I’m tired, but I’ll keep trying…

I’ve lost faith that most private adoption (DIA and DYI/DIA) will ever change to be child centered. Based on what I see, there seems to be little to no rigor in requiring people wanting to adopt be of a certain caliber, or have the ability to step outside of their wants, as long as they can tick specific boxes they get their homestudy approved, regardless if they are AP material or not. And when that happens only the industry wins, the child surely doesn’t.

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In a mood…

And if what I’m saying below doesn’t apply to you, your choices, your adoption, then it doesn’t apply to you and yours, no need for a #notall. And if you can’t tell from the title and opening statement; I’m right pissed off and deeply saddened and disappointed at the same time.

 

Emotion sparked memory

It’s been an emotionally draining few weeks with all the new legislation being raced into law. It just seems so wrong, for so many reasons, reasons that will become excruciatingly real if any of the laws stand. There’s a reason doctors spoke up both pre and post Roe v. Wade, they witnessed the result when a woman could not obtain a safe, legal abortion and they had to try to save her life. But seeing as this is an adoption blog, that’s not the focus on this post.

 

Archives 2011: It’s natural to want to know where you came from…

“People will not look forward to posterity, who never looked backward to their ancestors” ~ Edmund Burke [1729-97]

 

It’s 2019 and this keeps happening, still.

Lynne Miller is perhaps one of the sweetest and most forgiving adoptee I’ve come across in a long, long time. She found out after her parents passed away that she was adopted and is a LDA (Late discovery adoptee). Since then, Lynne has been traveling the journey of discovery in a very sensitive manner to find out what her whole story is.

And then, yesterday, this happened, and do read the whole thread where Robin doubles down, repeatedly.

 

“I miss my family.”

This post is by Tiffany, her second guest post here, she’s also one of my friends. She’s fierce about what’s right, what’s wrong, she’s also an adoptive mom. A while ago, I asked her to write a post that might help others understand the complexity and challenges of adoption. She said she’d tell her story and see if that helped, it did, people loved it and it made a difference. Today’s post took me back to when I was a little one with big feelings I didn’t know how to deal with, that in this post, are dealt with wisdom and grace, please hear what she’s saying, it’s important.

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Consolation prize?

Upfront I need to say I’ve never felt this way about my adoption and we all were Plan B, but it sure seems whatever the verbiage used, that many adoptees are merely consolation prizes the adopting parents finally settled for. And I see the risk of adoptees being merely consolation prizes growing, not diminishing.

 

Click-bait adoption stories

I want to talk about the impact for the one adopted to be subjected to the never-ending promotion of adoption in the media, the message it sends to their friends, families, professionals and even co-workers. It’s nigh impossible to avoid, regardless of how much you try to tune it out.

 

Tunes

Yesterday we had a beautiful sunny afternoon which allowed me the pleasure of pulling weeds for a bit. It felt good, wish I could do more. This morning it’s rainy, and as I type this, I’m listening to old tunes that take me back to both the good times and the hard times in my life. I remember times when only tuning out everything else and cranking the volume up high and listening to music could get me through the day.

 

2014 Archive: Closure…is it what people think it is?

I’ve been thinking about what closure is for a long time. Can you actually close the door on your past, or event, and walk into your future unscathed? I can’t. Every single event in my life that touched me so deeply that one would seek closure for – has molded and shaped me into who I am today.

 

Sisters separated

I’ve posted this story elsewhere of sisters who were separated and adopted into different homes; the response was typical, shallow best describes the reaction and that’s the problem I see within the adoption community when it comes to the adoptee. Whatever the back story is for the one adopted, even if egregious, people in the adoption world typically only offer how lucky they were to find each other.

 

Difference between open adoption and open records

I read a question to an adoptee who was just venturing outside of her own adoption about her view on open records, as if, every adoptee comes complete with unlimited knowledge about all things adoption. The adoptee responded by talking about their feelings and concerns on open adoption. I’m not sure why some adoptive parents still need to ask every adoptee they meet about how they feel about ‘open records’, and of course, they didn’t clear up the confusion the adoptee had between the subject asked and the subject of her answer given, hence this post.