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It’s time to start the conversation…

15 Jul

By TAO

Whenever there is a post, or article, that speaks to anything other than being a “positive adoption story” many in adoption community get upset.  It seems as if the mindset or requirement is that:

ADOPTION IS ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL AND DON’T YOU DARE SAY OTHERWISE!

When people in the adoption community only talk about the positive, the beautiful, then they fail the child most of all.  Not all the children failed by that mindset suffer the extreme fate of Hana, who Maureen at “Light of Day Stories” speaks of in her post below, I talked about a different case here, and abuse and not talking about it here, but we all fail the children adopted when we choose not listen to, or talk about, both the good and the bad in adoption.

Children adopted deserve better, it’s that simple.

Please go over and read Maureen’s post with an open mind to the realities of what happens when everyone fails the child, comment on the post and ask her questions, because her knowledge is greater than ours.  Then go start the conversation in your own group, and send them to read Maureen’s post – it’s the right thing to do.

Reflections on Hana: Acknowledging the Failure of the Adoption Community she ends the post with this comment:

In the meantime, let’s have the courage to look at our failures, to work genuinely together in the adoption community to keep children safe, and to speak out about the need for change.”

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4 Comments

Posted by on July 15, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “It’s time to start the conversation…

  1. eagoodlife

    July 15, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    At last – people in the adoption community, other than adult adoptees, talking about the realities of adoption!!

    Like

     
  2. necessarygrace

    July 15, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    I live in WA state and I hadn’t heard anything about this story; this ought to be first-page news. I agree, we need to talk about the tough stuff – especially with those considering adoption. There’s too much invested in glossy brochures and not enough in real preparation and support. Thanks for linking this Tao, it’s important and needs to be talked about.

    Like

     
  3. kendracyrus007

    July 17, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Very true! Adoption isn’t always all sunshine and roses. The system needs a change and the children need to be the ones the focus is on.

    Like

     
  4. anna

    July 24, 2013 at 6:03 am

    Divide and rule is the age-old tactic of adoption promoters and the adoption industry. By dividing adopted people into two discrete groups, the happy and the “ungrateful”, the adoption industry seeks to prevent unity in adopted people as a whole. They don’t want adopted people to unite and oppose the secondary status, inequality and exploitation of all adopted people, happy or not. Yes, this is “only” my opinion, as happy adoptees usually feel compelled to point out. But it is my opinion, and I am entitled to it, surely. When adoptees say “I am proud to be a happy adoptee” I am puzzled as to what it really is they are actually proud of. This group often comes across to me as particularly lacking in compassion for other adopted people who have been very badly damaged by adoption. To my mind, it shows how successful the divide and rule tactic has been historically, and still is. It’s used to stop adopted people focusing their energy on challenging the instituion as a whole. Adopted people have been forced to adapt to the romance of adoption and the cultural pressure to portray themselves as happy adaptees has been immense; it is very hard to throw that kind of conditioning off, though it is possible and perhaps necessary if progress is ever to be made.

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