Had enough of this, we aren’t in high school anymore…

14 Aug

From 2015 – lightly edited and additional note at the end.

Imagine what it would be like if those challenged by infertility, or pregnancy losses were split into two groups. One group grappled with the very deep feelings of pain, inadequacy, losses that were directly caused from not being able to have children. The other group would include people like me who when I was ready and wanted to have another child, couldn’t have one because I waited too long, adjusted quickly and continued on. That doesn’t give me the right to dismiss how others feel who can’t have children, I’m not them, they aren’t me. It doesn’t give me the right to blame how they feel on their genetics, how they were raised, how positive or negative they are naturally. I don’t get to mock them to make myself feel like I’m better, or stronger, or more well-rounded.

It would not help them, it would only hurt them. It would also make them feel less-than, bad, make them wonder if something was wrong with them for not being able to just get over that very real loss and the pain that goes with that.

I know, what am I talking about? I’m getting there, I promise.

I’m tired people (whatever role held in adoption) who want to box in adoptees who have felt challenged by grief of never knowing their mother or father, feel abandoned, rejected, have trust issues; or just bad about having been adopted; or if they had/have self-esteem issues because they too believed something is wrong with them is why they weren’t kept, whatever way they felt, they felt it and feel it.

Feelings are feelings, they are reflections of what it means to be human.

What I’m feeling right now is sick and tired of people bashing adoptees, applying labels, mocking them, creating images with words of a one-sided person who never feels all the emotions we are capable of feeling, instead, feeling only anger.

I’m also tired of seeing this same divisiveness by other adoptees, it doesn’t make you look good.  It also makes me angry.

The same type of anger that I used to feel when I attended church and would listen to grown-ups talking to other people, and they would have nothing but good things to say too and about them, and yet, as soon as their backs was turned, their voices would be reduced to whispers, and ugly words would spew out of their mouths about how they really felt about ‘those’ people.  It’s amazing to me how two-faced they could be. The anger I’d feel was at the hypocrisy and shallowness of some.

No one is ever angry all the time, nor happy either. We are all able to and do feel every emotion humanely possible based on what has happened in our life, or is happening now.  We are also shaped by our lived experiences. Whether we promote adoption, are against adoption, speak critically about what is missing or needs fixing in adoption today; or have issues and challenges that stem from being born in one family and raised in another.

We need to stop labelling, belittling, and dividing adoptees – we need to be focusing on fixing what is wrong with adoption.

Focus on things that should be important to all adoptees – such as the deportation of adults who were adopted as children from other countries, and whose parents failed them by not obtaining their citizenship before that clock ran out.  Focus on adoptees who are going to be deported back to the country they were born in, because their adoptive parents failed them.

This matters, instead of this stupidity of needing to be seen as better than another, whatever your role is. We need to do better, I know we are better, and we should all be damn angry deportation of adoptees is still happening because their folks failed to attain citizenship. 15 plus years later and it still hasn’t been fixed.

The Deportation of International Adoptees Must Stop and make sure you read about Adam Crapser.  I deleted the original link and replaced it with this link.

Note from 2022 – re the Citizenship challenge faced by so many International Adoptees – go to a page on Gregory Luce’s website where he explains the problem. And understand, it is everyone’s problem who has anything to do with adoption, and we all need to do our part – before another year has passed with no resolution.

1 Comment

Posted by on August 14, 2022 in Adoption


Tags: , ,

One response to “Had enough of this, we aren’t in high school anymore…

  1. beth62

    August 15, 2022 at 3:44 pm

    I think my positive story of my life…. errr of my adoption, is just too frightening for many.

    Liked by 1 person


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