also gave a prepared statement in the link above…

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