PAL Question

14 Jun

I was browsing through Adoption posts this morning with similar PAL phrasing and was struck by how awkward “my child, who was adopted” sounds. To me, it highlights the child’s adoption status in a look at me, look at him way, that “my adopted child” doesn’t.

So I’m asking you my friends (or strangers) to weigh in on such an important question of the day. 🙂

Feel free to tell me I’m wrong, right, or what you think it should be assuming adoption is relevant to the statement being made.

Wishing all a good day.


Posted by on June 14, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , ,

13 responses to “PAL Question

  1. Dannie

    June 14, 2021 at 3:30 pm

    I try to only use the term ‘adopted’ in front of my kid if it’s pertinent to the conversation. Otherwise it sounds weird. Not sure if that’s what you are asking but how I understood it. For example if I’m talking medical information and unknown stuff I may say that my daughter is adopted and therefore that’s why I don’t know certain things and where do I go from there? Vs my daughter who was adopted promoted from 6th grade. Idk my kids are both mine even if one is adopted and may have more layers of parenting involved. Also if my kid did something good or bad they are my kid not my adopted kid as if somehow the child of my loins would behave better 🤦🏻‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      June 14, 2021 at 4:41 pm

      My daughter is adopted sounds more normal than My daughter, who was adopted…

      Maybe it’s the “was” that makes it stand out.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. beth62

    June 14, 2021 at 6:42 pm

    it is a bit awkward, and unclear
    “my chilld, who was adopted” is this a suggestion for adoptive or first parents to use, or both?

    “my child, who I adopted” “my adopted child” pretty clear

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      June 14, 2021 at 7:20 pm

      It just bothered me. The “was adopted” apparently was my trigger. Also, hadn’t seen it used that way for awhile, maybe some decided it really didn’t make any sense seeing as we are still adopted, until the parents annual our adoptions. Who knows…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Michele Sharpe

        June 14, 2021 at 11:35 pm

        The old English teacher in me says the construction “my daughter, who was adopted” uses the passive voice, so it sounds like double-speak. Passive voice hides the actor in a sentence. Adopted by who?

        On the other hand, “my daughter is adopted” uses “adopted” as an adjective, which sounds less sketchy.

        Liked by 1 person

        • TAO

          June 15, 2021 at 1:27 pm

          Agree with you Michele.


  3. Carly Quinn

    June 14, 2021 at 9:59 pm

    Growing up, I don’t remember ever being called an ‘adopted child’ until my parents adopted kids from Korea, the Philippines, and Mexico. At that point, there became something obviously different about us. I never heard our parents call us anything except ‘our kids’. When people were rude asking ‘how many husbands do you have?’ or ‘which ones are your real kids?’ my mother had this smile that clearly telegraphed what she thought of one’s intellect. She was highly educated and wasn’t one to put up with rude or stupid people. There were times she politely answered honest, true-hearted questions and explained her children were adopted but I never heard her say, my adopted, my child that was adopted, my child, who was adopted. We were her children. In the adopted families I am privy to, I am happy to say it is the same. Their children are their children with no qualifiers. It’s not like we didn’t know we were adopted, but mom always said it was none of their business. (about people who stopped her on the street to quiz her)

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      June 14, 2021 at 10:05 pm

      I don’t think mom or dad said it either, but small town, dad being a doctor, everyone would have to have been daft to think mom had ever been pregnant.

      I do remember one time towards the end of mom’s life when I went with her to condo community center and one lady was struggling to find any similarities between us (there wasn’t) – so mom, or I told her I was adopted.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Carly Quinn

        June 14, 2021 at 10:11 pm

        Our town was also a small town, a farming community. It never occurred to me that most people would realize mom had never been pregnant. I have never thought about that.


  4. Lori Lavender Luz

    June 15, 2021 at 2:08 am

    I put the adoption part on me. I’m a mom via adoption, and my child blah blah…


    • TAO

      June 15, 2021 at 1:25 pm

      That seems better.


  5. momengineer

    June 15, 2021 at 6:16 pm

    I just use daughter. Sometimes I’ll add “We are not biologically related.” if a qualifier is needed. Few people will ask more questions.


  6. L4R

    June 15, 2021 at 9:20 pm

    I’m still adopted. It doesn’t magically disappear after X years. However, often, when other people use phrases like the autistic kid or physically-challenged kid, it puts the challenge before the kid, and it makes it seem like that is all that kid is. So, maybe by not writing adopted child she was trying to show others that it isn’t all her kid is… But, yeah, better phrasing is needed.



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