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Parenting after adoption for mothers…

13 Jul

By TAO

After I found out that my mother had already passed away, and had found my relatives – I heard bits and pieces that my mother had been a very stern, and exacting mother, but the exact opposite as a grandmother.  No one who was in her life seemed to make any correlation between loosing me, and how she parented her kept children, or why her true loving nature came out with her grandchildren.

Having grown up feeling the opposite side of the loss, compounded by the loss of my son, and how that had affected my future decisions – even though we never met, I will go to my grave believing I know why she parented her kept children as she did.  Fear of losing them too, combined with her shame of losing me.

Another price paid by mothers, neither family, nor society, understands the psychological impact of the first loss to adoption, on how you act and react for the rest of your life. Yesterday, I read a post that makes my belief about why my mother acted the way she did all that much stronger. 

Claud at “Musings of the Lame” has written her story with other mother’s stories and quotes woven in – of what it was like to be pregnant, give birth, and parent after losing their first to adoption.  It’s a powerful piece over at “What To Expect“.  I urge you to go and read and understand just a little bit better on what it can be like.

Being Pregnant After I Relinquished My First Baby to Adoption

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1 Comment

Posted by on July 13, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

One response to “Parenting after adoption for mothers…

  1. gooddaytocry

    July 14, 2013 at 6:27 am

    yes i lost my daughter to adoption i begged and pleaded to keep her. then got to hear a plethera of reasons that they had to take her and none of them true or logical. when a person experiences extreme trauma with no logical reason for this trauma, they have difficulty processing normal behaviors from that point. because authoritative illogical people caused trauma, when i met other hell raisers of similar punitive stance, i did what they demanded even if i disagreed. i was scared to death insane christians would take my other children under illogical guise as they did my first. i also watched my kids like a hawk. this had to two fold effect. they had a hover mom, but they also were not accosted while being carelessly attended to.

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