Missing Pieces

I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.

Where was I before I was adopted?

Did I stay in hospital the whole time?

Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?

How was I treated, wherever I was?

Who cared for me?

Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?

Or was I given something to keep me quiet?

And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?

Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?

Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?

Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?

 

Revisiting the post Revolving cradles

Seeing as Safe Haven has become a point of interest to many, thought it time to repost this post (below) on Revolving Cradles. Skim parts of this post if you must, but pay attention to what they figured out worked better than Revolving Cradles (now called Save Haven Boxes) across Europe in the mid 1800’s.

Revolving cradles…

 

Adoption Agencies Must Do Better Than This

I’m struggling writing this in anything close to a cohesive post so you have my apologies in advance and if I get anything wrong, I’ll fix it and apologize again. According to the article linked below, my reading is that adoption may be the best thing ever for a child because adoption agencies and a adoption law firm say as much when you only look at the quotes the author pulled from one of their articles on their website. And only one of the linked articles speaks to any of the challenges adoptees have to process, adjust to, and hopefully move through (or not), and that post I read in full came from a website called aptparenting.com. I read it because I’d never heard of them.

The rest of the quotes in the article linked below came from posts from Adoption Agencies and a Law Firm that also does adoptions. I have chosen to link to the posts the quotes come from, but not use the words quoted in the article.

And as you read the article linked below, notice that not a single Adoptee Voice was to be heard in an article about Adoptees.

 

1977 – Congressional Hearing

Apparently, babies were in short supply for people wanting to adopt post abortion becoming legal in 1973. Which, according to the testimony in the Congressional Hearing linked below brought on a new version of Black Market Adoption. I don’t have the time or energy to type up quotes other than the opening statement by Mr. Hyde, maybe I’ll do another post later. Link to the Congressional Hearing below.

 

No, We are fully human.

“WHAT ARE THE PROS AND CONS OF A CLOSED ADOPTION?”

“You have a lot to consider when deciding between a closed and open adoption. So, it’s important that you understand the pros and cons of choosing a closed adoption.”

“If you are leaning toward this type of adoption, here are some benefits that you may experience when working with closed adoption agencies.”

“A closed adoption may create more privacy in your life. The adoptive family and child will agree not to reach out to the prospective birth mother unless she allows it (and vice versa).” (bolding mine)

 

Adoption Needs A Makeover

It’s time for adoption to stop being a marketplace and to return to it’s roots where it was an option of last resort, but only after every other option had failed. And yes, I can see people get upset with the term marketplace, so lets talk about it, because, it is the reality today.

 

Words and Adoption (2017)

Platitudes, knee-jerk reactions followed by gas-lighting were topics on my Twitter-feed this morning, the latter two were words from MerriamWebster (follow them, they’re great).  All three happen to be part of the landscape of adoption-land that each person faces happening to them at some point.

 

Yet Another Agency…

“Modern adoption is not what it was many years ago. It is no longer a secretive subject. Most children who were adopted now know about their adoption story. In fact, most adoptions today are open or semi-open adoptions, meaning they know their biological parent(s) in some capacity. About 90 percent of children in an open adoption report having positive feelings about their circumstance. Their parents are encouraged by adoption professionals to speak about adoption, share age-appropriate information, and celebrate their child’s unique story of being loved by two families instead of one.” source

 

Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Originally posted 21 Sept 2015

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…

She’s not ready to adopt…

It takes a lot of empathy, being able, and willing, to see all the different sides in adoption. To see the trauma the other sides go through, so you get what you want most, a baby. Some people never get there, and that’s okay, provided they don’t adopt.

To me, to be ready to be adoptive parents, it takes…

 

Didn’t sleep well last night.

Woke up in a mood you could politely say was cranky, that mood was because yesterday was a terrible day for women in the USA, a day foretelling the very real possibility of Roe v. Wade being struck down. And yes, I understand that the states could enact their own laws re abortion, but even if some states do, other states won’t and it will leave many without recourse, let alone a real choice, and yes, many women will have no choice but adoption.

 

Happy Adoption Month, you just lost your child you wanted to parent – isn’t adoption beautiful?

Adoption can be hard and ugly for fathers and their families who want nothing to do with domestic infant adoption.  Those fathers and their families are struggling with the loss of a family member to adoption, an adoption that is not wanted, desired, or needed.  The same fathers who face expensive up-hill legal battles to parent their own child in a system that can take years for any resolution.

 

Great post…

Please go to Rileys in Uganda link below and read the Q&A post with David Smolin  It’s about his session with Jedd Meddefind at CAFO conference.

Guest Post: David Smolin Shares his experience as a speaker at this years Christian Alliance for Orphan (CAFO) summit.