This is wrong any way you look at it.

14 Nov

Yesterday, I ventured onto a FB Adoption Group, one that seems both moderate and helpful to people asking questions. And no, I’m not linking to it, cuz you know I’m not into shaming and naming, nor was it the fault of the group, the fault rests solely on the individuals (yes, there was more than one) that chose to say what they said.

If you face the challenge of not being able to get pregnant and carry to term, you have my deepest condolences. You also have choices to make after you’ve been emotionally challenged like that, but your pain does not give you unfettered rights to act the fool.

Bluntly put: it’s over-the-top egregious to solicit a pregnant woman to give you her baby when it’s born. A woman you don’t even know, or know if she’s considered adoption at all. If you are that desperate to have a baby that you would do that, to me. you aren’t adoptive parent material, especially with openness seeming to be far better for the child than closed adoption.

I also think it’s unlikely you’d keep the adoption open based on your neediness to ask some random pregnant woman to give you her baby to adopt, especially if you have no idea whether she’d even considered adoption in the first place.

This type of behavior isn’t new – post from 2017 – When those wanting to adopt, forget that morals matter in how you adopt

And lastly, if you were to be successful in your pursuit – how on earth will you weave you asking a random pregnant woman to let you adopt her baby into the child’s adoption story?


Posted by on November 14, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics


Tags: , , ,

6 responses to “This is wrong any way you look at it.

  1. Janeen Jackson

    November 14, 2022 at 5:18 pm

    Wow….wow…wow… These folks need therapy. My heart goes out to these people. It’s unfortunate all the way around.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. beth62

    November 16, 2022 at 12:55 am

    I thought it was going away, had gotten better, now it’s everywhere I turn.
    It’s not okay.
    We used to call them predators and vultures. I still do.
    Who wants to be seen as that? The adoption industry needs to educate. An awareness campaign is needed. This is one of the things that makes Adoption look so ugly. And makes many Adoptees feel like crap when we hear it!!
    Beware, I and many will attack if we witness it! I plan on aiming for the nose, first. I’m done talking.

    I’ve heard what they can say in the adoption story, when this approach works out for them… We met and got to know your mother, she thought we were the perfect family for you! So she asked us if we would adopt you and of course we said, YES!!!
    They left out a lot. Along with the openness


    • TAO

      November 16, 2022 at 2:55 pm

      I wish I had your boldness and badassness Beth.


      • beth62

        November 16, 2022 at 3:24 pm

        My inner child has escaped and is roaming freely in the world. I think I will let her.
        It’s supposed to be the way to retirement, acting like a 3 year old, according to my new tshirt.
        I don’t want to
        I don’t have to
        You can’t make me.
        I’m retired.

        Remembering the times I’ve had to shew the vultures away from young pregnant women in and around my family is extremely triggering. My inner child will bite, I’ve tried to control and heal her in the past, I think I’ll retire from that too 🙂 She’s just fine, very giving and forgiving, successful, positive, confident and as happy as can be.


  3. Cindy

    November 18, 2022 at 7:13 pm

    It has never changed, it is simply more visible now. There is “nothing new under the sun.” The desperation has always been there. I never had another child after I lost my son to adoption. I know infertility.

    This grasping neediness is just one step away from a gruesome headline. Ya know the one,- pregnant woman killed and infant cut out and taken. I’m sick and tired of anything that tries to pretty up adoption. It’s a horrible practice. NO ONE should EVER be looking for/ seeking/”shopping for” a child to adopt. NOT EVER. Guardianship fine. Because sometimes a child DOES need someone other than their biological parents to look after them but NO more of this claiming–the child is mine (ownership)–by those that take them in. It’s a big ole shopping center out there for some (too many) folks…and that is just sick. (and before somebody says that is a stretch, uh, no. Not for how it left so many of us (mothers) feeling. Dead, used wrapping paper to be thrown away for the pretty thing inside.)

    Yes, infertility is an agonizing nightmare, painful, torturous……it doesn’t give any of us that suffer, the right to pass that agony on by taking a living child…….perhaps the only child that mother will ever have. How could ANYONE pass that suffering on to someone else knowing the agony? Stop and frigging think for a while. Sit with it. Mull it over…are you really that damn desperate? Get a freaking cat! (Yes, it’s a really lousy substitute, but it does fill that ache in the soul (and the arms)… a bit.)

    And it doesn’t matter how many children a mother has, don’t go shoppin’ for her baby either. That baby needs its own mother. No foolin’.

    Liked by 1 person

    • beth62

      November 19, 2022 at 4:48 pm

      Has anyone explained this desperation that can cause these predatory reactions well, in words? I have a hard time understanding it. Raising kids just isn’t that romantical to me, nor is pregnancy. I guess I’ve spent so much time avoiding it, or doing it anyway, that I have a hard time seeing it from another direction.
      I’ve helped to raise and have greatly influenced many kids, including my born kids.
      More discussion of ownership of versus responsibility for children could be useful. They grow up to be adults, I do know it can be easy to loose sight of that.
      I all to well understand the importance of real family too, whether it be biological or environmental.
      I am a real daughter to all of my parents, and none of them have ever owned me, yet three out of four have tried, with good intentions for themselves mostly. That proof is in the paperwork, and my memory, forever. Like it or not.

      Liked by 1 person


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