I’m tired, but I’ll keep trying…

Copied from this post in 2019

I’ve lost faith that most private adoption (DIA and DYI/DIA) will ever change to be child centered. Based on what I see, there seems to be little to no rigor in requiring people wanting to adopt be of a certain caliber, or have the ability to step outside of their wants, as long as they can tick specific boxes they get their homestudy approved, regardless if they are AP material or not. And when that happens only the industry wins, the child surely doesn’t.

 

Microaggressions in Adoption

Adoption Microaggressions Parents Need to Know About podcast on Creating A Family with guest Dr. Amanda Baden, interesting and worth your time, it ends talking about Chimanda Ngozi Adichie and The Danger of the Single Story (her Ted Talk on it is linked below).

 

Yet Another Agency…

“Modern adoption is not what it was many years ago. It is no longer a secretive subject. Most children who were adopted now know about their adoption story. In fact, most adoptions today are open or semi-open adoptions, meaning they know their biological parent(s) in some capacity. About 90 percent of children in an open adoption report having positive feelings about their circumstance. Their parents are encouraged by adoption professionals to speak about adoption, share age-appropriate information, and celebrate their child’s unique story of being loved by two families instead of one.” source

 

Another “we weren’t told we were adopted post”…

“Adoption has come a long way in the past 50 years. Adoptions were almost always kept secret and not always a birth parent’s choice back then. Fortunately, open adoption is the norm today. While there can always be issues, studies have shown that this type of adoption provides the most benefits for the birth parents, adoptive parents, and, most importantly, the adopted child.”

 

Real Parents

I wrote this over a decade ago, lightly edited, ask yourself how much has changed since then, how much hasn’t…

 

So, you had a good adoption experience.

I’m in a few different types of adoption groups on fb, a few I even regularly comment in, mostly though, I just check in to see if anything sparks my interest. Lately, there seems to be a few more adoptees joining groups who had a ‘good adoption experience’ and want to make sure everyone in whatever group they’ve joined, know how they feel.

 

“I know an adoptee who loves being adopted!”

And?

And yes, this is a grumpy rant thanks to people who try every possible option to get pregnant to have “one of their own”, and when it doesn’t work, suddenly think adoption is the perfect solution, and only a baby will do, and how beautiful adoption is now they can’t have their own.

 

Deep thoughts this morning

We are up every day long before dawn even thinks of showing up. This morning, after I made a cup of coffee, I stood at the kitchen sink drinking my coffee and looked out the window mesmerized by the dense fog that had rolled in, the beauty it offers in the dark, the way it obscures and also softens reality, yet doesn’t fully obscure the physical shapes present, nor cover the eerie golden glow from the street lights, or the shadows of the trees.

 

Comments from Adoption and breastfeeding – touchy subject post. Part 1.

It’s taken me a while to respond to two comments left by different upset readers on the Breastfeeding post. I was going to just ignore them, but this post keeps getting wide circulation on FB, so maybe it’s time to respond.

 

New Year’s Day 2022

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” — Alan Alda

We’d all be better if we took the advice above, myself included.

 

Dear Adoption.com Columnist

From 2017

I read your article posted a few days ago: 3 Reasons To NOT Find Your Birth Parents with the tag line “It’s your life; it’s your choice.” and just wanted to lay out some statements of facts before getting into a nuanced rebuttal.

 

Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Originally posted 21 Sept 2015

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there. I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt. I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her. Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…

She’s not ready to adopt…

It takes a lot of empathy, being able, and willing, to see all the different sides in adoption. To see the trauma the other sides go through, so you get what you want most, a baby. Some people never get there, and that’s okay, provided they don’t adopt.

To me, to be ready to be adoptive parents, it takes…