Unintended Reminder

12 May

Do you remember word games people would use to pass the time on long drives? Word games about if you could talk to a famous person from the past, who would you want to meet and why?

Today, on twitter, someone asked the question of “I never met ___________. Who have you never met?”

Easy to answer for just about anyone; a fun game to play to pass the time, nothing wrong with that at all. It’s a great ice breaker, conversation starter, time waster.

It can also remind us of who we never met, or will have the chance to meet; and it didn’t bother me much other than the zing inside making me aware, but I’m so far down the path of life that my callouses run deep. It’s also not just adopted folk that could be reminded of never meeting their parents, or even anyone they are related to, folks from all walks of life may also hear that and instantly go to whoever they should have known, but didn’t. And I’m not saying the author of that twitter thread did anything wrong, he didn’t, it’s just one more layer that goes unnoticed by many in the world.

And please, don’t pretend that because open adoptions are common now, that there aren’t adopted children growing up today that will never meet someone they should have always known, whether a parent, grandparent, sibling, or any family member at all. And the reason being, we aren’t allowed to know who we were, just who we became.


Posted by on May 12, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “Unintended Reminder

  1. Lara/Trace

    May 12, 2021 at 3:55 pm

    Brilliant you. I just lost an uncle I never met. The last remaining sibling of my never-met birthmother. Not easy to even relate to this side of my tree. But he has a daughter I am connecting to… pretty often, but the road is paved with hazards.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      May 12, 2021 at 4:08 pm

      I’m so sorry for your loss, a loss that’s hard to explain to others if you never had a relationship, something that just hangs there. It’s all sorts of weird, you should mourn, want to mourn, but how, at least that’s my experience.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lara/Trace

        May 14, 2021 at 9:49 pm

        I really don’t feel a sense of grief. Hard to admit. I feel more anger than grief.


        • TAO

          May 15, 2021 at 1:23 pm

          Ambiguous loss, it leaves its mark wherever it appears.

          Liked by 1 person


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