Fair warning, a baby’s death is part of this post, and I’ve struggled whether this should be two posts, but decided because this is also my place to also work through my feelings, I’m doing just one post.
Yesterday started with me qualifying to be labelled Bitter simply because I’m a member in a large FB group that doesn’t cater to adoptive parents, nor too questions that have been asked and answered in multiple threads. It doesn’t matter if you are there to merely bare witness to the pain and heartache of other members; if you are an adoptee and a member, you, too, are a Bitter Adoptee. SMDH that there Adoptive Parents without the sense to know better than that, and rather than learning how to be the best adoptive parent they possibly can, and work to make adoption more ethical and protective of the vulnerabilities of expectant mothers and children who have no say, would be so petty and crass.
So much for adoptive parents today being so much better than parents from my era.
At the same time as I found out I was a Bitter Adoptee, I was also struggling to contain my growing horror and anger after reading about a baby, a six week old baby boy, who lost his life because his soon to be Adoptive Father abused him so severely. The descriptions of the abuse are horrifying and while I’m linking to the article at the end, you may be better not reading the details, just know it was very bad and the adoptive father was charged with first degree murder.
Clearly, whoever did the homestudy missed something incredibly dark in husband, or because they’d adopted before the homestudy was merely checking off boxes. And I hope anyone tasked with doing any type of homestudy learns to treat each study as if it’s the first one and digs very deep, and if they have any concerns at all, doesn’t pass them, because the cost can be too high as both current and past history bares witness to. Any type of abuse is a bridge too far to be seen as adoptive parent material, regardless if it isn’t physical, emotional abuse is also bad. I hope any Adoption Agency, Adoption Lawyer, any Adoption Service Provider now takes the time to delve into their adoption homestudy protocals and makes sure any cracks are sealed tight.
I’m still struggling today that an innocent baby lost their life, at least the babe’s first mother was able to see him before he passed away in hospital, and I hope that supports are put in place to help her for however long she needs. You can read the article here, if you must.