2014 Archive: Closure…is it what people think it is?

I’ve been thinking about what closure is for a long time. Can you actually close the door on your past, or event, and walk into your future unscathed? I can’t. Every single event in my life that touched me so deeply that one would seek closure for – has molded and shaped me into who I am today.

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Sisters separated

I’ve posted this story elsewhere of sisters who were separated and adopted into different homes; the response was typical, shallow best describes the reaction and that’s the problem I see within the adoption community when it comes to the adoptee. Whatever the back story is for the one adopted, even if egregious, people in the adoption world typically only offer how lucky they were to find each other.

 

Difference between open adoption and open records

I read a question to an adoptee who was just venturing outside of her own adoption about her view on open records, as if, every adoptee comes complete with unlimited knowledge about all things adoption. The adoptee responded by talking about their feelings and concerns on open adoption. I’m not sure why some adoptive parents still need to ask every adoptee they meet about how they feel about ‘open records’, and of course, they didn’t clear up the confusion the adoptee had between the subject asked and the subject of her answer given, hence this post.

 

So thankful for other voices

Thankful for how willing adoptees are to not just talk about adoption, being adopted, but to also have the grace, strength and power inside them to tell their stories in ways that makes you feel them, instead of just reading them. Stories unique to each, and yet, weaving similar themes that run through their stories. It’s a gift for both prospective and adoptive parents that I hope they willingly accept, think deeply on, and challenge themselves to dig deep to understand.

 

Yep, it’s that month again…

Dear Friends, how are you doing this month? Were you dreading it as much as I was? I’ve been disconnected in many ways, specifically in not feeling in the mood to venture into the fray this month creates, staying in small trusted circles until now…

 

How will your adoption choices be viewed?

I know I’m always talking about how you adopt matters, I’m hoping that today’s post offers you a chance to consider how the long-term impact your choices in adopting can play out and even be generational. Choosing the way to get that baby fastest, easiest, the shortest time post birth to relinquishment, or no revocation period, shouldn’t be what guides the choices you make, your ethics and morals should.

 

Both/And vs. Either/Or

It’s a rare adoptee who would fit into the Either/Or category people like to paint us as, instead try seeing us as Both/And.

 

Processing adoption over the years – input requested

The intent of this post is similar to this post Looking for adoptee input on searching as the response was amazing and I thank each one of you who took the time to contribute. This time, it’s to offer a space for any adoptees who wish to describe the different times in their lives when they processed being adopted and how their feelings and views changed. What life events that triggered reflection, changes based on life stages/ages, understanding of adoption practices, or…

 

The well-adjusted adoptee…

The other day a conversation took place between an adoptive parent and adoptee, things got somewhat heated. Days later it’s still bothering me and it took me a while to figure out why that was.

 

Do you really need to share your adoption story to all?

Dear people adopting or even have already adopted – I watched one of the thousands of adoption video’s this morning. This is how I feel after watching it. Please listen to my words and consider them. 

 

Oversharing

We’ve been watching AGT for the last few years, can’t say I’m particularly a fan, but I don’t mind it most of the time. Except for the sob stories used to garner votes. I don’t mind hearing their back story of how they got to where they are, I just don’t want to hear a blatant pull-on-your-heart-strings sob story.

 

Grumpy rant

I’m old and most days can easily become grumpy at the drop of a hat. That happened yesterday on a comment thread on NYT’s FB post of an article. My grumpiness wasn’t over the article, it was good, it was because the PAL crowd got terribly upset in a how dare you way and we demand you fix it, and fix it now (which the NYT did)

Their issue in the headline: Given up for adoption…