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It’s That Day Again…

13 May

We didn’t do Mother’s Day per se, at least not like it’s done today. We’d say Happy Mother’s Day at the breakfast table while eating the breakfast mom cooked.  All Sunday breakfasts were special, we weren’t having oatmeal (or ‘mush’) and fruit for starters, like we had weekday mornings, and it was better than Saturday when we’d get non-sweetened cold cereal (that we saw as a weekly treat) and fruit.  Sunday’s, we’d have either pancakes or waffles (sometimes with hot blueberry sauce for syrup), or eggs and toast and fruit, sometimes even hot fruit on toast (you probably have no idea what that is, or how yummy that was).

Mother’s Day, mom would make the breakfast she wanted, not what we’d clamoured for.  Then Sunday would continue as normal, usually I’d go with Dad to the hospital if he had any patients that needed visiting, then, depending on whether something needed done, we’d all do that, or we’d go to the beach or hiking if the weather was good.

Now, I see the fuss being made about Mother’s Day, and I can’t understand why people get so caught up in a day that has morphed into such a caricature of a day that was originally designed to honor your mother, now just a day to make sure the cut-flower industry survives, the card makers, gift stores, and restaurants too.

Nor do I remember doing any projects in school for it, it was just a day to set aside where you thanked your mom again for what she’d done all-year-long, while still thanking her each time she did something.  I think it’s a multi-generational difference at play.  Having parents who were born before and grew into adulthood during the Depression, they didn’t want or need grandiose monetary acknowledgements of how wonderful they were, they just wanted us to be polite, behave, do our chores and help out.

Watching from the outside looking in on today’s world of Mother’s Day hysteria, I don’t see the attraction.  Seems like it is now simply a day meant to show off we are the best family on the block, group, internet.  A day that also hurts many, for many different reasons, and I’m sorry if you are hurting.  Be kind to yourself tomorrow.

In the adoption world, it’s worse, it’s the ultimate Mommy War, who is the Mommy, and the ridiculous two different days makes it even worse.  And perhaps that’s another reason why mom didn’t want a big deal on Mother’s Day because she had so much empathy for how that day would impact our other Mothers, that she just couldn’t find joy in it and wanted it low-keyed.  Who knows.

Both my mothers have passed away now, but tomorrow, I’ll still say Happy Mother’s Day Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day to my other Mother I never met.

Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers reading this.

 

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12 Comments

Posted by on May 13, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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12 responses to “It’s That Day Again…

  1. shadowtheadoptee

    May 13, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    A few days ago, we went to our local drug store, to pick out cards, for our mothers. Two Mother’s Day cards, and two birthday cards, and those four cards came to a total of $27.98. When the cashier told us the amount, I went into shock. “How much?!” “Seriously?” She was serious. Almost $30 for 4 cards! I don’t get it either. Anyway, Happy Mother’s Day to you TAO.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      May 13, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      I’d be in shock too Shadow – thanks!

      Like

       
  2. Lara/Trace

    May 13, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    I am with you on this, Tao. Every day is mom’s day in Indian Country.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  3. maryleesdream

    May 13, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Yesterday I found her purple velvet jacket in my closet. I was looking for a place to stash the xanax I bought off the dark web. I put them in the pocket.
    Then it was cold, so I wore it to work.
    Today, I smelled the neck, and I could still smell her. She died 9/1/15.
    So it’s mother day. I have 4 wonderful children, but oh Momma, why?

    Like

     
  4. Cindy

    May 14, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    Hugs to all.

    Like

     
  5. Tiffany

    May 15, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    I have said privately to my husband that I would prefer we do away with Mother’s Day. I feel that it holds so many expectations from me, early on with my older daughter- society makes such a giant deal of it now. I learned after a couple of them to expect far less and to be happy with just a normal day together rather than what the media (especially social media) tells me it should be. I am a mama every day, and I don’t get a vacation, so it has just always felt weird to have this one day where I get appreciated as if I can’t be appreciated every day? And really… I mostly just feel like I am simply doing my job.

    I also think it is a very hard day for so many women- my heart is always very heavy for my daughter’s mama that day. So many are hurting on this day, and that is bittersweet for me. I have had my share of hard Mother’s Days, too. It seems to be a day just fraught with pain more than joy.

    Yesterday was one of the nicest Mother’s Days I have had, and we did nothing special at all since we are moving soon and had packing and stuff to do. But what was special was that my girls were especially loving to me, and I enjoyed being told by them that they appreciate me and their excitement over giving me the little handmade gifts they created at school. That was honestly enough for me. (I admit to really loving those handmade gifts- they all become some of my most treasured possessions, and I proudly rock my plastic bead necklace and enjoy my giant plastic star keychain that rattles like crazy.) Per my request, my gift was donations made in my name to a charity, and the girls picked some really good items from the catalogue of charitable options.

    But… my daughter cried over missing her other mom. And I would be surprised (not that I ever would ask) if there were not tears on the other end of that relationship, too. I would be fine with this day going away. Certainly the heavy commercialization of it is just not necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • TAO

      May 15, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      I agree Tiffany. But a lot of the hoopla of today escapes me, so there’s that…good luck moving, only upside is the purging of stuff you no longer need or want.

      Liked by 1 person

       
  6. beth62

    May 17, 2017 at 1:44 pm

    I’m thinking it may be some kind of plot, feels like someone/thing wants to torture me !
    Having post mother’s day anxiety today, you don’t think ‘they’ will try to add another one do you? Have they and I missed the news? It’s still just once a year right? :/

    And who’s friggin bright idea was it to have college graduations and Mother’s day on the same weekend? I’m tellin ya, it’s some kind of evil plot. I feel like I got beat up, hit by a truck, maybe somebody drugged me and pushed me down the stairs and I just don’t remember it 🙂 Both of my ears feel like they are bruised, from the phone. I’m thinking my own children could be trying to kill me. Maybe that’s been the plot allllll along! Ha, I survived, I’m Alive! hahaha

    I paid $8.99 for one card! But I really liked it, it was really detailed and fancy, and said the perfect thing, tricked me, but I’m not doing that again!… my other two mom’s got dollar store cards 🙂 that mom just got lucky I didn’t look at the price FIRST. Everyone was happy. I’m just so damn _____ whatever, so everything, to be able to send my mother, my mom, and my father’s wife/brothers mother/stepmom? a card and give them a call. It’s heavy on both ends, good to hard, none of it’s easy. I’m just happy when I’m able to pick it up, keep moving and make it happen, that hasn’t been the case every year. I won’t beat myself up about that anymore. That chit is heavy.

    My 30+ year old daughter asked for more info and more pictures of hundreds of our great and grand mothers we know about, I was able to give it to her. She wants, seems to need, to know more. She has that ancient mother ache about her. How can I not get emotional about that…

    My 20+ yr old son asked for the detailed grown-up version of the story of my conception/birth/adoption, and wanted to know exactly how it all went down, wanted all the drama and gossip, everything about what his grandparents said, did, had happen. And MY opinion on it all 🙂 He was 6 when we first met everyone, he paid attention to the people, not the past. Now he wants the past. And he listened intently and asked questions. I’m exhausted! But I’m still Alive!

    I’ve decided I’m not going to say a word about this obvious competition of whoever loves the Mom the most gets her the best present. I’m pretty sure it’s not which one I liked the best, but which one impresses all of them the most.
    So for that, for now, I’ll just say, Thank You!
    Suckers!

    Liked by 2 people

     
  7. Lara/Trace

    May 19, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    Tao, please read this story. I don’t have your email. I am incensed at their reporting. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/?utm_source=nl-atlantic-daily-051817

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • TAO

      May 19, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      Ugh – the adopted needed to be added why? You can always dm me on twitter…I sent you one a while ago.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • Lara/Trace

        May 21, 2017 at 2:48 am

        I will check my twitter. I am still aghast at their covering this excuse of a story.

        Like

         
        • TAO

          May 21, 2017 at 3:41 am

          I replied to bump it up…

          Like

           

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