I’m back – did you miss me?

I’ve been unusually quiet lately because I’ve been trying to sort out the waves of feelings I’ve had over the moves by some states to install safe haven boxes; that seems to be the newest way to get babies for adoption now, it’s also a dream come true for some people wanting to adopt, no pesky birth parents to worry about, no open adoption, no updates, visits, fears about the child wanting their parents by birth over their adoptive parents.

 

Canadian Reunion Story – 2021

Your typical story about boy meets girl, they date, she gets pregnant and they chose adoption for their son.

The difference than most is they did the adoption together, and the father also signed off on the relinquishment. They also stayed together, got married and had three more sons. To read the rest of their story, you’ll need to take the time to go read it at the link below.

 

More Thoughts on The Baby Box Legislation

I can’t stop thinking about the safe haven baby box legislation in Indiana and how archaic and wrong-headed it seems to be. Wrong-headed that the state may not even know it has another citizen it is responsible for as babe’s guardian, as it’s optional whether or not to tell the state, or they can just contact an adoption agency when a baby is left in a safe haven box. When there is no documentation of the babe to even give to the state other than the baby was left in a safe haven box, let alone provide the merest bits of knowledge of where and who brought the babe into the world, they are just left with the fact they were left in a box to tell the child – it sure seems both archaic and dehumanizing at the same time.

 

From 2016: My Story…

My Story…

 

Ancestry and so much more…

I was going to do a post on Identity, but then, I stumbled on the story below that is more fascinating than anything I’d have to say.

 

Layers

Lately, I’ve felt that there really isn’t a point of trying to make adoption more ethical, or rare. Nor of making people think about the adoptee experience – both growing up, and living a life filled with blank spaces. Blank spaces that can never be filled, questions that will always remain unanswered.

 

Another Adoption Service Provider seems to not know Adoption History.

“Once upon a time–we’re talking about the years up to the early ’80s-–secrecy and lies was the name of the game in adoption.”

“This is how it worked: Expectant parents who had “out-of-wedlock” babies were forced to give them away and then told to go on with their lives without knowing what became of their children.”

“Adoptive parents were expected to raise the children “as their own” without ever mentioning where they came from. And the children themselves had no idea about anything until the truth would accidentally slip out. Sometimes it would come directly from the adoption record. Other times it would come out as part of their parents’ deathbed confession.”

“Finally, they would have answers to the questions that gnawed at them their entire lives:”

• “Why don’t I look like my parents?”
• “Why am I so different from the rest of my family?”
• “Why are my parents so uncomfortable about talking about my birth?”

The above is from an Adoption Service Provider…America Adopts

 

Bits and Bobs

Also known as Odds and Ends on this side of the pond.

First Up: The other day I went on Ancestry to see if there was any new hints in my main trees; ended up deciding I’d finally try to do Mom’s tree again. I’d obviously forgotten why I’d given up doing that tree in-depth, and I soon realized the error of trying to do a tree based in England, that also included branches in the USA, Canada and Australia. Nonetheless, I decided it was now or never, also, I needed it done to show someone on ancestry they were wrong with who they listed as the Matriarch of mom’s family.

 

Secrets Part Two

Most who have been here for awhile know CB, she made a comment on the post Secrets. A comment that expands on different comments made on the WAPO article that I wrote about in the above post, and one in particular from an AP. (that was hard to explain without me ending up confused.) Anyway…

 

Feelings

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac passed away yesterday, another great from the era of Rock & Roll. Memories were instantly evoked of long gone yesterdays. Days when I was struggling so hard with all those adoption feelings that were never spoken aloud, the angst felt, the anger of what was and the feelings of abandonment so strong. The drives I went on after getting off work at night, just driving with the tunes cranked and the windows down helped kept me alive.

I still have those feelings of abandonment at times and expect I always will.

I still have trust issues when it’s personal.

I still doubt I’m worthy of being loved.

Adoption has it’s place but it should be exceedingly rare, and only when every other option has been fully explored, because the price paid over a lifetime is too high.

Rest in Peace Christine McVie.

 

Missing Pieces

I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.

Where was I before I was adopted?

Did I stay in hospital the whole time?

Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?

How was I treated, wherever I was?

Who cared for me?

Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?

Or was I given something to keep me quiet?

And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?

Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?

Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?

Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?

 

AP’s need to be educated before they adopt.

Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…