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Question to ponder

We are the adopted children of our parents, we (nor them) have any say in that, it’s the legal definition.

We now have a new qualifier being attached to adoptees – we are a first mom’s birth child.

Can we please stop adding qualifiers to adoptees, last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with just being called their child.  Why add a qualifier, we didn’t disqualify you, we had no say or choice in the matter.  And really, it stings that you can’t even claim your child is your child.  And if it is the professionals in adoption telling you to call your child that, here’s a thought, they’re wrong.  Tell them that, and that perhaps, they should talk to adoptees about what we want to be called.

Ugh, just ugh.

Adoptees, do feel free to weigh in on what you think of being called your mother’s birth child.

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18 Comments

Posted by on September 18, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Make up your mind…

Sometimes adoption conversations about language makes your head spin, they seldom turn out well, sometimes though, they defy logic.  A discussion ensues with many adoptive parents weighing in on the term adopter, some incredibly valid reasons, some with very personal feelings and experiences, some are okay with it, some have some out-there reasoning’s too. Read the rest of this entry »

 
11 Comments

Posted by on September 4, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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One More Time

By Shadow…

It has been a long time, since I last posted. It’s been a long time, since, I have opened up, to talk about adoption, at all. Today was a, typical, day, for me. I woke up, fixed my breakfast, and was sitting there, finishing my coffee, checking emails, etc., and listening to the news. Read the rest of this entry »

 
8 Comments

Posted by on December 5, 2016 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Can we talk?

As you read this post, if it doesn’t apply to you, it doesn’t apply to you, no need to get yourself all worked up and create a response along the lines of #notall, just accept that I’m intelligent enough to know that you aren’t all clones of each other.  If it does apply to you, please mull on the mixed message you are putting out in this world, to your child. Read the rest of this entry »

 
10 Comments

Posted by on November 10, 2016 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Evolving adoption language…

For the last while I’ve seen some first mom’s refer to the child they placed as their birthchild, one word.  I haven’t said anything, not my place, just hope it didn’t come about because their SW said that is how they should refer to them.  I also recognise I don’t like the use of birth in adoption terminology because it is reductive to me, so my reaction, may be over-inflated. Read the rest of this entry »

 
46 Comments

Posted by on August 28, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Adoptee loyalty…

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience, both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others.  I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens.  This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
88 Comments

Posted by on June 4, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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“Selfish Bastard”…

I know, I couldn’t have picked a more provocative title if I’d tried.  Last night, while winding down, I read an article about why the Adoptee Rights Bill in Texas didn’t get to a vote.  An adoptive mother who is also a Texas state senator stopped it – in its tracks.  Wow, just wow is all I can say to that…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
29 Comments

Posted by on May 29, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Synonyms, Semantics, who cares…

By TAO

Fair warning this post is snarky; but you will understand why I’ve started it this way with an analogy if you read to the end:

I’ve decided that I’m going to use the term adopter instead of adoptive parent from now on – they are synonyms of the other, so they mean the exact same thing…who cares that some adopters become enraged, others feel demeaned, or feel that it is a derogatory term.  It’s easier for me, and they should just get over it, because I know other adopters who don’t care and use it themselves…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
22 Comments

Posted by on September 6, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Another post of links…

By TAO

Round up of posts and articles that have caught my attention recently and gave me something to think about…

Read the rest of this entry »

 
6 Comments

Posted by on July 20, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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It’s Just Simple Common Sense

By Shadow

Here I am, the less vocal of this blog, once again feeling the need to speak up. TAO’s last post about a two letter short cut to typing birth mother, left me so stunned that such a post even had the need to be written in today’s world of politically correct, positive, adoption language, that even had I wanted, I couldn’t stop myself from commenting. Oh for Christ sake, seriously, people don’t get why those two, particular, letters are offensive? Well, here is an explanation. Read the rest of this entry »

 
11 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Venting: The difference between two letters or four letters…

By TAO

I never thought I would be doing a post on this, and definitely wasn’t going to start the new year with this post – but the trend seems to be getting worse, and someone needs to say something…

Q: How much longer does it take to type four letters instead of two letters?  Go ahead, try it.  What did you find?  Was it excruciatingly harder to type four letters instead of two?  No?  In fact you probably couldn’t even define how much longer it took – could you… Read the rest of this entry »

 
26 Comments

Posted by on January 3, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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Convoluted thoughts and a Ted Talk…

By TAO

Hopefully the title has warned you that my thoughts are all over the place. Below is one of the Ted Talks I listened to today…

While you listen to the talk given in Wellington, New Zealand by a member of OXFAM, think about how adoption is consumer driven, although a much more arduous process then simply a trip to the grocery store, prospective  and adoptive parents are the consumers in adoption.  They (the AP’s) hold the power to make the adoption agencies change their practices when found to be questionable ethically.  They make the choice of who they take their business too, and, what they require the process to be.  They also have the ability to speak up, or not.  Their voices have more power to effect change, than any other voice in the adoption community. Read the rest of this entry »

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics

 

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