I know I’ve talked about it before, but I continue to see both adoption agencies and adoptive parents speak on what adoption was like back in the 50’s and 60’s. They blithely state misinformation, as if, it was fact. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: closed records
Invariably, when some hear about an adoptee wanting to find their family of birth, they leap to money, the adopted one is looking for an inheritance. That’s what I want to talk about today. Unless you’ve lived your life as an only, you have no lived experience to explain the complicated, nuanced feelings an adoptee can have being adopted, not having full knowledge of their identity. The collateral damage that can happen when you have missing pieces. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve talked about seeing yourself reflected back many times over the years. Today, I’m bringing it up because yesterday I updated the family tree’s (I have one for each parent) with the details of mom passing. And, once someone’s passed, I add pictures too, something I’ve always shied away from while they are living, despite having the tree’s set to private, invite only. Once I get started, then, of course, I check to see if there are new records or details to uncover, and time slips away as I become the observer of generations. Read the rest of this entry »
We all come to adoption with a story, whether it’s a one-liner, or fills a page or two, there is a story. It could just be that we were abandoned. It could be more. I don’t think I’ve ever told the story the social worker told mom and dad about me. It was short, oh so short. It was the single story of my beginnings, where I came from, who I was, for over four decades. Read the rest of this entry »
Methinks someone needs to do her research before opening said mouth… Read the rest of this entry »
For anyone opposed to the adoptee having the right to their original birth certificate, a historical document created by those who witnessed the birth. A factual, unaltered birth certificate. I invite you to consider what feelings and thoughts would run through your mind if this was your child, as an adult, posting on Facebook. Superimpose your child’s picture and details over the picture in the article below of the adoptee sharing personal, intimate details about himself to the world. Dig deep, really imagine how you would feel seeing your child doing what they feel is the only way they can ever find the answers they seek, sharing the private personal details of their story to the world. Would it spark anger that they feel they have no other option but to put themselves out there like that? That the only reason they have to do this is because they are adopted, that you, adopted them. Every adoptee who does this also has parents just like you…
I’ve researched my paternal family tree since the 1940 census was released a couple of years ago that allowed me to know who my grandparents were. While I’ve hit brick walls on part of the tree, other parts have become amazingly clear and well documented. There’s a pretty big reason for how well documented it is, and yet, I want even more info than I’ve found, at the same time, I realize what a gift just having the knowledge to get this far and that makes me feel guilty, knowing others will never have theirs. Everyday I see postings by people born in the 1940’s whose parents would have been born in the first quarter of the last century, what hope do they have of even being able to do a family tree? Read the rest of this entry »
In the past I’ve talked a lot about how I was challenged by the lack of physical genetic mirroring, both growing up, and in my adult life. I’m sure pictures help in that respect for some adoptees today, and I’m thankful they have what so many of us never had. This post is not about genetic mirroring in that respect, because it’s only scratching the surface of the topic.
A comment by Robyn on the last post about adoptee rights made me dig into my draft posts to find this one to revise and post. Part of Robyn’s comment said this: “We recently had a conversation on an open adoption group about how open adoption does not have anything to do with open records. Someone thought it did – that in an open adoption, the records weren’t sealed.”
A question was asked on the Adoptive Families FB page on whether the adoptive parents had obtained their child’s original birth certificate before the adoption was finalized. I have to say that while I think adoptive parents should get a copy, it also makes them less likely to recognise that their child, based on the state they were born in may not have the same right as all other citizens born there. If they have their child’s OBC there is no incentive for some to stand up and say equality matters for all adoptees. To me that’s a problem… Read the rest of this entry »
Reading an adoption reunion story in Canada on the CBC News site. I started reading the comments and it struck me how pleasant they all are, even the responses to comments they don’t agree with. People commenting being civil. Then I came to this comment and I started laughing…
“Please share some of the nightmare stories about reunions with long lost parents and children. We always hear about the happy ones and readers will sometimes write in to say that theirs was not so happy. I am sure there are a significant number of reunions which can turn nasty. However I doubt many of those would be willing to share details.”
It just struck me funny, a rallying cry for negative stories about adoption reunions. Perhaps an insecure adoptive parent in a closed adoption? A prospective adoptive parent? One who uses search queries such as “positive adoption story” that leads them to this blog? To me, the wording used in the comment does not sound like it is an adoptee speaking, if it was, the wording would be inclusive, instead of using words that speak of others in a group they aren’t part of. Despite that rallying cry for negative adoption reunion stories, other commenters responded gently, and dare I say, politely? Overall, it seemed most commenters felt that adult adoptees should have the right to know where they came from and that right trumped a parent by birth right to privacy.
Well done, more and more people are standing up for the rights of the adoptee to know where they came from.