The Book: Being Adopted – The Lifelong Search for Self

(a post from 2011 I’ve rewritten).  I have so much praise for this book, the way it explains the different phases an adoptee may go through, and the triggers that can happen along the way.  How the cognitive developmental stages work with understanding adoption, to different stressors, losses, the different phases of life.

 

New Years Eve thoughts…

I woke this morning and the clock told me it was 4:36 am, about the time I usually get up.  While I was waiting for my coffee to be ready, I stood at the sink and looked out the kitchen window into the darkness filled with shadows that I know are the massive trees in my neighborhood, highlighted by the warm glow from the street lights.  It’s beautiful and peaceful and I don’t like sleeping in and missing this time of day, nor later watching as the day begins to dawn, and later still watching the fog roll in. 

 

Adoptee Rights?

When I first came online there was only a handful of sites where you could reach out and find information on how to search for your birth family.  There were members on those sites that would guide you to adoption registries, explain how to get your non-identifying information from the agency or state, or if you were lucky, you were born in one of the handful of states you could order your original birth certificate (OBC).  I knew nothing about the Adoptee Rights fight to get our rights back.  I didn’t even know I could get my non-id information, nor that I even had an original birth certificate somewhere.  I’ve learned a lot since then about clean vs. compromise Adoptee Rights legislation.  Lately, two things have become exceedingly clear to me:

 

Words and adoption

Platitudes, knee-jerk reactions followed by gas-lighting were topics on my Twitter-feed this morning, the latter two were words from MerriamWebster (follow them, they’re great).  All three happen to be part of the landscape of adoption-land that each person faces happening to them at some point.

 

More thoughts on screening for adoptees

Still mulling on, fuming on the audacity of The National Council for Adoption Advocate suggesting that DTC genetic companies should screen for adoptees by asking them if they’re adopted and then providing “adoption professionals” to contact for help so it’s “adoption-supportive and sensitive”.  In my effort to consider whether they have a point re the “adoption professionals”, I googled adoption agencies+reunion advice.

 

Just a wee bit late…

The National Council for Adoption has concerns on adoptees using DNA tests to find their families of birth and get health information. 

 

Who knew she was adopted.

I often search for quotes on a topic, find one that resonates and then read about the person who said it.  It’s an interesting and enlightening way to learn about people.  This morning, I started with Origins, then Wisdom, then decided I’d try to find an Adoption quote that didn’t try to make adoption better than biological families, wasn’t wrapped up in destiny, wasn’t magical, pre-ordained, or mystical, just something you’d expect from a normal conversation from someone in adoption. 

 

Trying to get back on track and talk about what’s important…

I’ve had a hard time this year being able to focus on writing a post about any one subject, I can write snippets, but being able to shut off all the distractions in today’s world has often proven beyond my ability.  One thought that keeps repeating itself every time I see what’s happening in the world is “I’m glad mom and dad aren’t here to see what is happening”.  A thought I never imagined I’d ever have, let alone being willing to say out loud, but I am glad they aren’t here to see the bizarre, ugly, mean-spirited happenings in this world.  It’s ugly out there and I don’t know if it can be fixed.  Yet, the other day I reached out to you, and you responded that proved there are still good people willing to reach back.  Thank you my friends, those that commented, those that took the time to read, you ground me, all of you, you make sure I don’t feel alone in a world that has overnight become very foreign.  Now, enough of me blathering, lets talk about something else…

 

Family Health History Updates and Adoption

I read an adoption agency post on Family Health History, left a comment, went back to read it again and realized the post is from 2016.  My comment is still there pending approval, which I expected as I commented on the weekend.  The post was on what the adoption agency does with any family medical updates, note what they do seems pretty standard across agencies, something I’ve talked about before.  Adoption agencies can also charge an adoptee to pull their file.

Is the standard good enough is the question I’m asking you my friends.

If you answer in the comments:

1. Include your role in adoption (first parent, adoptive parent, adoptee).
2. Answer whether it is good enough to you, and why, if it’s not good enough, what should be done instead.
3. Include whether you’d have known to check with the adoption agency regularly for updated family health history.

Here is the post: Adoptees and Updated Medical Information

My comment is below, but please don’t click the ‘Read the rest of this entry’ until you’ve read the above post linked, so it’s read without my bias good or bad.  If you are going to comment, it would also be good to do that before you read my comment.

 

A quick shout out…

An adoptee has created a wonderful resource and is collecting not only stories, but stats!  His tweet’s today are priceless and shows the evolution of what happened in adoption history, how sealing adoption court records from the public, over the years morphed into sealing adoption court records from the one who the court records were about.

This day in adoptee history, April 14, 1917. #adopteerights https://t.co/daUY8HsKQV

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Adoptee Rights Law (@adopteelaw) April 14, 2017

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It wasn't until 1939 in Minnesota when OBC's were sealed, but even then should have been available by court order

—
Adoptee Rights Law (@adopteelaw) April 14, 2017

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You can follow him here: https://twitter.com/adopteelaw

 

 

 

 

It was my mother’s birthday the other day…

Specifically, the birthday of my mother by birth.  The morning before, I had this thought that there was a birthday I was missing, but I had no idea whose, or even when, just that it was someone’s birthday soon, perhaps that day.  Seeing as I couldn’t figure it out I went to check my family trees to see if it was a direct line ancestor’s birthday.  I checked dad’s tree first because it’s the one I know best, nothing, so then I moved to my maternal birth family tree, and there it was, my mother’s birthday was the next day.

 

Again…

Dr. Donna Campbell, a Texas legislator has written a preemptive letter against Texas changing the law that seals an adult adoptee’s original birth certificates away from them.  As I read the letter, it made me feel like adoptees aren’t part of families who adopt and birth parents who place.  No room at the table for adult adoptees.  She does state accommodations can be made to provide medical history, and notes there is already a way for an adoptee to get their original birth certificate, I.e. if they know the name of the parent(s) on the original birth certificate…