Are you a HAP hoping to adopt?

15 May

If yes, this post is for you. If you see yourself reflected below, do better, be better, because that’s not the moral standards an adoptive parent needs to have.

I’ve just witnessed, yet again, the frenzy that occurs when an expectant mom visits an adoption group or page on Facebook looking for support and/or knowledge. The frenzy that happens is started by HAPS who either blatantly upfront on the thread, or via private messages to the expectant mom, put themselves out as wanting to a) be a support for her, b) want to be picked by her to adopt her baby, c) offer their story of infertility and their hopes of adopting. If you’ve done something like that because you want to adopt her baby and hope she picks you, you didn’t offer support for her sake, you offered it so you’d gain.

If you’ve done anything like that you should be ashamed of yourself.

You’ve crossed a line you should never have even considered crossing.

Not only have you disrespected her by approaching her because you want what she has, you’ve given no thought to what she’s going through right now, just what you want, what you think you deserve, her babe.

You don’t deserve her babe, or any babe with that mindset.

If you don’t see her, the crisis she’s in, the struggle she’s having and going through, and instead, just think of what you want and the opportunity she presents to you, then you’re on really shaky ground and you need to fix yourself.

And if you succeeded in your targeting of an expectant mom, how’s that going to sound in your child’s adoption story, because that is part of the adoptee’s story.

My story is squeaky clean, it matters, more than you will ever know.

There are so many adoptees out there with terrible adoption stories, stories that should never have happened in the first place, and they struggle, they hurt, deeply. Terrible adoption stories do not lend to good parent child relationships that last forever, they just don’t. And if you think you’re the exception, or the child will never find out, you’re wrong on both counts.

Previous posts on this topic below if you still don’t understand that this type of behavior has no place in adoption.

When those wanting to adopt, forget that morals matter in how you adopt

From 2018: For Prospective/Hopeful Adoptive Parents



Posted by on May 15, 2020 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Are you a HAP hoping to adopt?

  1. BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

    May 15, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Removed at the request of: Books: Sexual Assault, Loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

    May 22, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    Reblogged this on TRUMPIEVANSAUTHOR.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

    May 23, 2020 at 5:15 pm

    “Are you a HAP…?” speaks for so many of us. Thank you, TAO. You write in a manner that people will read and listen to. I removed my long comment because it distracted from your important and succinct message!

    When a first mother speaks against adoption, she is often labeled as “just a bitter birthmother.” An adopted person’s well-stated views are given more value.

    Your support for first mothers has been validating and kind.

    Liked by 1 person


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