Another Adoption Service Provider seems to not know Adoption History.

“Once upon a time–we’re talking about the years up to the early ’80s-–secrecy and lies was the name of the game in adoption.”

“This is how it worked: Expectant parents who had “out-of-wedlock” babies were forced to give them away and then told to go on with their lives without knowing what became of their children.”

“Adoptive parents were expected to raise the children “as their own” without ever mentioning where they came from. And the children themselves had no idea about anything until the truth would accidentally slip out. Sometimes it would come directly from the adoption record. Other times it would come out as part of their parents’ deathbed confession.”

“Finally, they would have answers to the questions that gnawed at them their entire lives:”

• “Why don’t I look like my parents?”
• “Why am I so different from the rest of my family?”
• “Why are my parents so uncomfortable about talking about my birth?”

The above is from an Adoption Service Provider…America Adopts

I’m getting very tired of debunking this trope that somehow our Adoptive Parents managed to not tell us we were adopted and raise us “as their own” even during the Baby Scoop Era. Are there Adoptees from the Baby Scoop Era who found out late? Absolutely, but they are not the majority, just like some Adoptive Parents today – still have not told.

Telling – From the Adoption History website at the University of Oregon.

“Child adoption in the modern world” by Margaret Kornitzer

“…Every adopted child’s life began with a family breakdown that left him insecure and homeless, and the new relationship is a synthetic one, created by law. Once that is accepted the real task of letting it make no difference begins. “Telling; the child” is part of the real relationship, not only because the child’s ignorance is bound to have bad repercussions later, but because telling; creates a healthy and honest atmosphere from the beginning.”

“THE CHILD THERE is a time for truth, and when truth comes too late it sometimes seems to lose its power to heal. As the poet, D. M. Dolben, has said: I asked for Truth- My doubts came in, And with their din They wearied all my youth. We have already in a previous chapter said something about telling; a child he is adopted. But further study shows that even more information should be available, and even more emphasis laid both on the necessity for telling; and on the best ways of doing it. Although judges and magistrates, as well as adoption workers, usually advise adopters to tell as soon as is convenient, many people, out of timidity or fear or even sheer stupidity, still do not. This chapter, therefore, will be a sort of anthology of telling;, giving the experience and advice of a number of people well qualified to speak. Most experts agree that a child should be told as soon as he starts asking questions, and well before he goes to school.”

I’ve done a couple of posts trying to correct the misinformation in other posts that just like the one above that another ASP has trotted out that we weren’t told we were adopted…

1.Told Not To Tell The Child They Are Adopted? – one of my previous posts on the misinformation being put forward because they don’t know Adoption History, just like the post above from America Adopts.

2. Another those posts was way back in 2011 that was a series of 5 videos in the early 1960’s on how adoption worked, the 3rd video I think talks about telling. The Chosen Child

From American Adoptions – which was started by an Adoptee adopted in the early 1950’s and his Adoptive Mother…

When Do You Tell Your Child They are Adopted?

Decades of inaccurate pop culture and media have taught that adoption is something hidden from a child — that after years of not telling a child they are adopted, the truth comes out in a tearful confession that rocks the adoptee’s world.

While this makes for good television, it’s not at all the way that modern adoption works.

Today, there’s really only one answer to the question, “When should you tell a child they are adopted?” The right age to tell a child they are adopted is at birth — from the moment you bring them home from the hospital.

There should be no moment when your child “learns” they are adopted; you should tell your child they are adopted from before they can remember, and adoption should just be a natural part of their personal story.

Adoption Service Providers must start doing research before opening mouth, the misinformation is becoming far to common.

Final Link that was published the US Children’s Bureau Folder No. 13-1947.

When You Adopt A Child

On page 21 of the scanned document is this:

Should you let him know he is adopted?

Yes, by all means. For someday, somehow, he will learn. So you be the one to tell him first. He loves and trusts you. If he first learns from an outsider, it may seriously affect his feeling toward you. Early – at 3 or 4 years – let him know. He may not get its full meaning. No matter. Talk about it from to to time as a matter of course. He’ll soon catch on. Always be frank, pleasant, and casual about his having been adopted. Don’t play it up. Don’t play it down. Never mention it when you are upset or angry.

When he grows up he may want to know or he may have a need of knowing some of his own family history. Agencies will usually give him this.

It goes on with so much more wise advice that was pertinent then and now for Adoptive Parents. Read the rest of it – please.

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