When I am most troubled I become silent, unable to talk about what I feel. It’s part of my makeup to deal with my feelings privately, to find peace with what has happened. That’s how I dealt with my adoptee feelings as a child, I retreated and mourned privately. Just like I have from this blog after Veronica was returned to her “legal” parents.
Stunned…angry…that anyone could do this to a precious happy child…who didn’t need adoption…
I was thrown back into all the feelings of being adopted – that I believed I had worked through years ago. I thought I was at a place where I could sit and view adoption as it happened around me with a critical lens of been there, done that, felt that, and, I wanted others to recognise that some of us look fine, act fine, but deep down we don’t always feel fine. That it mattered that they understood this for the current adoptees growing up.
I was wrong, those feelings weren’t gone, they were simply buried. The transfer brought them all to the surface. The time since has left me with thoughts swirling in my mind, and, a heavy heart.
Perhaps Veronica won’t have the feelings of not being good enough to keep because she will know her father fought for her for four long heartbreaking years, through countless courts and hearings. That she was wanted enough to be fought for – at least by one of her parents.
Perhaps that knowledge will help her with her self-esteem and search for identity, knowing she was so wanted by her father. That she was his, and worth fighting for all the way to the Supreme Court, and then some.
I hope the above comes true, but what about all the other challenges she will have to deal with as an adoptee, ones she wouldn’t have had to deal with if she wasn’t adopted? What about those added challenges…
But deep down in my heart I still hope she goes home – because biology trumps adoption when there is no good reason for adoption.
People like to show that even in the animal kingdom adoption happens. It does. It’s also rare. It only happens because of a tragedy. Perhaps humans should take its cues from the animal kingdom and return adoption to what it should be – a rarely needed response to a tragedy.
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
Elvis Presley ( 1960 ) Elvis Presley completes his two-year stint is discharged from the US Army. Bank Holiday to Save Banks 5th March ( 1933 ) : To help stop the run on US banks U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt announced a four-day "bank holiday" . All U.S. banks would close effective March 6 to help stop Americans from withdrawing their money […]