Being adopted and finding your community

02 Jun

I’m thrilled to see so many adoptees talking on facebook and twitter, every year there are more and more finding their voices.  Adoptees demanding space in adoption.  Demanding to be heard instead of silenced.  Not taking being told to sit down and be quiet from people who came into the world of adoption as adults, instead finding their community and voice, it all bodes well for the future of adoption.

For any younger adoptees just venturing in to find an adoption community on social media:

Being adopted is a journey, how you feel now may become more complicated or even change completely over the years, it may never change, be open to however you feel at the time – it’s the right way for you.

No one has the right to tell you how you should feel about your family, neither your relationship or feelings for them, or about the fact that they chose to adopt you.  Trust yourself.

None of us feel the same way about being adopted, it’s specific to the journey we’ve travelled.

You are part of the history of adoption, just like we all are.  Learn about adoption history, don’t just accept throw-away statements by others as fact.  Do your own research, learn the good, the bad, the downright ugly that’s part of adoption history.  Learn it as it applies to each group in adoption, understand how the hierarchy in adoption plays out today, how it played out in the past.  Adoption will always need improvement, understand the practices of today and be aware of what still needs to be done better, and if you’re so inclined, speak up.

Above all, listen to many voices, voices from all groups in adoption.  Find voices that offer you inclusion without requiring you to change who you are, what you feel, to be accepted by them.  They will be the community that will be there to walk with you if you need them.  They will be your best support when you need someone to just be there.

I say the above because if I didn’t have both long-time and new friends in the adoption community to be with, talk with, it would lessen the quality of my life, they get me in a way others don’t.  So this is also a shout out to all those who have become part of my community – thank you, you’ve made a difference for me.


Posted by on June 2, 2018 in Adoption


Tags: , ,

18 responses to “Being adopted and finding your community


    June 2, 2018 at 10:44 pm

    Agree! Finding the online adoption community has been the best thing ever!


    • TAO

      June 2, 2018 at 10:50 pm

      Without one it’s really hard sometimes.


    • nannygrannie

      June 30, 2018 at 12:54 am

      Hi…I am adopted and am learning to accept it and all my emotions around this. Could you help me find the online adoption community? LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      • TAO

        June 30, 2018 at 12:58 pm

        Welcome to one small bit of the online adoption community.



        July 8, 2018 at 6:00 pm

        Hi! I would start with blogs like this, and if you’re comfortable, get on twitter. There’s a huge adoptee community on twitter, and they have been very helpful to me. 🙂


  2. Jackie

    June 3, 2018 at 1:21 am

    Yes! They are helpful, and provide encouragement, as well as camaraderie.


    • TAO

      June 3, 2018 at 3:18 am

      Welcome and absolutely – nothing better than being with people who get it.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Jill Daviau

    June 3, 2018 at 2:38 pm

    Finding my adoptee tribe online has been priceless. I just wish the Internet had been around when I was younger.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      June 3, 2018 at 3:36 pm

      You and me both Jill – what a difference it makes.


  4. Pj

    June 4, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    So many truths here, and love this …”listen to many voices”. It’s so important for adoptees to seek ,and speak,our own truth but also to have empathy for others in the triad. It’s not all about us..


    • TAO

      June 4, 2018 at 5:56 pm

      Yes – many voices and no one has the right to tell you your voice is wrong.


  5. Brooke

    June 4, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    So many important words, thank you for writing this!


    • TAO

      June 4, 2018 at 8:56 pm

      Thank you for reading.


  6. cb

    June 9, 2018 at 2:41 am

    I am very glad that I did decide to join an adoption forum when I did because I met some lovely people. I had originally only joined to get advice on who to contact but stayed because I discovered fellow adoptees that had BTDT.


  7. Soulsearcher

    October 2, 2021 at 5:22 am

    I needed this. I’m 49 and began truly believing that I had no identity and was only various manifestations of who other people that I should be. I’m not alone now. I can start to let go of the shame, the guilt, the many failed attempts to start another life that was better than my last failed attempt.


  8. Soulsearcher

    October 2, 2021 at 5:25 am

    “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Carl G. Jung

    This quote is one my favorite from Dr Jung but it has a whole new meaning now.


    • TAO

      October 2, 2021 at 2:19 pm

      I’m glad. You’ll find post that resonate, posts you disagree with, above all – you’ll find a community in the comments, you’ll start to know who’s who. The commenters make this blog what it is.



Tell me your thoughts, but please be nice...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: