Day One of the longest month of the year (despite being only 30 days) where we all get to hear how wonderful and downright beautiful adoption is. We’ll see lots of adoption meme’s – some better (or less icky) than others, lots of trite phrases instead of facts or discussions about foster care that the month is actually for; lots of patting each other on the back, but I digress. I was thinking I might try throwing out questions for Adoptees to answer throughout the month, how many responses I’d get is unknown, but I’m giving it a try on Day One…
Adoptees – we all know we process things about being adopted many times throughout our lives; some we weren’t even old enough to remember, others times we do. When we’re older the processing can be triggered by a life event such as giving birth. We also know we can get wrapped up in the loyalty thing and never wanting to hurt our parents and whatnot that can limit us. Today’s question is asking you to think back to what decade of your life did you allow yourself to really go deep into how the hard parts of being adopted had impacted you; and where you also stopped being willing to only feel, show, talk about the good of being adopted? That acceptance and willingness to acknowledge both the hard and good of your adoption (both/and) rather than either/or. Some adoptees call this coming out of the fog, not a phrase I particularly care for, but also apt and an easy way to describe the shift into accepting all being adopted holds, if you think about it, it’s the next stage of processing where you are comfortable enough in yourself to acknowledge that you may have paid a price and, it’s time to nurture you, be angry if you feel that way, find the right space for all adoption is to sit in your consciousness. Hope that made sense.
Note, not saying all adoptees are ever in a “fog” (just don’t like the term, someone give me something better, please), or even ever had challenging feelings about being adopted, or that they even feel they lost anything. You do you, I’ll do me.
Anyway, I created a poll, may not be perfect as it’s early morning – but I’d appreciate if ADOPTEES ONLY took the time to answer.
Adoptees: Do feel free to just leave a comment rather than the poll, or to dive deeper into the subject. Other readers, feel free to chime in, ask questions if you want to, offer questions you’d like posted this month for ADOPTEES ONLY to answer.