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Adoption Agencies Must Do Better Than This

02 Aug

I’m struggling writing this in anything close to a cohesive post so you have my apologies in advance and if I get anything wrong, I’ll fix it and apologize again. According to the article linked below, my reading is that adoption may be the best thing ever for a child because adoption agencies and a adoption law firm say as much when you only look at the quotes the author pulled from one of their articles on their website. And only one of the linked articles speaks to any of the challenges adoptees have to process, adjust to, and hopefully move through (or not), and that post I read in full came from a website called aptparenting.com. I read it because I’d never heard of them.

The rest of the quotes in the article linked below came from posts from Adoption Agencies and a Law Firm that also does adoptions. I have chosen to link to the posts the quotes come from, but not use the words quoted in the article.

And as you read the article linked below, notice that not a single Adoptee Voice was to be heard in an article about Adoptees.

Good grief folks, reading that article makes me fear we are going back in time to when Adoptees were seen as just blank slates. And based on that assumption, will AP’s be told to just take the baby home and parent them like you would any biological child. Because that’s what I heard reading the article, not a whisper about the any of the challenges an adoptee may face because they are adopted, or how to help your child process any of the seven core adoption issues as they come up. But I did hear that AP’s were financially secure and highly educated and could afford more for the child, yet at the end, they fundraise for funds to help AP’s adopt…

At first glance I thought the listed author was just a “content creator” that wrote this article, but it turns out, she writes articles for one of the adoption agencies that is quoted below in the article.

I’d also be remiss if I don’t note again that the author didn’t take the time to interview an Adoptee, for an article about Adoptees and their experience being adopted.

We all know that few things in life are wholly positive or negative and being adopted doesn’t fall under either category, rather, for many adoptees it would be both/and, not one or the other. Sure, it’d be great to not have to process and find peace with any of the Seven Core Issues Adoptees deal with over the course of their lifetime, but the reality is that we will face them at one or more points in our journey through life.

Below you’ll find the sources used for the quotes found in this article Adoption’s Positive Impacts on the Adoptee

Adopting a Child Benefits. (2019). Retrieved December 9, 2019, from https://adoptionnetwork.com/benefits-of-adopting-a-child.

Benefits of Adoption – Adoption Choice Inc. (n.d.). Retrieved December 9, 2019, from https://adoptionchoiceinc.org/im-pregnant/benefits-of-adoption/.

Effects of Adoption on Children. (2015, May 27). Retrieved December 9, 2019, from https://www.adoptionmakesfamily.org/blog/effects-of-adoption-on-children/.

Minella, K. (2019, July 25). 10 Benefits of Adopting A Child. Retrieved December 9, 2019,

The Good and Not-so-good Effects of Adoption on Kids and Adults. Retrieved December 9, 2019,

Benefits of Adoption for Children. Retrieved December 9, 2019, from https://adoptionswithlove.org/birth-parents/benefits-of-adoption-infographic. Rosenhaus, N. (2016, June 24).

Also, that last agency listed above, is the one previously stated this in one of their posts: “In the past, adoption was kept secret. The majority of adopted children did not know they were adopted and for this reason, did not grow up understanding their birth mother’s decision. They were not able to learn information about their birth parents or ever meet their birth mothers. Today, over 97 percent of children know they are adopted. From an early age, these children are able to ask questions, appreciate, and be proud of their adoption.”

Or you can just read a post I wrote about the Seven Core Issues Adoptees Must Face for a refresher titled: “Hey, that’s how I’ve always felt (updated)“.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on August 2, 2022 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

Tags: , , ,

9 responses to “Adoption Agencies Must Do Better Than This

  1. swiftabc

    August 2, 2022 at 6:28 pm

    The effort to expose the Adoption Fairytale as false is an uphill battle. People prefer the “And they lived happily ever after…” storyline to the truthful and inspiring hero’s journey that is the reality of life as an adoptee. It is unconscionable that what we know as truth: Adoption complexity, the Seven Core Issues of Adoption, Ambiguous loss and Grief, etc is an unwelcome and uncomfortable message even though it is the truth. This makes it even more tragic that our message of education and awareness is ignored & denied. The articles and books we write/share are dismissed and ignored and as a consequence, adopted children and adults continue to suffer…heartbreaking…

    Liked by 3 people

     
    • TAO

      August 2, 2022 at 6:40 pm

      Thank you Swiftabc – wish you could magically change people’s minds. Also, thank you for commenting because the post was really hard to put together in a way that made sense.

      Liked by 2 people

       
  2. cb

    August 3, 2022 at 1:04 am

    Much of the information on the infographic on the adoptionswithlove page are from the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents:

    https://aspe.hhs.gov/reports/adoption-usa-chartbook-based-2007-national-survey-adoptive-parents-0

    As for the “Effects of Adoption on Children” from the “Adoption makes Family” page, that one feels written in a weird way.

    In regards to this from that page:
    “There have been studies that check in on children that were adopted at a young age, from birth, or during their teen years and check on them after they hit their 20s. In the studies, they gave adopted children a survey and asked them how they felt their life turned out, if they were happy, if they had any regrets, and so on. The same survey was given to a similar group of adults that were raised by their birthparents in a traditional American household. To no surprise, the results were nearly the same. In one test, adopted women out-performed the traditionally-raised women and were actually happier. The men averaged out to nearly identical results.”

    It is hard to interpret survey results without knowing the methodology.

    For example, if you had asked me in my 20s whether I was happy about being adopted, I would have just assumed you were wanting to know whether I loved my family so I would probably have just said “yes” without thinking more about it. To have that superficial answer interpreted as proof that “adoptees are happy” and to be used on pages promoting adoption to women with unplanned pregnancies would be something I would not have wanted.

    Also, a certain % of “happy adoptees” are happy “by comparison”, eg they might say “I am happy about being adopted because the alternative would have been so much worse”, so again to have their particular situations used without that extra context on pages to promote adoption is an issue as well.

    Some adoption agency pages talk as if they are the “voice of adoptees” and thus doing what the adoptee would want. Although I do believe open adoption is better than closed, “openness” is often used as proof that “adoption has changed” and that the only “negative adoptee voices” are us adoptees from the closed era, therefore our voices can be safely ignored or else just seen as of “historical value”.

    Liked by 4 people

     
  3. KPMominTexas

    August 3, 2022 at 9:50 pm

    It’s hard to even help people I know understand the issues adoptees face. Then they might have to admit what they thought was true is in fact not necessarily true. That maybe adoption was not the cure to my problem (aka teen pregnancy). They are much more comfortable believing the butterfly and unicorn version. I know God is sovereign and has a purpose for my life and my daughters-but just because He has brought something good by giving her loving parents, by bringing us together again, doesn’t mean the choice was absolutely the “right” one. Sometimes we look at the surface and think “it all turned out for the best.”

    Liked by 3 people

     
  4. momengineer

    August 3, 2022 at 11:56 pm

    I have talked to many adoptees as an AP. They mostly begin by saying how happy they are with their life and family. When I relate that I have encouraged my own daughter to learn about her first family and discuss her feelings… Well, it’s like the floodgates open…

    Liked by 2 people

     
    • TAO

      August 4, 2022 at 2:28 pm

      So true Mom. Your analogy is spot on – it’s also sad that is part of how the expectations other people have of adopted people to be always thrilled to lose their family. Thanks for making it through my muddled thoughts in this post.

      Liked by 1 person

       
    • beth62

      August 6, 2022 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks for making yourself safe. I’ve experienced that a lot. I always try to slip in a clue that I can speak of the taboo without getting offended or upset. Adoptees typically know what not to say by experience, Many of us know the eggshell walk done with others associated with adoption, I’m not wild about hurting anyones feelings by just sharing my long studied opinions and beliefs, and I especially dislike being responded to as a face slapping ungrateful maladjusted traitor. Once we get a clue that the person we are talking to has deeper insight into it, the flood often begins. It happens between adoptees too.

      Liked by 1 person

       
  5. pj

    August 4, 2022 at 5:14 pm

    Tao, I believe the author is just a “content creator” targeting a specific audience….hopeful adoptive parents.

    Liked by 2 people

     
    • TAO

      August 4, 2022 at 6:47 pm

      I got so triggered by that post, good grief, it took years for some AP’s to become comfortable with the reality that adoptees feel loss, have their own processing to do – and they a everything comes up roses for the adoptee post comes out. You just know there will be some that see it as the holy grail. Argh – still angry. Cheers

      Liked by 2 people

       

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