Further reflections

Since my last post I’ve spent time reading other voices from all sides of the aisle on what happened in Charlottesville, as well as the larger picture of race relations.  I’ve tried hard to hear the underlying and competing views, but like must of us, our lived experiences feed into how we see anything, what side we find ourselves firmly planted on. 

 

Dear Expectant Moms considering adoption (aka Birthmothers)

I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them.  I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named.  Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time.  Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following.

 

Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking.

 

Requesting adoptees help

I’m trying to explain the shifting feelings that happen over the course of a lifetime about being adopted.  Would you share how your feelings shifted and became more complex with time (if they did)?  I think it’s important for parents to understand how feelings and your emotions can change over time re your adoption, how maturity, understanding of the larger society impacts those feelings good or bad.  I just want them to realize that feelings about being adopted, the impact it has on you is not something static, more that it is fluid and ever-changing.

 

Judging crediblity and worth in adoption circles

Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents.  Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions.  Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong.

 

Archives 2015 – Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there.  I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt.  I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good.  Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her.  Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…

 

That whole Meant To Be thing…

From my understanding this may be part of someone’s faith and I’m not trying to disrespect that, but delve respectfully into how problematic that can be in adoption.  Nor am I trying to disrespect parents who feel that way down the road that their family was what their family was supposed to be, that seems different somehow.

 

Who knew she was adopted.

I often search for quotes on a topic, find one that resonates and then read about the person who said it.  It’s an interesting and enlightening way to learn about people.  This morning, I started with Origins, then Wisdom, then decided I’d try to find an Adoption quote that didn’t try to make adoption better than biological families, wasn’t wrapped up in destiny, wasn’t magical, pre-ordained, or mystical, just something you’d expect from a normal conversation from someone in adoption. 

 

Conversation in a grocery store parking lot…

I just got home from my weekly grocery shop.  When I left the grocery store I was a wee bit grumpy, the cashier wasn’t happy and ensured we all felt it.  Grumpy is contagious, so I was in a mood putting my groceries into the car and then going to put the cart back.

And then, everything changed…

 

Two different voices, two different subjects, both important.

Adoptive parents need to read to understand, hear what is being said, educate themselves on the hard…

It’s all inter-connected, being adopted adds additional layers…

Adoption, Sex, And The Pursuit Of Love: Why Adoptive Parents Need To Talk To Their Kids About Sex

We must be able to talk about suicide and adoption, being adopted, I know of three that happened this month…

Today I went to a Funeral

There’s more to being adopted than rainbows and sunshine, pretending otherwise does a disservice to adoptees.

 

 

Need A Little Help From My Friends-SB 329

By Shadow

Texas adoptees need your help! SB 329 is on the Calendar of Intent in the Texas Senate. If passed, this bill will give, all, Texas, adoptees access to their original birth certificate, without a court order. This is the last week, and chance, to get this bill heard. Please help Texas adoptees out, by making a call, sending a fax, or email to the Texas legislature, letting them know you support this bill.

We need all the help we can get. You do not have to be a Texas resident to do this. Let’s make this, finally, happen!

Please check out the “Support Texas Adoptee Rights” website for information on who to call, the phone numbers and email addresses.  It’s easy to find who to call, or email if you prefer and will only take a few minutes.  You can also support via Twitter @TxAdopteeRights

Facebook Texas Adoptee Rights

Thanks!

May 17th Ps. There is a Change Petition urging Senator Campbell to join with Senator Creighton to pass this bill.  You can find it here.

 

This schooling adoptees is getting really old

Argh, another article.  Today, my role as Adoptive Mom is to school all you adoptees about what really happens when you reunite, despite not having reunited myself because I’m not adopted.