I’m not the first adoptee to speak up against adoptive parents oversharing their child’s adoption story, nor will I be the last. We routinely speak up on this issue and have for years. This is a Do Better subject dear to many of us. This is also a Respect Your Child subject we think you should care about. We have lived a lifetime of being adopted and know all too well the consequences for the one adopted, and by extension, all adoptees when adoptive parents overshare their child’s private stories. (do feel free to assume a #not-all-adoptees-feel-that-way.)
This post is courtesy of the latest rendition of oversharing an adoptee’s story on-line, the most recent adoptee video that’s gone viral.
I did a quick search on the blog for posts I’ve done about this over the years; below is a sampling of the many posts on the subject. If this subject matters to so many adoptees – don’t you think as adoptive parents you should take the time to listen, learn a bit, do better?
2015 – Will they ever learn? Short post and link to my all time favorite TED Talk.
2015 – What happens when you ‘share’ your child’s personal story… Another short post that highlights exactly what happens.
2016 – That cute set of pictures you set to public? Medium length post on what can happen, the loss of control.
2017 – The Art of Not Oversharing your Child’s Story or Troubles… Medium length post on excuses made by adoptive parents
2018 – Do you really need to share your adoption story to all? Longer post that digs into the underlying issues.
“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.” Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”.