Daily contradictions in a life filled with complicated realities. Painful memories have been triggered by the news that push to intrude into my mind instead of staying firmly in the past. Simple welcome memories that pop into my head that bring me joy in the middle of a mundane task in one moment, to fear of what lies ahead, to sheer awe at what someone did, sometimes even for me. Days when I’m caught unaware by a rush of nostalgia that washes over me sparked by a simple object or picture that caught my eye, quickly dampened by the collision of other memories and knowledge of that time intruding to remind me that life really wasn’t that simple, or good. Read the rest of this entry »
Category Archives: biological child
Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents. Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions. Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »
I often search for quotes on a topic, find one that resonates and then read about the person who said it. It’s an interesting and enlightening way to learn about people. This morning, I started with Origins, then Wisdom, then decided I’d try to find an Adoption quote that didn’t try to make adoption better than biological families, wasn’t wrapped up in destiny, wasn’t magical, pre-ordained, or mystical, just something you’d expect from a normal conversation from someone in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
Dad is often in my mind and this week has been no different. He didn’t suffer fools easily, had few words, but gave far more of himself to his family and community than he ever received in return. Now days, I think of him often when I read about the grief of infertility and how it is hard to go to baby showers, and see others create families without any apparent struggle.
I think of the grace and strength that dad had every single day, because you see, he was the man who delivered babies, many babies, over many decades, some at home, some in hospital.
When an adopted child is misbehaving or acting out and the parents ask other adoptive parents why, they are often told that biological children do this too. I understand that they mean children who are raised in their biological families misbehave or act out too. That whatever is happening is typical as the child moves through the different cognitive stages to test out boundaries and have shifts in emotions. Read the rest of this entry »
Why is it such a shock that a mother (and father) who chose adoption would grieve for what they lost? I see posts about the birthmother is grieving, and the one I just read – not grieving appropriately, as if, for your comfort, she needs to grieve in a defined way, in a defined linear line, oh, and it can’t make you uncomfortable. Read the rest of this entry »
Because of my personality, quirks, whatever you want to call it, I like lists that are presented as factual, to actually be true. Famous Adoptee lists generally aren’t. I’m using this one because it’s handy (out of so many different posts with lists on this subject). So here is my “list” of what the problem is when people use lists of Famous Adoptee Lists followed by fact checking of the list…
When I was a teen (way, way back when) and I was struggling with all the complicated, and contradictory feelings of what being adopted meant (no one knew I had those feelings), I decided that only those adopted, should adopt. It made sense in my teen mind that it would be much better if only those who had lived it, adopted, so the young one would have an adult who could understand.
This is a completely different type of post and how I have written it, is based both on what I have read that made sense to me from adoptive parents who’ve been in the process a long time, and thoughts from my experience. Hope it gives others reading a few more things to think about.
So, I was reading this post today, not a bad article in general, but the distancing language made it clear to me, that the genetic link wasn’t to be considered a familial link, just genetic, and while it could be important, how important was it really. The last sentence in the quote below, just seem disingenuous in a post about donor conception and families and whether or not the genetic link is important.
“Throughout the history of mankind—the history of families—genetic lineage has mattered. But are we currently in a post-genetic age? We now know that two unrelated people share 99 percent of their DNA in common.”
Apparently, times have changed and no one sent me the memo…that the statement below is hurtful and ignorant…according to those on Adoption: Share the Love Facebook page.
“Adoption is a great option…but only in cases where there are no capable and willing biological parents.”
What I take from that, is that if that saying is hurtful, or ignorant, some actually think it’s perfectly fine to give your baby away…even though you are capable (ability and means to raise a baby) and willing (want to parent to that child)…