Tag Archives: truth
I was going to do a post on Identity, but then, I stumbled on the story below that is more fascinating than anything I’d have to say.Read the rest of this entry »
Lately, I’ve felt that there really isn’t a point of trying to make adoption more ethical, or rare. Nor of making people think about the adoptee experience – both growing up, and living a life filled with blank spaces. Blank spaces that can never be filled, questions that will always remain unanswered.Read the rest of this entry »
“Once upon a time–we’re talking about the years up to the early ’80s-–secrecy and lies was the name of the game in adoption.”
“This is how it worked: Expectant parents who had “out-of-wedlock” babies were forced to give them away and then told to go on with their lives without knowing what became of their children.”
“Adoptive parents were expected to raise the children “as their own” without ever mentioning where they came from. And the children themselves had no idea about anything until the truth would accidentally slip out. Sometimes it would come directly from the adoption record. Other times it would come out as part of their parents’ deathbed confession.”
“Finally, they would have answers to the questions that gnawed at them their entire lives:”
- “Why don’t I look like my parents?”
- “Why am I so different from the rest of my family?”
- “Why are my parents so uncomfortable about talking about my birth?”
The above is from an Adoption Service Provider…America AdoptsRead the rest of this entry »
Also known as Odds and Ends on this side of the pond.
First Up: The other day I went on Ancestry to see if there was any new hints in my main trees; ended up deciding I’d finally try to do Mom’s tree again. I’d obviously forgotten why I’d given up doing that tree in-depth, and I soon realized the error of trying to do a tree based in England, that also included branches in the USA, Canada and Australia. Nonetheless, I decided it was now or never, also, I needed it done to show someone on ancestry they were wrong with who they listed as the Matriarch of mom’s family.Read the rest of this entry »
Most who have been here for awhile know CB, she made a comment on the post Secrets. A comment that expands on different comments made on the WAPO article that I wrote about in the above post, and one in particular from an AP. (that was hard to explain without me ending up confused.) Anyway…Read the rest of this entry »
Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac passed away yesterday, another great from the era of Rock & Roll. Memories were instantly evoked of long gone yesterdays. Days when I was struggling so hard with all those adoption feelings that were never spoken aloud, the angst felt, the anger of what was and the feelings of abandonment so strong. The drives I went on after getting off work at night, just driving with the tunes cranked and the windows down helped kept me alive.
I still have those feelings of abandonment at times and expect I always will.
I still have trust issues when it’s personal.
I still doubt I’m worthy of being loved.
Adoption has it’s place but it should be exceedingly rare, and only when every other option has been fully explored, because the price paid over a lifetime is too high.
Rest in Peace Christine McVie.
I think one of the hardest aspects to accept is knowing my missing pieces, will always be missing.
Where was I before I was adopted?
Did I stay in hospital the whole time?
Or was I moved to a foster home as I was told?
How was I treated, wherever I was?
Who cared for me?
Was I just left in a crib to cry it out?
Or was I given something to keep me quiet?
And if yes, is that why I cried non-stop for months if not held?
Why did the state not have a non-identifying report for me?
Why did the story given to mom and dad not match the story my aunt told me decades later?
Why does it all matter so much to me many decades later now that I’m on the downhill side of life?
Yesterday, my old post on “The Chosen Child” showed up in the stats, a post from way back in 2011, one that was a 5 video series from the 1960’s in NY on adoption and adopting that I’d found on YouTube. YouTube isn’t a place I go to except for music, but thought maybe there were videos worth sharing. So I went to look and landed on a page with a video by an Adoptive Mother about 5 Things She Didn’t Know About Adoption before she’d adopted that she wanted to share. She seemed pleasant enough, so I sat through her discussing the 5 things she’d wished she’d known before adopting. Below isn’t what she said, just my scribbled one-liners of each point she talked about. I’m not linking to it as it appears she’s written a book all about it, which seems to be the reason for the video…Read the rest of this entry »
Seeing as Safe Haven has become a point of interest to many, thought it time to repost this post (below) on Revolving Cradles. Skim parts of this post if you must, but pay attention to what they figured out worked better than Revolving Cradles (now called Save Haven Boxes) across Europe in the mid 1800’s.
Post from 2013 that was very personal for me to write, and one that I think is worth reposting now so people adopting today, and in the future, will try to walk in the shoes of the first family too. Also, read the comments on the post linked below, because they complete the picture I tried to paint.Read the rest of this entry »