It’s time for adoption to stop being a marketplace and to return to it’s roots where it was an option of last resort, but only after every other option had failed. And yes, I can see people get upset with the term marketplace, so lets talk about it, because, it is the reality today.Read the rest of this entry »
Category Archives: biological child
“GRAND RAPIDS, MI – The attorney for a couple whose adopted 3-year-old son is at the center of a legal fight told state Supreme Court justices that the family is the only one he knows.Read the rest of this entry »
wrote this back in 2011…and what seems to be happening now made me remember it.
They came for our mothers, targeted one by one,
Society was their army, always present, always willing to condemn,
Words of shame and threats of what will the neighbors think were the only weapons needed then.
Our families sent our mothers away to protect the family name from public shame.
Stories fabricated why their daughters were sent away all done to protect their precious family name.
Our mothers went to maternity homes or distant relatives far, far away.
They told our mothers were how unworthy, shameless, and immoral they truly were,
Told adoption was their only salvation, and if they truly loved us they would give us away,
That babies deserved a mother and a father, not a poor unwed shameful mother.
They drugged and strapped our mothers down when their labor time was near,
They posted signs warning others – stay away, stay away, B.F.A…don’t you dare come near.
Not allowed to hold us, some not told they had a boy or girl, and even some that we had died.
Mothers told to go back home and carry on and hold your head up high,
Never speak of it, keep it secret, find a man get married and have another,
And today’s society still denies the damage caused to our mothers during the time now called The Baby Scoop Era.
I was born one winter day, taken to the nursery, cared for, yet unloved, and never named.
No one there to celebrate my birth and on day four I too became a ward, yet another Baby For Adoption, one of millions, nothing special, nothing more.
Two months later I became someone new, named, a new mother, father too, and a brand new ABC – falsified to hide my illegitimate shame.
Yet that day, I also lost my mother, my father, my family too, long before I could give voice to my feelings and desires.
That day I also lost my right to know who I was the day I was born, or get my OBC when I was older – at least that is until the day the court deemed I too had good cause to know my history,
Still the victory is hollow, the price is far too high, and yet still others have gone, and others will go to their graves, still denied.
As babies we were so valuable, bargained for, advertised for, coveted, prayed for, paid for…
Told we were special, chosen, loved, lucky, cherished, theirs forever more!
That our mothers loved us so much that they willing gave us away to have “two” parents, not just the “one” mother we most desired.
Now as adults we are told our rights don’t matter – that our mothers are afraid and live in secret fear – that their shameful past will be uncovered,
That we will “out them”, and “cause harm beyond repair”, and just to add more guilt and fear upon us – that we will hurt our other parents too!
That our mothers will not want to know us, or know we are alive, okay, or even that we may live right next door…
So I ask society and the adoption industry too – which story you tell is true, that our mothers loved us so much we were willing given away…
Or that they don’t love us and we make them so afraid, that one day we will come knocking, and that we might even want to know them too!
I was always told you cannot have it both ways, so from that I can only conclude – the adoption industry lies and I want to know which story is really true…
And now I see the signs that they are coming for unwed mothers once again, and in my heart I know it’s their healthy white babies which are the long sought-after prize…
Did they not learn from history that what they did was wrong, that the pain they caused never ever truly ends?
But to some it seems there is no price too high when babies are the goal, do they really have no shame to even consider bringing back the infamous Baby Scoop Era – yet again?
From 2018 – The lie always finds the light in the end
While this post has nothing to do with adoption, it has everything to do with adoption and learning the moral of the story, that the lie always rises to the surface one day.
I’ve lost faith that most private adoption (DIA and DYI/DIA) will ever change to be child centered. Based on what I see, there seems to be little to no rigor in requiring people wanting to adopt be of a certain caliber, or have the ability to step outside of their wants, as long as they can tick specific boxes they get their homestudy approved, regardless if they are AP material or not. And when that happens only the industry wins, the child surely doesn’t.Read the rest of this entry »
Originally posted 21 Sept 2015
Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…
She’s not ready to adopt…
It takes a lot of empathy, being able, and willing, to see all the different sides in adoption. To see the trauma the other sides go through, so you get what you want most, a baby. Some people never get there, and that’s okay, provided they don’t adopt.
To me, to be ready to be adoptive parents, it takes…Read the rest of this entry »
It isn’t okay to say “family has come out of the woodwork” when you are hoping to adopt the child you’ve been fostering.
It just isn’t.Read the rest of this entry »
I had an exchange with a friend the other day. A friend who is an ally of adoptees and believes in the adoptee’s right to the original birth certificate. But sometimes we forget to explain why a non-discriminatory bill should be the only end goal. I’m not an expert in this area. Nor have I done the hard work that is required to achieve that goal state by state. I haven’t been actively involved in the process, nor would I know when to fold your cards and try again another year. My only role is to encourage others to support clean adoptee rights bills, amplify their message, talk to people and urge them to contact their legislator in support of its passage.Read the rest of this entry »
They are creating a pilot for a new comedy, I’m sure it will be swell seeing as it’s about a family that adopts a child. Apparently, it’s based on a true life story told by one of the older biological children in the family. Read the rest of this entry »
“People will not look forward to posterity, who never looked backward to their ancestors” ~ Edmund Burke [1729-97]
Daily contradictions in a life filled with complicated realities. Painful memories have been triggered by the news that push to intrude into my mind instead of staying firmly in the past. Simple welcome memories that pop into my head that bring me joy in the middle of a mundane task in one moment, to fear of what lies ahead, to sheer awe at what someone did, sometimes even for me. Days when I’m caught unaware by a rush of nostalgia that washes over me sparked by a simple object or picture that caught my eye, quickly dampened by the collision of other memories and knowledge of that time intruding to remind me that life really wasn’t that simple, or good. Read the rest of this entry »
Mixed adoption conversations, whether it is another adoptee, a first mom or adoptive mom that bluntly asks, or hints at wanting to know if: a) you’re grateful, b) if you love your parents, c) if you’d choose to be adopted, d) who you consider to be your real parents. Now, most aren’t that blunt, but it seems like most want to know the answers to those questions. Almost as though, how you answer those questions / tell your story determines whether they will listen to what you have to say, or write you off, there is no middle of the road, it’s either/or, and it’s wrong. Read the rest of this entry »