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Not puppets to be used for your cause

22 Aug

Despite that abortion is a pregnancy decision, and adoption is a parenting decision, it seems that in the minds of people, they are indelibly linked, intertwined, if you will.  The rhetoric keeps ramping up trying to make the one adopted, the poster child to stop abortion.  Just the mere thought sends chills down my spine, to be used for a cause, when you are still a child.  This post is about abortion…

Amanda responded to this tweet today that contained a picture of a male protester outside of what I assume is an abortion clinic with a sign stating he was waiting to adopt…

I had opened up twitter to take a mind break from reading the history leading up to Roe v. Wade and one of the first posts was Amanda’s.  The book is a fascinating look back to what led up to the Supreme Court weighing on abortion titled Before Roe v. Wade – Voices that shaped the abortion debate before the Supreme Court’s ruling, by Linda Greenhouse and Reva B. Siegel.  It’s worth reading, it gave me a far better understanding of what groups were involved and their views during that era.  I grew up before Roe v. Wade but I wasn’t old enough to fully understand the fight happening, or that there were different abortion laws in states before Roe.  All I knew was what dad talked about, that back alley abortions harmed, and killed women, and it wasn’t an either/or choice between abortion or adoption for most, it was, either they would get an abortion, or, they would choose to parent or adopt out their baby.

I also found this essay in the New York Times by Waldo L. Fielding, M.D. a retired gynecologist who practiced before Roe v. Wade, titled Repairing the Damage, before Roe published June 3, 2008.

I certainly was never used as an object for such a cause, but other adoptee’s have been, and will be, used in the fight to end abortion, except, even if abortion is made illegal there will still be as many abortions happening every single day.  Just not safe abortions.  Please read the link above Repairing the Damage, before Roe.  That is what will happen to many women in the future if abortion is made illegal.  Women who are poor will be at the highest risk for bad outcomes because they won’t be able to afford the better abortion providers.  Women who are poor and already a mother to several children, will be included in those in the highest risk for either being badly damaged by a back alley abortion, or dead.

Dear people protesting abortion who bring their adopted child with them, or hold up a poster saying you are waiting for a baby to adopt.  Please don’t do it.  Think long-term and the potential for a negative impact on your child, think of what you want your child’s lasting legacy to be, intertwining adoption and abortion means this is all people really give a damn about when it comes to those adopted, to use them further their cause.  The tweet below is from a while ago but the same message was retweeted over and over on the day Steve Jobs passed away, his family grieving their loss, this is what others couldn’t wait to do to him, use him for their cause.

I checked again today on Twitter – the result?  They are still using him for their cause…

Below is one from back in May that links to lifenews story that quotes Steve Jobs wanting to thank his mother and was glad he didn’t end up aborted, yet the next paragraph in his biography makes it clear that his mother and father never intended to abort him, the lifenews story didn’t include that part.  Can anyone not see the potential damage that can cause a child to believe he would have been aborted, except for adoption?  Thankfully I never had that damaging belief told me by mom and dad.  Can you see why I talk about not using the adoption/abortion rhetoric?  Once an adoptee is an adult then they can make a choice whether to advocate for or against abortion – until then, please don’t use them as puppets in your protests…

I hope the day comes when no woman is faced with deciding on abortion.  I don’t want anyone to have to need abortion.  I also want any who do make that decision, to have a safe, clean, medical procedure, not like was described in the essay by Dr. Waldo L. Fielding, M.D..

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12 Comments

Posted by on August 22, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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12 responses to “Not puppets to be used for your cause

  1. Lara/Trace

    August 23, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    shared on twitter – thank you – good writing!

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  2. Beth62

    August 24, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    I just do not believe that Steve Jobs was as stupid as they make him sound, or want him to be.
    I’m sure he would be insulted, like I am, by these stupid comments.
    And we wonder why so many adopted people jump off the bridge.
    I know why, have seen it unfold many times – to get away from asshats who say this stupid crap.

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    • TAO

      August 24, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      Beth- there has been post after post after post about adoptees saved from abortion, some even by adoptive parents or birth parents – all I can say is WTF…

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  3. Beth62

    August 24, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Just because you don’t know you are lying, doesn’t mean you aren’t lying.
    I’ve got enough asshats in real life that say this crap to my face.
    Especially at the churches.
    Makes it hard to “want” to go check out the posts! LOL

    Steve Jobs actually said he wanted to thank his mother for not making him an abortion?
    That’s a strange way to say it is why I was wondering. the language is usually more like I’m glad she didn’t abort me, or glad I wasn’t aborted, or glad she chose adoption over abortion…

    If he did, I am sorry to have not been there to help him navigate thru the fog. I will regret that, if that is what he really said – and meant. Maybe he was afraid of not getting out of that place alive if he didn’t tow the line! btdt!
    I have to wonder why was he there? June 4th, 7pm at Heritage Alliance Church
    Did he want money? Do you know what his purpose was of being there speaking?

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    • TAO

      August 24, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      He wasn’t there, he’d already passed away by then…but that doesn’t stop any of them using him for their cause…

      His biography was interesting…there is also a link somewhere on this blog to an extended newspaper article that was more revealing in many ways than the biography…

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      • Beth62

        August 25, 2015 at 2:00 pm

        Wow.
        They neglected to put the year with the time, place and date. 2015.
        Just, Wow.
        https://lifecollective.io/advokate/events/adoption-awareness-night

        It really bugs me when self proclaimed “Christians” choose to lie, on purpose.
        Christians that use Christ in the same way that they use adopted people for their personal campaigns.
        I mean come on, Don’t lie, it’s one of the big 10.
        And in my opinion can encompass all of the Big 10.
        sad.

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  4. Beth62

    August 24, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    I just took a test to see how much I know about adoption.
    Apparently I don’t know much at all about adoption, certainly not a whiz!

    I did not know that being raised by people other than your biological parents makes you adopted.
    My goodness, that means I have dozens of children I can call my own!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I wonder what their parents have to think about that?? I think I will call and ask some of them, let them know the helpful information that I have learned at Adoption Council.org !
    And no comments about the test, what’s up with that?

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    • TAO

      August 24, 2015 at 8:49 pm

      took it too – so many non-adoptees promoted as adoptees by people who should know better right?

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      • Beth62

        August 25, 2015 at 12:32 pm

        We know that bugs us 🙂 It really does.

        It offends me, as an adoptee.

        And it offends my “adopted son” (who is not adopted) from a different direction.
        He didn’t want adoption and neither did I, not needed, did not sign up for that, fought against it with everything in him, me too. We found another legal way. Now he is an adult, so life is easy!!!! we do what we want.

        I told him according to Adoption Council.org that he was adopted.
        His response: Pffffttt They can’t touch my identity, I am not titled as property and never will be.
        No worries Mz B, not a court in the land that would agree with them.
        He stands strong.

        As for me, I am not a foster daughter, I am not a cousin staying with family, I am not boarding with strangers, I am not.

        I am Adopted.

        And I have, and will pay the huge price, along with reaping any available rewards, to have been adopted – forever.
        It is not the same.
        My parents would surely tell you it is not the same.

        And it puzzles me that people who usually want bio/adopted family to be the same soooooo badly – that you have to have adoption FOR this to happen — point out plainly how adoption and non-adoption is the same.

        Makes me wonder why they want to adopt their foster children, if it’s the same. Why is adoption even needed if it is the same as bringing a non-adopted child into your home as family to care for?
        Guess what, it’s not needed.
        Unless of course you insist that you want adoption to make it be the same as raising a bio child.
        Which many can admit isn’t the same either.

        Have you ever sat in the same room with displaced children/adults who were not adopted and children/adults that were?
        Did it feel the same then??? I think not. There is uneasy fear there, lots of fears, from both groups of humans in the room. And that’s just the “kids”. Check out the room filled with their “parents”….

        They obviously haven’t had as much time to experience adoption and think it thru as I have.
        That’s my guess.
        Plus the adopted parents are throwing away their adoption forever security net, and even the supposed need for adoption at all, by pointing out non-adoptees as adoptees today, imo.

        It’s too confusing for me to follow.

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      • cb

        August 25, 2015 at 2:10 pm

        I did the quizzes (the “popular culture” and “history” ones) ) and that is what irritated me too – they used foster care, stepchildren, older traditional society adoptions as examples of adoption even though they are very different to the post-war Western form. That is why I’ve taken to specifically refer to Western adoption when talking about adoption because it then shows that one is concerned about a specific form of adoption rather than just being against “people being raised by people other than one’s biological parents”.

        In fact, all this actitng as if all types of adoptions are similar can be dangerous – see International Adoption in countries like Ethiopia and also in Polynesian nations – their understanding of adoption is much different to the Western form.

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  5. Beth62

    August 27, 2015 at 11:15 am

    I agree cb, it can be very dangerous.

    Was thinking of adding a new disclosure of some sort after the ‘bite me my parents are great disclosure’.

    One explaining my type of adoption, so everyone will be certain to know what is being said.

    Could be something like – nope, not like moses’, not like jesus’ or ghandi’s, not like in australia or africa or egypt – but a modern-day-currently-closed-sealed-record-american-adoptee, like me and the majority of adoptees in the US.

    (I may be wrong about the majority part? I’d mention the other countries, but am not sure which ones are the same anymore?)

    I am thinking it really needs to be explained somehow, before even entering into a convo with some/many people.

    Guess I would add some more too
    nope my mother did not consider abortion, even hid her pregnancy until it was too late, she wanted to keep me.
    nope
    not a crack baby
    or a rape baby
    or a neglected or abused baby
    or an unwanted baby
    or a baby or a kid now
    my mother simply did not have a husband.

    ug, wonder if they would want a report on my bowel movements or blood pressure, a list of DX’s, my resume and financial report to be able to understand what is being said by this adult human… hope they don’t need to see my OBC to understand it!

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  6. onewomanschoice

    August 27, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    Hi Tao, I dislike the “choose adoption over abortion” as if one is loving and without damage and the other is hateful and very damaging. If I was aborted, which I could have also been, illegally in 1963, being born to a legally married but separated mother but fathered by another man, I remain (in my opinion) in heaven with God resting peacefully. What is so bad about that? I’ve had abortions. They were very early on, about six weeks. I also am a birth mother and a parenting mother. For me, abortion effected me. I had no objections from my contributing baby making partner so there was no battle there of his wants and my wants. We made a mutual decision. However, adoption impacted me, my sons and all the families involved (bio and adoptive). Again there was no objections but the repuccusion of relinquishment for me at least were far greater to bear emotionally and the grieving process and guilt way heavily on my heart and soul even 16 years later and I am one of the “lucky” ones who gets to have a open relationship with my son. Imagine if I had none. I wonder if I would be sitting here typing this comment now. Who knows how this will unfold for my son who was adopted. Only time wil tell.

    Now as for Steve Jobs. His bio mother and father did not want to abort him or relinquish him! In fact, they wanted to get married. But his mother, who was white christian and his father, who was muslim were not met with support and acceptance. Her father was against his daughter marrying the muslim man. When I heard Steve Jobs refer to his bio parents as no more than a sperm and egg donor, I lost much respect. They loved each other and his father wanted to marry his mother and have a family. His father was not a deadbeat who impregnanted some women and then abandoned her. So Steve Jobs was adopted on a technicality and by default because of a racist, prejudice man. And society, because we know that societies views effect our views (at least for some.)

    Good post, good read! I will check out the other reading material you have provided.

    Liked by 1 person

     

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