PAL Suggestion

I have a suggestion for an addition to Positive Adoptive Language (PAL). Yes, me, the one who dislikes most of the required language, but maybe this request will spur an update and be inclusive of all parties to adoption (excluding adoption service providers), who knows, but it needs a good overhaul and what better time to start the conversation than now.

 

Was adopted or Is adopted – which is right?

Since I came on-line I’ve read countless comments by adoptive parents who don’t want their child defined by adoption and being adopted (oh the horrors). Positive Adoption Language supports that being defined by being adopted is a very bad thing with Is Adopted being bad and Was Adopted being good or positive, it was just an event after all.

 

Grumpy rant

I’m old and most days can easily become grumpy at the drop of a hat. That happened yesterday on a comment thread on NYT’s FB post of an article. My grumpiness wasn’t over the article, it was good, it was because the PAL crowd got terribly upset in a how dare you way and we demand you fix it, and fix it now (which the NYT did)

Their issue in the headline: Given up for adoption… 

 

Dear Adoption Professionals…

I know how conscientious you are about promoting Positive Adoption Language, or PAL.  You speak in different venues about the need to use the correct language, so others will too.  The need to educate others about it.  It appears to be working because both prospective and adoptive parents write posts about PAL, correct others by replying to them using the correct terms you provided to them.

 

Tired of adopted adults being referred to as children…

I read the article below, and my first thoughts were – they are a wee-bit late with their offers of help, and pronouncing they know best how an adoption search should happen in Illinois.  Then my thoughts wandered from why now three years after the law restored the right for adoptees to receive their original birth certificate, to, who do they think they are.  (read the article first).

 

Language…

So I was reading several posts about Postitive Adoption Language and how people must correct those who use Negative Adoption Language and so on and so forth…be aware I am in an insomiac phase right now so let that be a warning that I am rather bitchy today (not that I am not most days but)…

PAL = Were adopted or Was Adopted;   NAL = Am adopted.

So if we want to do it right we adoptees must, according to the “PAL” police experts say we “were” adopted or I “was” adopted.  Now, being happy little people pleasing adoptees we should comply, right?  No more of the “I “am” adopted” as we don’t want to upset those “in the know“. 

But just to be completely clear by using the PAL “Adoption” is a ONE TIME EVENT, and that we “were” adopted, to me that means being adopted no longer applies so based on that concept, we should have access to our OBC’s just like all the other people.  If that is the case I would be happy to use that terminology as it ensures that seeing as I “was” adopted and not “am” adopted, I am no longer “less than“, rather I am “equal to“.  So perhaps the adoption lobbyists should get right on switching from opposing our rights to fighting for our rights and changing the legislation.  Let me know when that happens then I will consider changing my language – until then good luck with that. 

Oh and by the way – have you ever heard a biological child say they “were” the biological child or I “was” biological child?  Now I have heard them say they “are” a biological child or I “am” the biological child… 

PAL = Born to unwed Mother;   NAL = Illegitimate. 

This has me scratching my head wondering if they actually realize that the definition of illegitimate is “born to unwed mother”?  I personally don’t think it is anyones business and if questioned, just ignore it as one of those rude questions.  I know some adoptees hate the word illegitimate and that is their right to use what works for them. 

But honestly, do the people promoting PAL really think people are stupid enough not to get the fact that we are illegitimate if they use a four word description instead of one word?  Give me a break.  Your little adoptee is going to come home one day and ask what illegitimate or bastard means, so all your PC words really won’t help protect your child.  In reality being truthful and honest might make it not such a shock to be called a bastard or illegitimate on the playground. 

PAL = Made an adoption plan;   NAL = Surrendered for adoption

To me, telling your child that his mother loved him so much she made an adoption plan is the same as telling your child that anyone who loves him will leave him.  I’ll take she had no other choice but to surrender you for adoption over the adoption plan any day. 

I also wonder how the adoptees who were told their mother made an adoption plan and are happily blogging about how wonderful adoption is will feel…don’t you think it will be like a slap in the face?

And finally I have heard that “adult adoptee” is out and “adopted adult” or “adult who was adopted” is the proper terminology.

So I will assume the same applies to children…no more adoptees, rather, adopted child or child who was adopted, are now the terms?  Why not call them the “grafted child” or “grown in my heart child” – I’m kidding…

How about everyone just stop and instead let us determine what the right language is for ourselves?  You know the whole identity thing?  If we aren’t allowed to be who we are then what’s the point? 

Sorry, just really grumpy…