Dear Adoption.com Columnist

From 2017

I read your article posted a few days ago: 3 Reasons To NOT Find Your Birth Parents with the tag line “It’s your life; it’s your choice.” and just wanted to lay out some statements of facts before getting into a nuanced rebuttal.

 

Best Interest in Adoption is about the Child

I read an article published by an Adoption Agency in 2019. Trying to find the words to describe what I think an adoption should be, if an adoption must happen. Note the text in quotes below are taken directly from the article.

 

Just a quick thought

Anyone else tired of the terms ‘Adoption Triad’, ‘Adoption Constellation’ and any other term that escapes my mind at the moment?

Why is it important to add a name at all?

I do my best to never use any of the collective terms because they all seem so redundant. We have terms to describe every role in adoption, the processes, the events, the people in it.

Why do we need an umbrella term in the first place?

What am I missing?

Tell me what you think in the comments, feel free to go off topic as well.

 

Adoption Isn’t Normalized?

Yesterday, I read a post written by a birthmother who doesn’t think adoption is considered normal in society, and needs to be normalized, and also needs to be normalized for adopted children too.

So please, either take the survey or leave a comment on what you think, and if you’d be so kind, if you are adopted was it always your norm, if you’re an AP is adoption your child’s norm.

 

Does Society Accept Adoption – results below

Adoptee – adoption is accepted by society 57.14%  (8 votes) 

Adoptee – adoption is NOT accepted by society 0%  (0 votes) 

A Parent – adoption is accepted by society 14.29%  (2 votes)

A Parent – adoption is NOT accepted by society 7.14%  (1 votes)

First Parent – adoption is accepted by society 7.14%  (1 votes)

First Parent – adoption is NOT accepted by society 0%  (0 votes)

Other: 14.29%  (2 votes) 

 

Dear Adoption.com Columnist

I read your article posted a few days ago: 3 Reasons To NOT Find Your Birth Parents with the tag line “It’s your life; it’s your choice.” and just wanted to lay out some statements of facts before getting into a nuanced rebuttal.

• You are an adoptive parent
• You have written another ‘instructive’ article to adoptees before (title below)
• You are not an adoptee, at least you don’t claim to be

 

Discussing ‘This is Us’ (not this blog)

Back in October I did a post about This Is Us, curious about what other adoptees felt about the new series, what they thought, how triggering it was.  You can read that brief post here and read the comments if you’re interested.

 

Outside looking in and inside looking out on grief…

Why is it such a shock that a mother (and father) who chose adoption would grieve for what they lost?  I see posts about the birthmother is grieving, and the one I just read – not grieving appropriately, as if, for your comfort, she needs to grieve in a defined way, in a defined linear line, oh, and it can’t make you uncomfortable.

 

If I had a magic wand…

I’d wave it and magically remove the insecurity *some* adoptive parents have over commonly used terms that offend them, every time.  Terms that aren’t going to magically disappear from the lexicon.  Terms like ‘real’ in reference to a biological family.  I’d also bestow on you the ability to take the power away from terms like ‘real’. 

 

Dear pro-life would be adopter…

Readers know I don’t use the term ‘adopter’ lightly, and it applies only to a few out there.  I read a very disturbing post today by someone with infertility, who is pro-life and also wants to adopt.  I was ready to rebut her post, it felt good writing thoughts down, but it wouldn’t have done any good.  Instead, I decided to write this post, perhaps she’ll read it, or someone just like her.  Perhaps it will trigger reflection, perhaps not, but I’ve tried in the kindest way I know…

 

Good conversations happen in the comments…

By TAO

One of the reasons I’ve kept this blog going is that I can see people start to understand a different view, not so much from the blog posts, but the comments and conversations by many different people.  I love the conversations that happen in the comments, whether they stay on topic, or wander completely away.  I struggle sometimes to write posts in a fully authentic voice, because I worry too much about whether it will be heard by those who can gain understanding, if they can only hear it.  So, I temper my words too much to make them softer, when I am a plain speaker at heart.  Comments though are different, it’s easier to talk one on one.  I was reading an old post and the comments it sparked, and thought I’d put a comment and response into a post to show that often the best part of this blog – is in the conversations that happen after.