Tag Archives: fathers

To those who don’t agree with Adoptee Rights…


To anyone who disagrees with an Adoptee Rights Bill to allow Adult Adoptees to request, and receive, their Original Birth Certificate.  If you have followed along, I’m sure you have listened to, or will listen to testimonies by adoption attorneys, adoption agencies, and adoption professional lobbyists who will speak about mothers being given promises by them, or their predecessors, and how those promises need to be kept.  They will also likely testify about the mothers wanting that privacy, but perhaps not explain the privacy they may have wanted at the time.  I’m not going to go into the obvious argument about the state not being required to protect promises made by businesses – when everyone knows laws change all the time, or there wouldn’t be legislators.  I want to talk instead about what a mother may, or may not have wanted at the time, and the concept that it still holds true of what she wants today.  I want you to challenge yourself, to do what I am going to do below. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One reason conversations between Adoptive Parents and Adoptees fail…


A discussion was/is happening on Creating A Family post that featured an adult adoptee comment on another post.  Confused?  Dawn received a comment by an adult adoptee from a closed adoption on whether open adoption was a good thing.  I think many adoptees have thought about it, I certainly did.  I joined the conversation and yet it took a while, and many comments later – for some to understand what I was saying.  Of course, that is one of the reasons I blog is to get my complicated, contradictory thoughts to make sense to others and that takes time, reflection, revision…  Anyway… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 20, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Every single day…


My mother was asked by someone fairly close to her, if she still thought about me after all this time.  The title was the immediate answer.  Stop and think about what that means to a mother.  To me, it means that not only did she think about me, she would have wondered if I was okay, healthy, happy, sad, alive.  I can only begin to imagine the level of pain she lived with because without knowledge, I doubt that she would think only good thoughts, not have any worries about the life I was living, rather, they would include if I was living, what my new family was like, was I loved, was I okay.  I compare her words with the length of time I thought of my son every single day – before I had days, and then weeks go by – without thinking about my son.  That transition happened long before the first decade had passed, and having lived through that, I can’t imagine the pain that stretched decades, day in, day out, no relief, no forgetting.  It’s incomprehensible, and makes tears roll down my face just thinking about it. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 17, 2014 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Adoptees and donor conceived seem to have much in common…


Insomnia struck again, so, I just watched the last two episodes of Generation Cryo.  I didn’t watch the series, just the last two episodes.  What I don’t know, is, if they realize that there could indeed be more than just the 15 who signed up on the donor sibling registry – and whether that was part of the discussion earlier in the series, because realistically, with the number of parents who tell vs don’t tell – the likelihood of more siblings is there, unless, the cryo bank knows those were the only families, and, know they were the only source. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 11, 2014 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2013 – a hard year but for some a good year too..


Last year, I did 12 for 12 to end the year and I enjoyed trying to come up with posts others may have not read.  This year I decided to mix it up a bit…this year focusing adoptees and fathers and justice or not…and no, I don’t expect you to read all the links they are just for reference because this post took a while to compile… Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on December 31, 2013 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , , ,

Terms that trigger deep dark feelings of unworthiness…


It’s funny how we all have our trigger words, words that punch us in the gut and make us feel bad.  With adoptive parents it seems for many that “real” is that trigger word, for first mothers there are many words that make them seem invisible, or worse, just a means to an end.  For some adopted, illegitimate bothers them, where bastard doesn’t and they wear it proudly.  Others don’t like either term.  Some like myself, prefer to use the term illegitimate because it is an accurate legal term that describes the fact that I was born to a mother who was unmarried.  To me it carries no stigma or unworthiness, just a definition.  I don’t like the term bastard, it brings up bad connotations about the person, it becomes personal. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on December 5, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Strongly worded article in Huff Post…


I’m impressed.  Go read it now by Adam Pertman of the Adoption Institute and Bruce Boyer is Director of the Civitas ChildLaw Clinic at Loyola University in Chicago.

The Baby Veronica Saga: Denial of a Father’s Rights and Now a $1 Million Lesson

Too bad other groups in adoption don’t seem to stand up on the side of ethics…


Posted by on November 27, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Adoption is always wonderful to some…and never to be questioned…


My last post was primarily about an adoption that needed to happen, and, how thankful I am that the babe would have good parents that are the right type of parents (my criteria).  In that post I listed the thoughts that run through my head when I hear about “an adoption“.  Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on November 26, 2013 in Adoption, Ethics


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

My Positive Adoption Story

By Shadow

By request, from a commenter, on another post, we’ve been asked to write about positive adoption stories. The request and the question asked by many potential adoptive parents, as well as, adoptive parents, for positive adoption stories always puzzles me. Why does adoption have to be either negative, or positive? I don’t understand, so I have to ask, “What, exactly, is a positive adoption story?” Read the rest of this entry »


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A father and Utah….


I have watched this case for a while, and, every time I read about it – I get upset all over again.  The father is from Pennsylvania, a veteran of multiple tours in Iraq, who lost his child at birth to an adoption in Utah, and has fought for his child since. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on November 10, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Shadow’s Spin Off From The Post “Double Standards In Adoption”

By Shadow The Adoptee

I first began this to be a comment in response to TAO’s post, “Double Standards In Adoption”. This is one of those things that, as an adoptee, I struggle with when the subject comes up, because, for me, it is such a slap in the face, dished out by the powers that be of adoption. These powers that be, who are financed, and encouraged, by adoption agencies, use the excuse of “protecting a birth mother’s right to privacy” to prevent adoptees from what is their birth right as a human being; the knowledge of their biology. Instead of posting it as a comment, I wanted it to stand alone. I am the less vocal one on this blog, I felt the need to speak up on this subject, and my words can stand on their own. Read the rest of this entry »


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Ted Talk “The Danger of the Single Story”

I have done four posts about this Ted Talk over the years – and I can’t seem to stop myself from posting it again for November Adoption Awareness Month…

I don’t think it matters if you are in an open-domestic adoption – right through to a closed international adoption – what you know about the family of birth is limited to what you have been told.  (video at the end of the post.)

Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story” Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on November 1, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,