The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me. Read the rest of this entry »
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Happy New Year my friends! Hoping you all had holidays that left you feeling happy and refreshed for the New Year filled with goals and dreams galore. I’m still shocked we are 20 years into the new century, seems like just the other day we went to bed wondering what would happen at midnight re computers and Y2K. Damn, somehow that makes me feel even older and more reflective than normal, if that’s possible, and reflective in a way that goes off in strange tangents. (you’ve been warned) Read the rest of this entry »
Today, I want to talk about the latest adoption viral story to hit the internet and TV shows. It did the rounds on facebook pages and hit the adoption groups on Facebook, instantly. Pretty much, most of the adoptive parents were all aflutter loving it, the adoptees, not so much, with some loving it, some thought it wasn’t bad, some didn’t like it at all. And of course, there were those adoptive parents who knew an adoptee (or three) who all loved it, but, I don’t think any adoptee weighing in thought the destruction of that little boy’s privacy was right, or good. And it’s not good because you don’t know the future on any of his feelings; but the feel good need so many had, removed any consideration of protecting his story and that it should be sacred for just his family and close friends. Read the rest of this entry »
You know a friend who has always loved being adopted, suffered no ill effects from being adopted, the one you always hold up as a positive adoptee with a good experience? Read the rest of this entry »
I got myself twisted into knots this week. Why I allowed myself to be triggered probably comes down to the fact I’ve been on a strict no-stress diet for what seems like forever. Positive Adoption Language or PAL was the cause of my lapse of living stress free. First, for those reading, I don’t take issue with all the language listed, but my word, some (or most) of the “rules” about adoptees needs to change, and the change needs to led by adoptees; adoptive parents, birth parents, adoption professionals can weigh in, but it’s ultimately the adoptees who should decide the language used about them. Read the rest of this entry »
An article was posted that had Tummy Mommy in the title, I knew I should avoid it, the title told me it would make me upset. I clicked anyway. Dumb, dumb idea.
I read it. I read it right to the bitter end. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s a rare adoptee who would fit into the Either/Or category people like to paint us as, instead try seeing us as Both/And. Read the rest of this entry »
We are the adopted children of our parents, we (nor them) have any say in that, it’s the legal definition.
We now have a new qualifier being attached to adoptees – we are a first mom’s birth child.
Can we please stop adding qualifiers to adoptees, last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with just being called their child. Why add a qualifier, we didn’t disqualify you, we had no say or choice in the matter. And really, it stings that you can’t even claim your child is your child. And if it is the professionals in adoption telling you to call your child that, here’s a thought, they’re wrong. Tell them that, and that perhaps, they should talk to adoptees about what we want to be called.
Ugh, just ugh.
Adoptees, do feel free to weigh in on what you think of being called your mother’s birth child.
Sometimes adoption conversations about language makes your head spin, they seldom turn out well, sometimes though, they defy logic. A discussion ensues with many adoptive parents weighing in on the term adopter, some incredibly valid reasons, some with very personal feelings and experiences, some are okay with it, some have some out-there reasoning’s too. Read the rest of this entry »
It has been a long time, since I last posted. It’s been a long time, since, I have opened up, to talk about adoption, at all. Today was a, typical, day, for me. I woke up, fixed my breakfast, and was sitting there, finishing my coffee, checking emails, etc., and listening to the news. Read the rest of this entry »
As you read this post, if it doesn’t apply to you, it doesn’t apply to you, no need to get yourself all worked up and create a response along the lines of #notall, just accept that I’m intelligent enough to know that you aren’t all clones of each other. If it does apply to you, please mull on the mixed message you are putting out in this world, to your child. Read the rest of this entry »
For the last while I’ve seen some first mom’s refer to the child they placed as their birthchild, one word. I haven’t said anything, not my place, just hope it didn’t come about because their SW said that is how they should refer to them. I also recognise I don’t like the use of birth in adoption terminology because it is reductive to me, so my reaction, may be over-inflated. Read the rest of this entry »