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Can’t come up with a title…

23 May

I’ve been struggling lately, worried my brain was getting worse, researching to find out more about my brain and the damage the stroke caused, and whether it could be impacting me this far out, or if something else was going on in my brain I needed to worry about. I’ve been doing this because not only has it affected my daily life, mistakes I’ve made that I wouldn’t have before, forgetting things all the time, lack of concentration. I was getting worried about what the future holds for me, and more importantly, how my other half will have to deal with it. None of the above was helped by watching my other half remain unchanged, he forgets what isn’t important to him, remembers in minute detail things he deems important, just like he always has. He’s the same old, same old.

Yesterday, I had my ah-ha moment when someone did a tweet asking if anyone else was having word-finding, memory problems, etc.. That tweet went viral, I’m glad it did so I saw it, and because validation by others of something I’ve been worried about, helps.

Words of confirmation of the challenges offered by others, also included these terms: cognitive load, chronic stress, trauma, survival mode, information overload, lack of attention, inability to concentrate, fear, and so much more. Reading the replies lifted a load off my shoulders that it wasn’t just me, it also made me think about the different things that have made life better for me since the pandemic happened (both/and thinking). From adding a couple of cats to the family, to the casual chit-chat with the employee at the grocery store who brings out my weekly online order for curbside pickup, to the neighbor who sometimes decides to help both of us with our yard, to the other stores who pull orders for me and go above and beyond, simply because, I’m a long-time customer, to the old man who walks by my home most days and stops to chat for a minute.

And Thank You to all of you who stop and read my posts, and sometimes even choose to leave a like or join the conversation in the comments (this is me encouraging all of you to leave a comment, join the conversation, post something off topic or on topic, or a question). All of that has helped me through this unwelcome journey we’ve all been on, and now that I know it’s not just me, I can worry less, also with gardening season finally here, I can get my hands into the dirt, which for me is the best medicine in the world to get me on firm ground.

Cheers! Stay Safe!

Article from Science Direct: Stress resilience during the coronavirus pandemic

From The Guardian: Brain fog: how trauma, uncertainty and isolation have affected our minds and memory (and yes, I forgot to add this article…:))

 
27 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2022 in Adoption

 

Tags: ,

27 responses to “Can’t come up with a title…

  1. Dannie

    May 23, 2022 at 10:56 pm

    For different reasons, I’ve been a hot mess and forgetting a lot of things, it’s been fun to see your kitties progress and grow together.

    Like

     
  2. cindy621

    May 24, 2022 at 10:07 am

    Good morning, Tao!

    You are not alone in your worries. My daughter is a speech therapist and she was worried about my memory so much she gave me a cognitive test (this was about 6 months ago). I didn’t do all that well for my age group but I blamed it on her for administering it while a football game was playing loudly in the background, I was also baking cookies, and my 6-year-old grandson kept running up to me asking questions. I’m pretty impressed I scored as well as I did considering. I haven’t been through what you went through, I guess my point I’m trying to make is maybe this is part of normal aging. I don’t know. Or maybe you and I are losing our sh*t but I want you to know you’re not alone and that I’m going down with you!!

    I’m currently in Tampa staying at their endocrine hospital. I had a total thyroidectomy yesterday due to suspicious growths on both lobes. I’ll know more in a week when pathology report comes back. I want to say it hasn’t been bad, but I’m having to wait on coffee ☕️ and that makes me sad. Plus I’m hungry. Bigger and plus I didn’t sleep hardly any last night. This complaining is making me feel pretty darn good though.

    I’m glad you’ll be able to garden soon. I hope your kitties are doing great! Have a wonderful day, sweet Tao 🌻

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • TAO

      May 24, 2022 at 1:40 pm

      Ah Cindy – wishing for a speedy recovery. Hoping you have had your coffee – lack of coffee is the worst.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • Dannie

        May 24, 2022 at 7:04 pm

        Sorry Tao I think I had a typo in my name and have a comment in moderation land 😂😂😂

        Like

         
        • TAO

          May 27, 2022 at 9:46 pm

          It must have gone to never never land as I can’t find it.

          Like

           
    • Dannie

      May 24, 2022 at 6:55 pm

      Oh no, I am also an SLP but I don’t do cognitive tests on my folks. I didn’t even offer therapy for accent reduction because I didn’t want our relationship to be about speech therapy 😁.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • cindy621

        May 24, 2022 at 10:18 pm

        Very smart!

        Like

         
    • TAO

      May 25, 2022 at 2:35 am

      Thanks Cindi!

      Like

       
    • beth62

      May 25, 2022 at 4:56 am

      Hang in there Cindy! Are you still stuck in the hospital? I hope they let you go soon, it’s miserable in there!

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      • cindy621

        May 25, 2022 at 8:42 pm

        I only had to stay in the hospital for two days, but we are still in Tampa. We will be flying home to North Carolina tomorrow and I’m so happy to be going home.

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        • beth62

          May 25, 2022 at 11:26 pm

          I know you are! That’s all anyone in the hospital wants, is to get out and go home! It’s the best medicine

          Like

           
  3. Dannieas

    May 24, 2022 at 7:03 pm

    On a random note, I’m learning a whole new vocabulary and mentality subset outside adoption land nowadays through Al-Anon. It’s interesting but has been useful.

    I’m still going through with the divorce, but I can now start to let him go without guilt or feeling the need to be responsible for him

    Like

     
    • TAO

      May 25, 2022 at 2:34 am

      No idea why this went to moderation. You know we are all here for you Dannie.

      Like

       
    • beth62

      May 25, 2022 at 3:55 am

      Dannie, sorry to hear you’re having to try to make peace and sense of all of that. I hope your fog isn’t too thick from it all. Stress like that brings in the fog for me every time.
      I went to Al-Anon over 20 years ago, don’t remember details of it. I’m sure it has new words now. I think there is some kind of paradox between adoption land and al-anon thinking. But of course, I can’t remember exactly what it is! I remember balancing in the middle of something somehow. The only word I remember is “expectations” and how not to have them for others, which was very helpful to me then.

      Like

       
      • beth62

        May 25, 2022 at 4:01 am

        ohhhh yeah, how could I forget that! attachment and detachment :/ yikes

        Like

         
  4. Cindy

    May 25, 2022 at 4:31 am

    Yes, speedy recovery to you Cindy 621! Health issues can really make things topsy turvy sometimes. It’s amazing what caffeine can fix.

    Tao, you, most assuredly, are ‘not alone’. It was the flipping words in a sentence that disturbed me last week. I decided not to do anything ‘important’ until I was able to put a sentence together properly (caffeine fix needed?). It’s ok for now, under super heavy stress load (like so many are) but more things breaking down /not working well and only one of me. Hubby’s on restricted duty so he stands on the sidelines and cheers me on. Lots of plumbing issues (hey, I love variety.), periodic leaky roof (cats and racoons dance on it. So do I when repairs or needing to clear a vent or something.) Plus 3 push mowers and none working and grass is pasture high and so on. I’d love to get a small herd of goats to move about the property but they would have to come with a goat herder and go home every day. I’m not feeding or tending any more critters than what there are. A small ‘herd’ of cats is enough. They are all seniors and so some of them need a little extra. Then there’s the mama racoon that has made herself at home from Feb through July or so for the past 3 years and has just had her 3rd batch…I hope it’s not 4 again. She gets so frazzled trying to keep them under her watchful eye. Last year she would only bring 3 out at a time to wander farther than the porch. ) Lot’s of sweet and beautiful along with the load(s). This is one of the beautiful places.

    I’ve never understood people who say they’re bored. (Sometimes I’d like to.)
    Sorry for rambling on. Somedays I’m ready to either pull my hair or just lay down with my fuzzy blanket and say ferget it. I take a lot of time outs.

    Oh, and my lost and found me son tried to redo the highway about 2 weeks ago with himself and his motorcycle. Long road to mend but he’s alive. Life, so much to be thankful for.

    I’m –MUCH better– now. Hahahahhhahhehhehaha.

    Liked by 2 people

     
    • cindy621

      May 25, 2022 at 8:49 pm

      I’m also like you when someone says “I’m bored.” I tilt my head to one side and then the other trying to figure out why that person would be bored. I feel my obligation is to give them a task or come up with hobbies for them. See? That’s another reason I don’t get bored! I’m a problem solver.

      Liked by 2 people

       
      • TAO

        May 27, 2022 at 10:02 pm

        Awe Cindy 621 – hoping you are feeling better. Hope this sets you right.

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      • Cindy

        June 13, 2022 at 12:43 am

        You made such a comical and useful way to relieve others boredom. Yes, there is always a cure for boredom, even if it’s not something we really want to do like certain chores.

        So thankful to hear you got a negative result back on your path. report! Happy (relieved) smiles.

        Like

         
    • TAO

      May 27, 2022 at 10:01 pm

      Cindy, we have many of the same problems…

      This morning, I went to give the squirrels some peanuts on the deck railing and my big boy cat decided to once again scam me, like – nah, just laying in on the floor, too bored to be interested in you opening the door…till he bolted out the door, down the stairs and across the yard to the place the racoons have their den, conveniently behind a big old holly bush. I took off after him, in my floppy slippers, made it there just in time to catch him by the tail and pull him out from a place I’d fear to go. He screeched so loud when I did that, I feel bad, but he scammed me again and it’s not safe to visit racoons when you’re a cat. He and his little girl kitty don’t go outside, too many idiots drive way too fast up and down our road, plus the racoons and coyotes that scrounge for food in the middle of a big city – just can’t let them outside, lost too many over the years to cars. I have a leash for him, he’ll wear it, but he gets scared and wants to go back inside, yet will do what he did this morning – I want / wanted to leash train him so I could attach it to a rope and let him wander the yard while I played in the dirt. Sigh. Maybe his little sister will take to the harness and leash and show him it’s okay.

      Hope you are well and Cindy 621 as well – been absentminded lately and neglecting my friends here. Cheers all.

      Like

       
      • cindy621

        May 28, 2022 at 12:41 pm

        All is good, Tao. My excitement for today? Washing my hair. My pathology report came back as no cancer so that’s a relief.

        I’m sitting out on my patio enjoying the very pleasant weather and the shenanigans of one particular squirrel 🐿. He’s found a stick and is having a heyday tossing it into the air and then rolling around on the ground with it. A Walmart version of Cirque de Soleil, but I’m thoroughly entertained.

        Liked by 2 people

         
        • beth62

          May 28, 2022 at 2:26 pm

          Great news Cindy!!!! I hope the recovery isn’t awful. It does sound like a monumental day 🙂
          I had many happy squirrels and bunnies! 3 squirrels and at least 10 bunnies of different sizes. So funny. They were chasing each other, the bunnies hopping around all crazy, flipping and dashing in every direction. Little birds were chirping and flying every which way, a couple of dove couples waddling around. Happy chaos!
          I’d just gotten up and looked outside, thought I was dreaming. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Snow White came walking thru. Funniest thing I have seen in a long while

          I tried not to notice all of the bugs flying around, just the nice bees, the others kinda ruin the dream!!

          Liked by 1 person

           
          • cindy621

            June 13, 2022 at 12:35 pm

            Beth, your backyard sounds like mine. I guess I should work on my ignoring of the mosquitoes and one particular frog that decides to croak (it’s more like a loud scream) only when adult conversations start up. Uncanny.

            And thank you for your well wishes on my recovery! It hasn’t been bad at all.

            Like

             
        • TAO

          May 28, 2022 at 3:52 pm

          Thankful.

          Like

           
      • Cindy

        June 13, 2022 at 9:47 am

        I wish I had trained ours to harness at least, the leash should have been a fairly easy job later. Thankfully we are back off the road a good ways and in 35 plus years only lost 1 that way and that was enough. Of course it was one of my special ones. seems like that’s always the way it goes. Our momma racoon brought this years babies out over the weekend. Thankfully there are only 3 this year instead of 4 like the past 2 years. I think she’s relieved too. 4 were too many for her. Looked totally frazzled and panicked with all 4 to watch and started only bringing 2 or 3 out at a time…I can’t imagine what she ‘said’ to the others to make them stay put. I wish they would live elsewhere but… it’s ok, everybody gets along even our blind 16 plus year old they all know the routine. Strange racoons on the other hand are a different matter.. I still watch them all. If anybody gets out of line or strange….it’s time for….other options. (if people would stop dumping critters it would help. I get not wanting to have a racoon around and not wanting to kill it….but I don’t think folks that trap and dump in the country understand that all they’re doing is putting that load on somebody else. Sigh.) Oh well, it’s ok. We all deal with what we can the best way we can manage. It’s good to be able to give ourselves and others a lot of slack. (I’m not always real good at that. Still a work in progress)

        Tao and company, hope all have a lovely, peaceful day.

        Like

         
        • cindy621

          June 13, 2022 at 12:54 pm

          Tao, if you ever do harness train any of your kitties, can you please video everything and make it into a YouTube tutorial? Cats are like “aw hell no I’m not wearing a ridiculous harness.” When my husband and I first got married, he tried to leash train our cat Felicia. She felt so encumbered that she would only slink on her belly while being leashed outside. Not a success.

          I’m so happy that you have the mentality of “live and let live” with your raccoons. As long as my raccoons don’t try to enter my house (I’m okay with them drinking my hummingbird nectar and eating a LOT of birdseed) then we can both live as one in nature.

          Your last paragraph about giving ourselves and others some slack really smacked me in the face this morning because I totally SUCK at that. I was just on the phone earlier with my oldest daughter talking about idiots that are in our midst. After telling her about some of my Instagram “encounters” she told me that once again I need to get off social media. I had gotten off ALL social media a few years ago because it was causing me so much anxiety. I thought I was rehabilitated enough to slowly get back on. I wanted to share my crafts with likeminded crafters. But THAT WASN’T MEANT TO BE!!!! I’ll save you the ugly details but it involved not giving slack to others. I’m not back on social media full force. I have a tiny Instagram account and I’m on NextDoor. Who’d have thought you could get into trouble on NextDoor? I feel as if I’m the chosen advocate for the underdogs. It pisses me off to see adult bullies!

          Sorry (not sorry really) to unload this off my chest. I hope you and your readers and myself have an amazing day. It’s going to be hot as Hades in North Carolina this week. You can find me up in my sewing room or maybe on NextDoor or Instagram.

          Cindy

          Like

           

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