Another Adoption Service Provider seems to not know Adoption History.

01 Jan

“Once upon a time–we’re talking about the years up to the early ’80s-–secrecy and lies was the name of the game in adoption.”

“This is how it worked: Expectant parents who had “out-of-wedlock” babies were forced to give them away and then told to go on with their lives without knowing what became of their children.”

“Adoptive parents were expected to raise the children “as their own” without ever mentioning where they came from. And the children themselves had no idea about anything until the truth would accidentally slip out. Sometimes it would come directly from the adoption record. Other times it would come out as part of their parents’ deathbed confession.”

Finally, they would have answers to the questions that gnawed at them their entire lives:”

  • “Why don’t I look like my parents?”
  • “Why am I so different from the rest of my family?”
  • “Why are my parents so uncomfortable about talking about my birth?”

The above is from an Adoption Service Provider…America Adopts

I’m getting very tired of debunking this trope that somehow our Adoptive Parents managed to not tell us we were adopted and raise us “as their own” even during the Baby Scoop Era. Are there Adoptees from the Baby Scoop Era who found out late? Absolutely, but they are not the majority, just like some Adoptive Parents today – still have not told.

Telling – From the Adoption History website at the University of Oregon.

“Child adoption in the modern world” by Margaret Kornitzer

“…Every adopted child’s life began with a family breakdown that left him insecure and homeless, and the new relationship is a synthetic one, created by law. Once that is accepted the real task of letting it make no difference begins. “Telling; the child” is part of the real relationship, not only because the child’s ignorance is bound to have bad repercussions later, but because telling; creates a healthy and honest atmosphere from the beginning.”

“THE CHILD THERE is a time for truth, and when truth comes too late it sometimes seems to lose its power to heal. As the poet, D. M. Dolben, has said: I asked for Truth- My doubts came in, And with their din They wearied all my youth. We have already in a previous chapter said something about telling; a child he is adopted. But further study shows that even more information should be available, and even more emphasis laid both on the necessity for telling; and on the best ways of doing it. Although judges and magistrates, as well as adoption workers, usually advise adopters to tell as soon as is convenient, many people, out of timidity or fear or even sheer stupidity, still do not. This chapter, therefore, will be a sort of anthology of telling;, giving the experience and advice of a number of people well qualified to speak. Most experts agree that a child should be told as soon as he starts asking questions, and well before he goes to school.”

I’ve done a couple of posts trying to correct the misinformation in other posts that just like the one above that another ASP has trotted out that we weren’t told we were adopted…

1.Told Not To Tell The Child They Are Adopted? – one of my previous posts on the misinformation being put forward because they don’t know Adoption History, just like the post above from America Adopts.

2. Another those posts was way back in 2011 that was a series of 5 videos in the early 1960’s on how adoption worked, the 3rd video I think talks about telling. The Chosen Child

From American Adoptions – which was started by an Adoptee adopted in the early 1950’s and his Adoptive Mother…

When Do You Tell Your Child They are Adopted?

Decades of inaccurate pop culture and media have taught that adoption is something hidden from a child — that after years of not telling a child they are adopted, the truth comes out in a tearful confession that rocks the adoptee’s world.

While this makes for good television, it’s not at all the way that modern adoption works.

Today, there’s really only one answer to the question, “When should you tell a child they are adopted?” The right age to tell a child they are adopted is at birth — from the moment you bring them home from the hospital.

There should be no moment when your child “learns” they are adopted; you should tell your child they are adopted from before they can remember, and adoption should just be a natural part of their personal story.

Adoption Service Providers must start doing research before opening mouth, the misinformation is becoming far to common.

Final Link that was published the US Children’s Bureau Folder No. 13-1947.

When You Adopt A Child

On page 21 of the scanned document is this:

Should you let him know he is adopted?

Yes, by all means. For someday, somehow, he will learn. So you be the one to tell him first. He loves and trusts you. If he first learns from an outsider, it may seriously affect his feeling toward you. Early – at 3 or 4 years – let him know. He may not get its full meaning. No matter. Talk about it from to to time as a matter of course. He’ll soon catch on. Always be frank, pleasant, and casual about his having been adopted. Don’t play it up. Don’t play it down. Never mention it when you are upset or angry.

When he grows up he may want to know or he may have a need of knowing some of his own family history. Agencies will usually give him this.

It goes on with so much more wise advice that was pertinent then and now for Adoptive Parents. Read the rest of it – please.


Posted by on January 1, 2023 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics


Tags: , , , , , , ,

15 responses to “Another Adoption Service Provider seems to not know Adoption History.

  1. BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

    January 1, 2023 at 7:57 pm

    I do believe adoption agencies gave very little, useful information and frequently provided false information. This is a bad thing when there is a reunion, as the adopted person may think the first mother is lying about certain things, when actually the adoption agency has painted a false picture.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      January 1, 2023 at 8:27 pm

      Which has nothing to do with my post?


      • BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

        January 1, 2023 at 11:01 pm



  2. cb

    January 2, 2023 at 1:11 am

    I’ve often felt that this inaccurate portrayal of past adoption by modern day adoption propoents is designed to:
    1. Shut down voices of older adoptees along the lines of “there is no need to listen to those adoptees, they are victims of antiquated times where they were told *wrong*, if only they had been adopted today!”. What is then quite amusing is that they then go and tell us all “how to tell the child the right way” and many of us older adoptees are like “ummm, you do realise that that’s not that much different to how we were told?”.
    2. Paint “modern (21st century) adoption” to emoms and HAPs as a whole new thing.
    These adoption proponents then go and tell us *how* modern adoption is different to the past. Again as per the first point, many of us adoptees are going “ummm, what you are saying is not so different?”.

    This sends the false impression today’s adoptees will be so much different to older adoptees. Yes, I do believe open adoption helps and I personally feel that generally speaking, open adoptions are better than closed ones but the basic framework of our Western form of adoption is still the same. There is a tendency these days to use “open adoption” more as a hook to “meet the adoption deficit” as one adoption proponent puts it than because of any genuine care about the unborn child or the expectant mother and when that’s the motive, it can never truly end well (btw I am NOT saying that every adoption professional uses open as a hook but rather pointing out that when some adoption professionals do so (which does happen), it will not lead to a good outcome).

    Liked by 2 people

  3. cb

    January 2, 2023 at 1:13 am

    Also this is a link to a letter sent to the NY Times by a well known and respected adoption writer disputing what one adoption professional had said re past adoptions:

    To the Editor:

    Re ”Quandary on Donor Eggs: What to Tell the Children” (front page, Jan. 18): In comparing the parents of children conceived from donated eggs with adoptive parents on the question of whether to tell the children of their biological heritage, Bill Pierce, president of the National Council for Adoption, is wrong that it has been only in the last 20 to 30 years that experts have agreed on the need to tell adoptees about their adoption.

    From the early 20th century, the United States Children’s Bureau, the Child Welfare League of America, licensed adoption agencies and professional social workers have insisted that children be told of their adoption often and at an early age. As early as 1927, the Pennsylvania Children’s Home Society refused to consent to an adoption if the prospective adoptive parents were unwilling to promise to tell the child of the adoption.

    Even in the 1960’s, when social workers were adapting Freudian concepts to child welfare problems, they refused to accept recommendations from a number of influential psychoanalysts to delay telling children until the teen-age years.


    Tacoma, Wash., Jan. 20, 1998

    Liked by 1 person

  4. beth62

    January 2, 2023 at 6:26 pm

    They admit they may not know what they are talking about, and it doesn’t really mattter, take no liability for anything on the site. according to the terms of service.

    I’m beginning to despise websites like these. The same type is used in all sorts of industries, like real estate. As a plumber I can pay for a subscription to advertise my services in different areas and on numerous search and social sites. They put all kinds of “articles” to get peoples attention. They don’t care what the articles say, right, wrong, illegal, dangerous… they just need plumbing content.
    Some sites have deals with other sites to use my plumbing company ads on their sites. One recently called saying when the customers job was complete I was to pay a comission to them. I did not.
    Adopting parents can pay up to 75/month for the best marketing package on America Adopts.
    I would be interested in knowing what kind of subscription payment the professionals have to advertise, and what kind of comission is gained from an professional that they advertise for when a match is completed.
    If I were a hopeful adopting parent, I would be very worried about where my profile may end up. You will be used for content.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      January 2, 2023 at 6:29 pm

      You are always the wise one who can explain the how and why to me Beth – Happy New Year – hoping your holiday was filled with joy.


  5. beth62

    January 2, 2023 at 6:55 pm

    Happy New Year to you! I’m ready for another one lol
    Well, kinda, drowning in last years paperwork this week, so hopefully soon lol
    Just happened to be doing a mass cancel of marketing and other subscriptions…. now that I’ve experienced how they work. I now see it’s inescapable lol once your stuff is out there, it’s out there and you have no control. Everyone who needs you, will use you and not think twice about it. There is nothing you can do about it! I have people contacting me on properties I sold years ago, thru a realtor, stating they are currently listed for sale on websites… and yelling at me about it! The internet is full of data thieves.

    I hope many hit the cancel subscription button this year at america adopts. If it’s like the rest, their profiles will be used on other marketing sites for a long time. Even long after they may have adopted.


    • TAO

      January 2, 2023 at 7:28 pm

      It becomes overwhelming. Happy New Year to you and yours – hoping for better days ahead.


      • beth62

        January 3, 2023 at 4:31 am

        It really is a bit much! I’m going old school where ever possible this year, tired of the nonsense. Much of it is supposed to make things easier, quicker and less stressful… I think NOT.


  6. beth62

    January 3, 2023 at 4:42 am

    In the early 60’s I know my Mom was tasked with telling me from the start, and telling the people in our world how normal adoption is. She was a medical professional, read the adoptive parent books of her time, talked to the experts, and did what was suggested for the benefit of her family, like many moms of today. And she managed to do a fair job if it, like many moms today.


  7. beth62

    January 3, 2023 at 4:50 am

    I wish some adoptees would write in an equally gouche way, “This is how it worked: and still works.
    And if I hear one more person talking about hidden history in one breath, and then how wonderfully new and clean adoption is in the next, I’m likely to loose it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      January 3, 2023 at 7:01 pm

      Maybe I’ll give it a try.


      • beth62

        January 3, 2023 at 7:47 pm

        Good 🙂 I hope you do. Cause I just lost it at a community cemetery preservation meeting… and rightfully so.


      • beth62

        January 3, 2023 at 7:48 pm

        I always spell gauche wrong for some reason.



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