I’m thankful for having parents who stood up and said no this is wrong when they saw it. I’m not saying they were perfect, they were strong in what they believed in, strong in speaking their minds. They taught us that it was good to stand up for what is right and push back when you saw something wrong. I wish I was as strong as they were, I’m not, and I’m not thankful for that lack of strength, moral character, clarity that made them who they were, but I try to speak up when I see something I find egregious happening in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: adoption impact
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I ran across this quote and others by Stephen Chbosky and they spoke to me about adoption feelings, despite not having anything to do with adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
One of the never-ending conversations adoptive parents have is when the child’s mother of birth cancels, or just doesn’t show for an arranged get-together, despite having promised to be there. I can’t say with any certainty, but I do wonder if it’s more the overwhelming feelings that keeps them from keeping the commitment. Read the rest of this entry »
I started this post looking for a quote on identity. A quote that would describe something so fundamental as needing to know your family of origin, the why’s, the who am I, the missing part of who we are. Let me know if the quote below resonates with you. Read the rest of this entry »
We are the adopted children of our parents, we (nor them) have any say in that, it’s the legal definition.
We now have a new qualifier being attached to adoptees – we are a first mom’s birth child.
Can we please stop adding qualifiers to adoptees, last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with just being called their child. Why add a qualifier, we didn’t disqualify you, we had no say or choice in the matter. And really, it stings that you can’t even claim your child is your child. And if it is the professionals in adoption telling you to call your child that, here’s a thought, they’re wrong. Tell them that, and that perhaps, they should talk to adoptees about what we want to be called.
Ugh, just ugh.
Adoptees, do feel free to weigh in on what you think of being called your mother’s birth child.
Thought for the day:
I can’t tell you how many adoptees start off processing the hard parts of being adopted, once they start talking with and getting to know other adoptees. Then they start talking about feelings, feelings they’ve never been comfortable sharing with others. Then once they hear others that were triggered the same way, in the same circumstances, the pennies start dropping that their reaction to (perceived rejection, insecurities relationship wise, not feeling good enough, anxiety, aloneness, different) centered around being adopted and is all part of the adoptee experience. Read the rest of this entry »
Last July, there was a guy on twitter that sparked this post. And no, not even a few months later am I a fan of naming folks, would rather just talk about the attitude. He blocked me 🙂 and checking later, he’d deleted at least one of his tweets, I also double checked to make sure I’ve portrayed it accurately. This guy, Billy, was upset that adoptees in New York want the same right others born in New York have; access to, and the right to receive a copy of their original birth certificate (OBC), he also seems upset that any adoptee anywhere could have that right. Read the rest of this entry »
More and more adoptive parents are openly admitting that they haven’t told their child they are adopted and intend to wait to tell till the child is old enough to understand. I know I’ve brought this up many times over the years, but this comment left under an article written by an adoptee about the hard truths in adoption (loss, abandonment, grief) sparked this post. Read the rest of this entry »
The title sounds incredibly morbid doesn’t it? It wasn’t, but it was also a conversation mom needed to have, it was also a conversation I didn’t expect to be having on this blog. But here we are. There were several in-depth, sometimes contentious conversations in the on-line adoption community about bonding and attachment this past week. People got upset, angry, hurt, worried. I both get it, and don’t get it, I can understand the fear because of adoption, I can’t understand assuming one voice means all voices. This post talks about how both conversations intersect. Read the rest of this entry »
I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them. I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named. Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time. Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following. Read the rest of this entry »
Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others. How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system. I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently. Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold. What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »